Quarter Quells and Baby Shoes
by riverknowshisname
Summary: Katniss and Peeta's wedding at the end of the Victory Tour leads to an unexpected complication going into the Quarter Quell. *All works herein, with the exception of characters and dialogue from Suzanne Collins' books, is mine. Please do not duplicate.*
1. Chapter 1

Katniss stirs awake, jumping slightly and waking Peeta in the process. She'd just seen her future - if nothing changes - with her children carted off to the Games, none returning. She'd never believed she'd be granted a family, given a family, deserved a family. But here she was, Snow had shown his hand, and Peeta she'd married. The ending of the tour signified that. The wedding was a week later. Gale had never been madder at her, and really, she didn't care. She was saving lives, his ungrateful one too, at that.

"Everything okay?" says Peeta pulling her back against him and folding his arms around her small frame. "Did you have another nightmare?" All she can do is nod before the tears come rushing. "Shhh," Peeta says in an attempt to comfort her. "Whatever it was, it wasn't real. You're here. You're safe. You're with me. It'll be okay."

"That's just it though," she hiccups, "not unless something happens, it won't."

"What are you talking about?" he wraps his arms around her tighter and leans his head on her shoulder. "What happened?" Katniss starts shaking so fervently that Peeta sits bolt upright and envelops her in his arms. Leaning her head against his chest she tells him about the dream. "But we're okay, Katniss. We don't have to worry about anything like that happening."

"Did you use something last night?" she asks catching him off guard. He hadn't. "Because I sure as hell, know I didn't." Then the tears begin anew and she cries herself out. It must have hit Peeta too because at some point he joins her in crying. They just sit there on their bed in their home in Victor's Village and try to push the idea as far from their minds as possible. What were they supposed to do now?

"Well," Peeta says finally when he's gained his composure, "there's no reason to worry about that now. We have to be in the Capitol tomorrow for that big party they're throwing for us, so we might as well put that thought out of our mind. If, we come to that bridge, we'll cross it in the best way possible. But it's no use to worry about it now."

"Okay," croaks Katniss. She's still shaking, but the crying has at least, for the most part subsided. "But it's possible Peeta. We weren't smart last night. We didn't think about-" she cuts herself off with another sob. "I'm not even pregnant and I'm a mess! What am I supposed to do if I actually get pregnant?"

"We'll cross that bridge," says Peeta kissing her forehead. "When we come to it. Okay?"

"Okay," Katniss responds barely inaudible and curls back into his arms.

The two fall asleep but are awoken moments later by a loud pounding on the front door. They both franticly spring from the bed. Katniss yanks a box from the floor that used to hold a lamp Effie had sent. Peeta grabs a piece of wood from his side that must have fallen out of the bed in the middle of the night. They look at each other before shrugging their shoulders and placing the objects back on the floor. They weren't in the arena anymore. There were no muttations here to hurt them. They were fine. They were safe.

The two make their way slowly from the room, through the hallway, and to the staircase.

"Come on!" shouts the voice outside the door.

"It's Haymitch," says Katniss giving Peeta's shoulder a shove from her crouched position behind him.

"I know it's Haymitch," Peeta whispers back.

They continue down the stairs and walk to the door. Peeta pulls to door open and a very angry looking Haymitch is standing at the door. Effie, Cinna, Portia, and the prep teams behind them. "Let's get this show on the road you too." He almost shouts at them. Effie looks offended but the rest of the prep team walks in and immediately gets to work. We just got married, so I really have no idea what else they really need to do at this point, but I don't argue and instead let them make me however they want.

Peeta and Katniss find very little time to talk during the Harvest Festival. At a certain point Katniss feels a hand grab hers, and instead of finding Peeta at the other end she sees Gale, who is pulling her along behind him. She's not sure where he's taking her, but she's pretty sure she's not in the mood for it, no matter what it is.

"What do you want?" she asks a little more angrily than she meant.

Gale comes to a dead stop and spins Katniss around and holds her in a firm grip with his arms wrapped around her. "Why did you marry Peeta?"

"What?" she asks trying to get out of his arms, realizing that won't make much difference, especially because he is taller, stronger, and bigger than her. So she stops fighting to get loose. "Why are you asking?"

"Because I need to know!" he snaps. Katniss stares at him dumbfounded, completely clueless as far as what to say. Gale shakes her once. "Don't just stand there!"

"Well I couldn't move even if I wanted to!" she shouts at him. "Which I do! So let go of me." She tries to move again, but it's no good. Gale is stronger than her and he has no intention of letting go. "Why do you even care?" she screams and shoves hard enough she breaks his grip and stumbles backward.

"I just need to know!" he reaches for her again but she slaps his arm away.

"No you don't!" turning on her heel she starts walking as fast as she can to get back to the Justice Building. Back to the Harvest Festival. Back to Peeta. But Gale's faster. He puts a hand on her shoulder and she spins around hitting him so squarely in the chest that he flies backwards several feet. "Ahh!" Katniss takes off at a run and just gets around the corner of the Justice Building when she runs right into Peeta.

"Whoa," he says putting his arms around her as she buries her head in his chest. "What on earth just happened?" Katniss shakes her head in answer as Gale comes around the corner. Peeta eyes him warily. " _What_ on earth just happened?" Peeta asks through gritted teeth. "What did you do?"

"What did _I_ do?" yells Gale. "It's what _she_ did!"

"What did she do then?" Peeta straightens his posture slightly.

"She married you!" Gale shouts and takes off in the opposite direction. He's walking so fast that he's gone almost instantaneously.

Katniss breaks down into tears just as Haymitch comes up to them. "I don't know what just happened, but you better get over it because Effie wants you guys to say something before we head out to the Capitol."

"Why?" Katniss asks just above a whisper.

"How am I supposed to know?" he shrugs as he takes another swig from his bottle.

"Fine," grumbles Peeta. He wraps his arm around Katniss and she keeps hers around him and they walk to the front of the Justice Building. When they catch up to Effie she is all aghast at whatever is going on with Katniss and then absolutely refuses to let them talk. After complaining about the look of Katniss' hair and Peeta's suit she rushes them instead directly to the train station. Peeta and Katniss follow obediently, neither energized enough to complain.

As soon as everyone has boarded the train Effie turns to glare at Peeta and Katniss, "you two look absolutely dreadful! You may as well just go to bed." She flips her hand in the air in disgust. "I can't bare to look at you!" Then she hurries to a different part of the train as fast as her ridiculous shoes can carry her. Haymitch gives a look of annoyance and goes in the same direction as Effie. Whether to his own car, or the drink car, neither knew nor really cared about.

"Come on, Katniss," Peeta bends down and scoops her up into his arms. He walks down to their compartment and Katniss begins to cry again. "It hasn't happened yet. We'll be alright." He says a vast array of comforting things, but nothing seems to help, nothing seems to calm her down. Of all the people Peeta knew, Katniss was one of the strongest. She had saved them in that arena. Taken care of him. Nursed him back to health when she didn't even really know what she was doing. And yet here she was crumpled up in his arms crying. When he finally reached the car she extended her arm just enough to get the door open and then curled back up. Walking to the bed Peeta gently laid her down. She was asleep in less than a minute. He pulled the blankets up over her, kissed her on the forehead, and walked back to the door. He needed to talk to Haymitch.

"Ugh!" grumbles Haymitch at the sight of Peeta entering the drink car. "What do you want?"

Peeta gives him a reproachful look.

"Eh," shrugs Haymitch. "Leave me alone Peeta."

"What is your problem?" Peeta steps forward yanking the open bottle from Haymitch's hand. It doesn't matter, of course, because he had another one stashed beside him. Expecting that someone would try to take it away. "Why do you drink so much? What ever happened to you? What did you do in your Games?"

"We'll talk about it, when you're older," slurs Haymitch, Peeta barely understanding a word.

"You know better than anyone," Peeta tears the other bottle from Haymitch's hand. "How much those Games change you. You're never the same person coming out as you are going in. So what happened to you?" He scowls at Haymitch when he sees that he has yet _another_ bottle beside him.

"No," Haymitch shakes his head. Then gets to his feet, unsteadily, and wanders out of the car towards his room. "I don't have time for this Peeta."

"We have a long ride," Peeta darts around him. "You've got time."

"No!" Haymitch shoves Peeta into a wall. "What Katniss did was stupid! Those berries. But she's not the only victor to do something so reckless! And not everyone was as fortunate as her, living despite that act of rebellion." Haymitch's face harden's at Peeta. "When you've gone through what I have - then maybe we'll talk." Then he shakes his head profusely, downing nearly the entire bottle. "Unlikely, but maybe."

Peeta watches as Haymitch leaves the cart. An attendant comes up to him to tell him that he should really get some rest. Saying he overheard the "peppy woman" say something about a "busy busy busy busy day" and figured the victor might want to get some actual sleep. Peeta gives him a brief word of thanks and makes his way back to the car.

He opens the door of their compartment to see Katniss completely curled up into a ball. He'd never seen her like this...and this was just with the _idea_ of having kids. He admitted to himself right then and there, that if Katniss never wanted children he'd be okay with that. He had to acknowledge, however, that he'd always wanted kids yet Katniss meant more to him than that. He wanted to give his children a life that he'd be deprived of. And knew with near certainty, that Katniss would be a better mother than his own, on her worst days.

After a few more minutes of picturing what his future would be like, children or no, he was glad that of all the people in his life it was Katniss asleep in his bed and not someone else. Though they had been sleeping in the same bed during the Victory Tour anyways, and that hadn't really made too much of a difference either. Probably because no one wanted to tell them what to do, besides Haymitch, and he just didn't seem to care one ounce.

Slowly, quietly, Peeta walks toward the bed and crawls in behind Katniss. As if his presence had awoken her, she scooted back towards him and pulled his arms around her. "Stay with me," she mumbled, just barely above a whisper. Peeta knew that no matter what happened that would be the case, that he would stay. That he wasn't ever going anywhere ever again.

"Always," he whispered back.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thanks to the amazing mrsbonniemellark for her love and support and friendship, you're the bees knees woman! Love you so much!**_

* * *

"My Dear Mrs. Mellark," began the President with an air of mitigated superiority. "What a lovely gown you have on this evening."

"Thank you," Katniss replied hesitantly as she searched the crowd for her husband. She might as well admit that. The President seemed determined to call her by her new name regardless of whether the documentation was finalized yet or not. "Cinna has quite the mind for fashion."

"That he does, my dear," he narrows his eyes at her, "that he does."

Peeta was somewhere in the crowd and while Katniss wanted nothing more than to see him beside her, she knew that other people were anxious to see him as well. It wasn't the Victory Tour anymore, she knew that, but she would give anything at the present moment to cling to him now as she did then. Holding firmly to his hand. He was her support. He helped her get through all of those Districts and eventually the party in the Capitol. Seems they were not going to be leaving the Capitol spotlight anytime soon.

"How was the trip here?" he continued, making light of the tension.

"Honestly?" she asked through her tightened jaw. "I slept for most of it."

"Any particular reason why?" he pushed and she answered with a shrug. "You may have married the boy, but that does not mean that we do not still have a problem." He spoke slowly. Calculating every word, making his point clear, uninhibited. "The problem _Mrs. Mellark,_ " he hissed in emphasis. "In the Districts is not any better. While there might be a slight increase in the number of individuals that believe the berries were an act of love, others do not."

"What do you want me to do about that?" she asks spitefully. "Clearly, I haven't done anything right leading up to now. What else could I possibly do?" Looking at him warily she thought about alternatives, but none made sense, none seemed to result in the right result. "Nothing is going to help at this point." She finally admits plainly.

"No," he answers with a shake of his head. "I do not believe so."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"You?" he turns to stand directly in front of her. "I still want you to convince me. You're going to go home, you're going to be happily married, you're going to have lots of children, and you my dear, are going to watch them follow in your glorious footsteps."

"You wouldn't _dare_ ," Katniss spits out vehemently.

"See," he starts with a smile. "That's the nice thing about being who I am. I can do whatever I want." His assistant calls him from a short distance away. Nodding at her he turns to walk away, but not before saying under his breath in a volume only she could hear, "and there's nothing you can do about that."

Katniss gasps in response so sharply that she almost falls over. Collapsing into a nearby chair she starts to shake. Could he really do that? Would he? No, she must be dreaming. Even Snow wouldn't be that cruel...would he? All the possibilities start to pour into her mind, seep into her consciousness. All those dreams she'd tried to ignore, tried to shove deep within herself, refuse to let herself consider...and here she'd been told by the most powerful man in the country that two things would happen in her life. One, her and Peeta _would_ have children. And two, they would go into an Arena regardless. She'd never felt so helpless in all her life. And this was just the start.

Forcing herself to her feet she wandered around the party until she finally found him. Rushing forward she shoved away the woman in front of him. "Get away," she hissed. The woman looked caustically over in her directed and left without another word. Then Katniss flung Peeta's arms open wide and walk directly into his embrace. "We were doomed from the start. This won't end well for us at all. I endangered us for the rest of our lives, I've sealed our children's fates, I've sentenced us all to a lifetime of pain."

" _What_ are you talking about?" Peeta asked closing his arms around her, only just now noticing how badly she was shaking. "What's wrong?" He tries to pull her back from him, to get a good look at her face, but she's holding so tightly that he can't. "Did Snow say something to you?" She nods. "What did he say?" She then shakes her head into his chest.

"Ladies and gentlemen," says Snow from the steps of his mansion, calling on the attention of everyone in attendance. "I'd like to thank our special guests in attendance here tonight. All of our victors are present, though I want to call special attention to our newlyweds." He gestures towards Katniss and Peeta while Peeta awkwardly waves in thanks and Katniss keeps her head buried in his chest. "I wish you all the best in your future lives. May we heap blessings upon you both in your future together. I'm sure we'll all be excited to see how you handle it from here. I look forward to you joining this years Quarter Quell as mentors, but remember, no more rule changes like the one you received." He gives a lighthearted laugh which is then echoed by the crowd. "So in farewell," Snow nods to his assistant. "I'd like to present you both with this gift." An attendant walks the package over to them, Peeta accepts it. "Don't open it now, but know I send it with my deepest sincerity and complete joy. To you both." He raises a glass of champagne in their direction. "To the Mellark's."

"To the Mellark's," everyone in the party echos in an ominous tone. "May the odds be ever in your favor."

"They're not," mumbles Katniss. "They're not now, nor will they ever be. The odds have not been in our favor since the moment Prim's name was drawn at the Reaping. They will never be in our favor, Peeta. Never."

" _Okay,_ " says Peeta slowly and with inflection. "We're getting out of here now. We need to talk. I don't know what happened, I don't know what was said, but this…" he pulls his hands back and waves them in the air over her back. "This is not okay. I know this is not okay. You're never _this_ clingy. So we're going to find Haymitch and Effie and go back to the train."

"Party's not over," she mutters.

"It is for us." Peeta forcefully pulls her back, wipes the tears from her eyes, grabs her hand and starts walking. It takes several minutes before they find Haymitch and Effie, but thankfully it doesn't take much time to convince them that they need to leave. Haymitch grumbles about waiting for this decision they arrived at the party. Effie makes a point to mention that they need to leave anyways, though Peeta was sure that was for Katniss' benefit. Effie doesn't like crying, doesn't like many emotional outbursts, so she all too eagerly agrees that they should leave.

Little is said on the train ride back. Katniss immediately returns to the train, goes to and collapses into her bed and falls asleep. Peeta can get her to say nothing. After a while he stops trying, deciding she'll tell him when she's ready, and that it's probably best in this circumstance not to push. She wakes up screaming from a nightmare and wraps herself so tightly around Peeta he's sure if he had a leg where the prosthetic usually stayed when he was awake, it would have fallen asleep for sure. When they reached the train station Katniss uttered one thought, "Snow threatened our children. They don't even exist yet...and he's already threatened them."

Then as if in a trance she walked silently back through town to their home in Victors Village, only to find Gale sitting on the steps. She stops up short. Glaring. Peeta steps in front of her. Katniss just pushes him aside, walks up the stairs, when Gale starts to talk she shoves him off the steps and opens the door. Silently she enters the house. Gale once gaining his footing turns to Peeta.

"What did you do to her?"

Peeta shakes his head staring up at the door, hearing Katniss retreating to the second floor as she drags her feet up the stairs. "It's not something I've done."

"What did you say then?" Gale nearly shouts.

"You know, Gale," snaps Peeta. "I don't know what it is you think I may have said or done, or whatever, all I know is this: she spoke with Snow, came back to me and wouldn't let go of me for a second."

"Did she say what he said?" questions Gale.

"No," Peeta lied. Well, it wasn't really a lie, he excused. She hadn't actually said what Snow said, only gave a general analysis, told him enough that he at least somewhat knew what they were facing...what she had faced. "But whatever it was, clearly," he gestures into the house. "It's not good."

"I'm still unconvinced that you had anything to do with it," rescinds Gale. "Nothing bad ever happened to her until you came into the picture."

"Oh, really? We're going there?" Peeta crosses his arms and turns to face Gale directly. "So her father didn't _die_ in a mining accident? She didn't almost starve to death when she was eleven?"

"What do you mean?" Gale looks perplexed. "Almost starve to death?"

"Oh, well I thought you watched what happened in the Games," shrugs Peeta. "We talked about it in the cave. She was digging through our trash, my mother went out and yelled at her, so I burnt some bread and then threw it to her. Worst beating I'd gotten up until that point. But it was okay, she lived to see another day. She lived. She's here now."

"You honestly think you're responsible for that?" snaps Gale. "Exclusively?"

"Of course not," grumbles Peeta. "I'm sure you've helped some. She knew how to do snares because of you. Helped keep us alive in the arena."

"She just pitied you," says Gale with a snort. "That's the only reason she saved your life."

"It's humbling that you think that," Peeta shakes his head.

"Well, it's not like I needed her to save my life," scoffs Gale.

"Right, because you're such a crack shot all on your own," snickers Peeta. "She didn't help you with that at all."

"Oh, just get a measuring tape already," chortles a drunken Haymitch. "Not that it matters. She married one of you. The other one she hit in the dark the other night. Quite hilarious really. You," he jabs a finger at Gale, "offended her, way to go! And you," he spins towards Peeta who catches him, "you should be making sure she's okay, not dicking around out here with him."

Peeta and Gale stand stoic as Haymitch continues to make comparisons before finally glaring at Gale, "go home Gale. Peeta, get inside before she comes crying to me. I heard what she said at the station. She needs you, you know she needs you. So just go already." Haymitch shoves Peeta towards the stairs and then flings a drunken arm over Gale's shoulder. "What's say we take you home so he can go help his _wife_?"

Gale shakes Haymitch off roughly, "She's going to need me at some point. And I'll be there."

"You can't help with this one though," sighs Peeta. "No one can."

"What did she say at the station?" Gale asks genuinely.

"Just trust me," Peeta shakes his head. "You can't help her on this one."

"I'm going to try."

"He didn't threaten your future children," Peeta glares at him. "He threatened _ours._ " Peeta waves his hands between Gale and the house.

"That's not true," Gale adjusts his weight uncomfortably.

"It is," shrugs Haymitch stepping towards Peeta. "I heard it. But you don't need to hear it," he throws his empty bottle at Gale. "And you, don't make me drag you into the house. We both know I'm not capable of that in this state."

"Goodbye Gale," Peeta says nodding at Haymitch as he goes up the first couple of steps.

"You're going to mess up," snarls Gale. "And when you do, I'll be there."

"I'm human Gale," sighs Peeta. "Of course I'll mess up. But at the end of the day, Snow threatened our children. Mine and Katniss'. They don't exist yet, and their death warrant has already been signed. That's what her nightmares are about. She wakes me up in the dead of night with her screams. The one thing that could make her shut out the entire world, is what she's just been assured of. So yes, I'll mess up. I'll mess up, she'll mess up. We'll have kids. They'll fight in the Games. And she will probably live the rest of her life hating everything. Because there is no worse feeling in the world, than feeling like you cannot protect the one's that you love. I know. And our fates were sealed, the _moment_ she pulled out those berries, the moment we decided to fight the system."

"I don't see why that matters," Gale shakes his head in mock confusion.

"In that Arena…" starts Peeta slowly. "In our Games, she fought so hard to protect me, to keep me alive. They changed the rules, but then they retracted that change in the end. She pulled out those berries so we'd both live, she challenged the Gamemakers, made them look week, and in her mind, this is all her fault. But I took the berries from her. She's not doing this alone. I won't let her."

As if being struck by lightning Peeta stands bolt upright and rushes into the house slamming the door behind him. Gale yells something from outside but he doesn't care, he just hurriedly makes it upstairs. The shower is running. Peeta enters to see Katniss, fully clothed, curled into a tiny ball and sobbing in the corner.

"I can't protect them," she chokes. "I can't protect them. I can't protect them," Her voice is broken and she begins rocking herself back and forth. "This is all my fault. This is all my fault."

"No," Peeta shakes his head slowly. "No, Katniss. It's not." He walks forward into the water and pulls her into his arms as she begins to sob. "We won't let him hurt them. We won't let him do that. I _promise._ "

"Yo-you- ca-an't," she gets out between sobs.

"No," Peeta rubs her head, holds her close. "No, Katniss. It's not all your fault. We'll protect them. We'll do it together. That's what marriage is all about. Doing things together. We can do it. Please, please don't cry." He knows it's no use to add that, she's going to cry, and cry a lot. But if he could help even in the smallest of ways, he'd consider himself to have accomplished something.

He lets her cry for a while longer before convincing her to get into some dry clothes. She does so obediently, and he carries her over to the bed and crawls in behind her. She's so tired she falls asleep immediately, but Peeta stays up for a while, concerned that something might happen if he could fall asleep, but eventually he does. When light breaks in the morning he realizes she didn't have any nightmares.

"Peeta," Katniss chides in the morning.

"Yeah?" he asks rubbing the hair from her forehead.

"Thank you," she nuzzles into the crook of his arm.

"For what?"

"For not asking me," she places her hand on his chest. "For not pushing me."

"Of course not," he kisses her forehead.

"But it is my fault that we're in this mess."

"We're married now," laughs Peeta. "Share the blame."

"But it's mine," she gets up on an elbow. One arm on the bed, the other on Peeta's chest.

"It's _ours_ ," he places his hand on top of her own. "You said he threatened our children. If they threat was to our children, the threat was made to us. The blame is ours. You're not gonna take the heat of all of this on your own. I won't let you."

"You're so good," says Katniss, inching forward.

"Why do you say that?" Peeta asks as she places her face just inches from his own.

"You take care of me, you're my rock," she kisses him on the lips, lightly, sweetly. Innocently. Then pulls her head back.

"Well," smiles Peeta. "I can certainly live with that."

"With what?" she giggles as he leans up and kisses her.

"This," he shrugs, "I can get used to this."

She leans down and kisses him more deeply than before. More sincerely than before. More wholly than before. Then she pulls away, "there." He looks at her in confusion. "That's all you get until I get some cheese buns." Peeta laughs heartily as Katniss reaches over him to grab his leg. Handing it to him she yanks the blankets off of him. "No pants?"

"You didn't exactly let me get pajamas last night," he laughs heartily. "Not that I mind. I'm not the pure one here."

"I'm not _pure_ ," she slaps him playfully.

"Well, that's debatable," he says attaching the leg. "Now, I'll grab some pants and make your cheese buns."

"Good idea," she shoves him off the bed. "Though pants aren't exactly _required._ "

"If you say so," he winks at her and then leaves the room.

A little while later when the cheese buns are just about ready to come out of the oven, there's a pounding on the front door.

"Ugh!" groans Katniss audibly. " _Who_ is that?"

"Do I look like I can see through walls?" Peeta shakes his head mockingly. "Nope. Not in my repertoire."

"Well," she smiles at him genuinely. "Maybe it _should_ be."

Shaking his head he walks towards the front door.

"Maybe it's just Haymitch," she calls to him.

"Doubt it," Peeta calls back, "he was so drunk last night he'll probably sleep all day."

"Maybe I'll bring him some buns later."

"Good idea," says Peeta in the same tone she said it before. Reaching the door he pulled it open. Standing on the other side was not who he expected. Not who he wanted. No, this individual was not welcome in this house. He'd made that very clear. Yet here she was. On his doorstep. At his door. "What do you want?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Hello, Peeta."

"What do you want?" he asks again pointedly, emphasizing each word. "I told you you couldn't come here."

"I looked at that," she steps forward into the house. "More as a guideline than an actual rule."

" _Why_ are you here?" he says through gritted teeth, eying the woman warily as she enters the house and walks straight to the kitchen. Peeta follows slowly behind her, why she was heading to _his_ kitchen, he didn't know. This wasn't the bakery, she couldn't do whatever she wanted here.

Katniss' expression hardens as Mrs. Mellark - Peeta's good-for-nothing mother - enters the kitchen. "What do you want?"

"That's what I've been saying," says Peeta coming around behind his mother to stand next to Katniss. "What do you want mother?"

"We need you back at the bakery," she says this, neither as a request nor as a suggestion, but as an order.

"You have Rye and Obi to help you," he shakes his head profusely. She couldn't just come here into his house and tell him what to do. That wasn't how it worked, that's certainly not _how_ it was going to work. "I'll come in tomorrow - like I said I would - but not before then. I'm entitled to a couple days to myself, to adjust to this change." He gestures between himself and Katniss. "I'll be there tomorrow. But not one second before."

Then his mother turns to face Katniss, "you know, I always knew you'd make it out of that arena. You're tough. I knew you'd make it."

"Speaking of that," snaps Katniss as she hops off the counter. "How could you say something like that?" Her face red as a cherry.

"That you're a survivor?" she shrugs. "Because you are. You've survived this long, haven't you?"

"No," Katniss shakes her head. "About District 12 finally having a winner...and not meaning Peeta. He's your son. You're supposed to believe in him." Katniss steps forward towards his mother when Peeta puts his arm out to stop her. "You're a mother! You have a duty to your children, your sons, to want to see them experience good things! To see them survive this life and have a future. Not tell them they don't have a chance! What kind of a mother are you anyway?"

"Katniss," Mrs. Mellark says with auspicious degradation, "I can do whatever I want. It's not like you're going to say anything. You can't even do anything. You chose to save my son in that arena, I don't know why - and frankly I don't care - but you did, and so now here we are. In this magnanimous house that the Capitol has given you, because you challenged their supreme rule. Do you really think they're going to let that slide?"

Katniss shakes her head. She knows the answer.

"You've doomed us all." With that his mother spins on her heel and flees the house.

Katniss follows behind her closely and upon reaching the door she shouts at her mother-in-law, "you don't even deserve Peeta! Nothing you will ever do in your life will make you worthy of his concern or affection. You've not shown him any over the years and he certainly doesn't owe you anything!"

His mother doesn't stop, instead she seems to quicken her pace.

* * *

The next month passes in a whirlwind of events. Gale is caught poaching after arguing with Katniss in the woods, he's whipped by the new Peacekeeper who has taken over for Cray - not a very pleasant sort of person - Commander Thread, The Hob was burnt down, the mines were closed for several weeks. Punishments are harsher, and carried out, Katniss is less inclined to go into the woods than ever, and parcel day yields rotten and spoiled food.

"Katniss?" Peeta calls to her rubbing her arm. "Are you okay?"

"What?" she looks up at him.

"Are you okay?" he crouches down in front of her sitting in the armchair. "You yelped and then haven't said a word in almost ten minutes. What is going on?" He begins to rub her leg not knowing what's going on, while a multitude of possibilities run through his mind. "Do you need to talk about something?"

"Yeah," she says standing up, nearly knocking him over. "I need to talk to Haymitch."

"Okay…" says Peeta slowly as he gets back on his feet.

Katniss rushes from the house immediately, walks over to Haymitch's, and yanks the door so hard it's a wonder it stayed on it's hinges at all. "Haymitch!" she shouts in the entryway. "Haymitch I need to talk to you!" Walking into the dining area she sees him hunched over the table, out cold. Repeating what she did the last time she found him in the same catatonic state, she throws cold water on his head. and leaps back.

Thrusting his arms around in the air clenching a knife he shouts at her, "What are you doing?"

"I need to talk to you," she says plainly.

"Couldn't you wait like a normal person until I woke up _on my own_?" there's bitterness in his voice.

"No, because I need to talk to you now," Katniss plops onto the seat opposite of him and bursts into tears.

"Whoa!" groans Haymitch. "I don't do this," he gestures to her. "I don't do crying. No tears. I don't do that. Get out of here."

"Haymitch," she whimpers as her shoulders droop.

"Ugh!" he groans at her. " _What_?"

"I need your help," Katniss begins to sob.

"Help with what? And please quit crying," he shakes his head. "Can't stand crying."

"It happened," she stops crying suddenly and looks up at him. "I don't know how - well I know _how_ \- but it wasn't supposed to happen. Nothing like this was ever supposed to happen! Not to me, not ever to me."

"Well, since you're here you must want to tell me what it is," he slurs the last few words. "So out with it, sweetheart."

"I'm-" her voice falters. "I'm-I'm-I...Haymitch," she collapses on the table.

"Katniss," Haymitch says straightening up from his slouched over position. "You're what?" Instantly there's concern in his voice. "The answer better not be what I think it is."

"You're probably right," she moans.

"Well, that oughta make Snow happy," he shrugs and grabs a bottle off the floor. "Just another thing to hold over your head for the rest of your life. Katniss _what were you thinking_?"

"I don't know," she looks up at him. "I guess I wasn't thinking! I had no idea-" he gives her a reproachful look. "It only happened once!" Haymitch laughs heartily and makes a joke about how that's all it takes is once. "I'm not old enough to be a mother!"

"Well," shrugs Haymitch. "Not much you can do about that now. And Snow has eyes everywhere, he'd know if you tried to do something. Basically you're stuck, sweetheart. Have you told Peeta?" Katniss shakes her head as tears continue to stream down her face. "Don't you think you should?" She shakes her head again and he sighs, "wrong answer. Like it or not, sweetheart, you're in this marriage for the long haul … or until one of you dies. They would have happened eventually, I guess because you're still young you'll have plenty of children. I don't think Snow would rig the reapings that much."

Katniss stops crying and stares at him blankly. "What?"

"Uh…" Haymitch tries to backtrack but messes up so badly that Katniss bursts into tears again. "Listen, sweetheart," he gets up from his chair opposite her and kneels beside her. "You and Peeta are tough. You know he's going to be thrilled. You'll be alright, sweetheart. It's all going to be alright."

"You can't-" she gasps, "promise that!"

"No," he admits. "But I'll be damned if I don't try to keep that promise." Katniss crosses her arms and lays her head on them upon the table. "Katniss," he coos...albeit drunkenly, "it will be okay in the end. I swear, upon my miserable life, that it will be okay in the end."

Then there's a loud creak from a floorboard and Peeta is in the doorway staring at them. "What did you do Haymitch?"

"Whoa!" slurs Haymitch. "There's no way in hell I'm taking the blame or credit for anything that's going on here," he gets to his feet and waves his arms in the air surrounding Katniss. "This is all you, buddy." He jabs his finger in Peeta's direction. "None of this is even remotely me!" he stumbles backwards and falls over a crate of empty bottles. "This," he clambers to his feet, "is all you bread boy."

"What is all me?" he asks Haymitch stepping towards them.

"This," he gestures with his bottle in her direction. "The girl on fire is in a crumpled mess because of you." He shakes his head and goes in the direction of the living room, "this is all your fault. You two can deal with the consequences of your stupidity together."

"Well, gee," glares Peeta, "thanks?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," mutters Haymitch as he disappears through the doorway.

"Katniss," says Peeta softly as he kneels down by her chair. "What's wrong?" She shakes her head profusely. "You can tell me. Whatever it is, it'll be okay, we'll handle it together."

"Together is what got us into this mess," she shouts. Peeta being unprepared for the hostility falls backwards onto the floor. Katniss jumps up, frantically wipes the tears from her face and kneels down at his side. "I'm sorry…" she shakes her head and rubs his arm. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just not ready!" she's screaming again.

"Not ready for what?" asks Peeta meeting her gaze.

"Nothing...anything…" Katniss begins to shake and tightens her grip on Peeta's arm to keep from falling over. He straightens up and pulls her into his arms. "We can't stop what's going to happen now. It's happening. Our lives are over. Nothing is sacred. Nothing is ours. Nothing will ever be good again."

"Katniss," cries Peeta. "What on earth is going on?"

"You're having a baby, you idiot," shouts Haymitch from the other room, and Katniss pulls back to look at Peeta. "Sorry, to burst your bubble Katniss, but you were taking so long and I just want you to get your crying self out of my house!"

Peeta stares at Katniss open mouthed and neither of them says anything for a very long time. When they do finally decide to talk it isn't until they've made it back to their own house and have collapsed on the bed. Katniss - still sobbing - hasn't stopped crying since Haymitch told Peeta what was going on, why she had run from the house, and why of all people she had gone to talk to Haymitch.

"It's be okay, Katniss," Peeta says stroking her head, though for the time being, even he wasn't sure that it was possible. But for sanity's sake, he was telling her that with confidence anyways. Eventually at some point they both fell asleep, only to be awoken by the same dreams as always woke them up, except now it was an actual, literal possibility.

"I don't want to sleep," she whimpers.

"I know," is his only reply.

Katniss crawls over to him on the bed. "At least it's you."

"What do you mean?" he asks sitting up on his elbow.

"Out of all the people in this crazy messed up world," she looks at him. "At least it's you."

"Good thing or bad thing?" he questions.

"Oh," she smiles faintly. "Good thing. I just thought we had more time to prepare."

"Katniss," says Peeta calmly, "we'd never be prepared for this, whether it happens now or it were to happen in ten years. We'd never be prepared."

"They won't be safe," she shivers. "They'll have their names put in the bowl and they'll be reaped...all because of what I did with those berries. Such a stupid thing to do! But you were hell-bent on dying for me! And that wasn't going to happen...so I grabbed the berries. Perhaps, not the best idea, but all I knew in that moment was I didn't want you to die. And that if you did die, nothing would be the same for me ever again...I'd leave the arena body alone. If you'd died there I don't know what version of me would have come back to District 12...maybe I'd be more like Haymitch. Maybe I _would_ be Haymitch."

"Katniss…" Peeta starts.

"Peeta," she shakes her head. "No. I would not have been fine." She reaches out and grabs his hand. "And even you have to see the similarities between me and Haymitch. I would have absolutely been catatonic. Maybe I wouldn't be drunk all the time, but I wouldn't be normal either. Not that normal really exists."

Peeta shakes his head, "you would have lived."

"No, Peeta," she squeezes his hand. "What is living when a part of you is dead?"

Peeta's face falters momentarily, "then I'll make sure you never have to find out." He brushes her cheek gently with his hand and with his thumb flicks away a tear just forming in her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for the long haul."

"I never questioned your sincerity Peeta, never once," she squeezes his hand again, slightly harder than the first time. "Well, there was that time when you didn't talk to me before the Tour-"

"Not all my fault," he shrugs, "but I didn't do anything about that either. I was hurt. Hurt people do crazy things. I was hurt. I was jealous-"

"Of Gale?" she interjects.

"Yeah, Gale," he shrugs. "The end of the Games changed everything. We knew each other, well sort of, like the Tour proved. I don't know how I would have survived that without you."

"Well, you sure would have been able to tell your mother to shut up," she smiles faintly.

"Nah," he shakes his head. "She never would have let me forget how you kept me alive. You have to understand, Katniss. My mother will never care about me. The only reason she cares about me now is because I'm a Victor. The only reason she doesn't hit me now is because, well one, I don't live with her anymore, and two, she's terrified she'll be caught on camera."

"That's horrible," Katniss gasps.

"The point though, Katniss," he shakes his head. "You still went hunting with Gale, but you didn't talk to me. I had thought we'd made a connection, but then there I was, looking at you through my window coming back with your spoils from hunting, knowing you'd probably spent hours with Gale."

"Don't be jealous of Gale," Katniss shakes her head and strokes hi face with her free hand. "There's nothing to be jealous of."

"Well, he seems to think otherwise," shrugs Peeta. "I guess it's his turn to be jealous."

"Don't kid yourself Peeta," she laughs, "he's been jealous of you too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Katniss nods with a little laugh. "He kissed me, said he had to know, had to do it - just once."

"He kissed you?" Peeta's face is turning red.

"Awhile ago," she nods laughing heartily. "Before the tour. Long before this." She gestures around the bed. "Before this," she points at her stomach finally accepting - more or less - what is going on in her life. "He really has no right to say anything, not anymore."

"Are you going to stop hunting?" he looks at her quizzically.

"No," laughing she taps his nose with her pointer finger. "As long as I can shoot, I'm going to hunt."

"Nothing I say will make a lick of difference, will it?" he asks smiling.

"Nope," she shakes her head profusely.

Peeta leans forward and pulls her face down towards his. "I am right here. Here for you. Here for them. Here for as long as I have breath in my lungs. We'll make up a nursery - we have _plenty_ of rooms - and it will be over the top, because you know Effie is going to have something to say about it."

"Peeta," Katniss says as tears begin to flow once again, "I'm just really glad it's you." She stretches the last few inches between them and kisses him, for all the moments they've had and let go by them in the last few days, weeks, months. Nothing left to withhold, they let go in ways they never have before, the kiss is just the start.

With the sunrise they awaken to a pounding on the front door. Both jump frantically out of bed; Peeta forgetting about his prosthetic leg, crumples to the floor. Once he pulls his leg on he stands up and they throw their clothes to the one another. This is the first peaceful night of sleep they've experienced, quite possibly since the Games ended, only to be awoken by the insane pounding on their front door.

"Who could that be?" hollers Katniss as she yanks her nightgown over her head.

"I don't know," Peeta throws his hands up in the air after tying his pants.

"Why are whoever they are here?" she wretches a robe from the chair behind her and wraps it around herself. "Well this is ridiculous!"

"I couldn't agree more," he says deciding whether or not to wear a shirt.

"Nah," she shakes her head and then winks. "I kinda like you like this."

"It has been decided," he laughs before the pounding intensifies and his laughter is choked out. "We're coming!" he screams out the bedroom door. "Geez. You'd think it was President Snow."

"Don't even joke about that," snaps Katniss. "We don't need that right now too!"

"Right," he nods and immediately walks from the room.

"Wait for me!" Katniss calls running after him.

"You should put some slippers on," he nods back towards their room.

"Oh no," she shakes her head, " _way_ too early for that kind of paranoia Peeta Mellark."

"Give me a break," he laughs. "I'm new at this."

The pounding gets - yet again - louder and more intense than before.

"GOD! We're COMING!" screams Katniss.

"Whoa…." Peeta glares back at her.

"Sorry," she shrugs then guiltily, "hormones?"

Peeta begins to laugh so hard that he has to stop, causing Katniss to lose it at well, "we have to get the door," he says through gasps.

"I'll get it," she shoves him to the side and walks up to the door.

"Nope," Peeta pushes her - gently - behind him, finally regaining his composure, "I'll get the door."

"Fine…" groans Katniss with a smile.

Once they've reached the agreement about the door situation, Peeta pulls it open, only to come face to face with Effie Trinket! At once she rushes into the house. "There's another big, big, big, big, big day ahead of you children!"

"What are we doing today Effie?" exclaims Katniss. "I didn't know we had anything to do?"

"Oh, Katniss," she sighs in reserved disappointment, "of course we have something today. Your prep teams should be here shortly."

"What are we doing Effie?" asks Peeta.

Effie noticing Peeta without a shirt on, "my, my, my, Peeta why don't you be a dear and go put on a shirt?" Laughing he leaves the room.

"What is going on Effie?" Katniss reiterates Peeta's unanswered question.

"President Snow wants an update," she chortles, "so we're doing - well, you're doing - an update interview with Ceaser Flickerman, via video chat. Oh it's going to be absolutely wonderful!"

"Why weren't we informed about this though, Effie?"

"Weren't informed?" Effie gasps. "I sent out information two weeks ago Katniss, are you telling me you never received it?" The look of absolute horror on her face would be hard to misplace.

"No," Katniss shakes her head, "No, Effie we had no clue."

"Oh dear…" she slowly utters. "Well, too late for all that now. Everyone in the Capitol is talking about this! So it will go off without a hitch! It's going to be absolutely glamourous Katniss! You just have to answer the questions asked."

"Okay Effie," nods Katniss. "For you."

Effie looks touched before a tear falls from her face, "why thank you Katniss!" Then she retreats to another part of the house leaving Katniss in the entryway to greet Cinna, Portia, and the rest of her and Peeta's prep teams. "Make them fabulous!" she hollers from the living room. "My, my, my, do we have a lot of work to do here!" she exclaims.

"Hello, Cinna," Katniss sighs.

"Something wrong?" he asks. "You don't look too well."

"We'll talk about it later."

"Okay," he nods. "For now, where is the bathroom. We must make you - in Effie's own words - fabulous!"

"I'm aware," Katniss says somewhat bitterly, "let's get this over with."

"Precisely what I like to hear," says Peeta from the top of the stairs. "Cinna, Portia. Everyone. There's plenty of room up here."

"Wonderful," coos Portia. "Let's get you both looking as glamorous as possible! We've - you've - got a show to put on."


	4. Chapter 4

"Hello Ladies and Gentlemen!" booms the voice of Caesar Flickerman from the monitor. "We have some very special guests with us here tonight! Two of my favorite people, and I'm _so excited_! So excited!"

Katniss shifts awkwardly on the couch before whispering in Peeta's ears, "Not. A. Word."

"No," Peeta shakes his head profusely. "Never. Not at all."

"So Peeta, Katniss," Caesar addresses them, "how is married life treating you?"

"We're doing pretty good so far, Caesar," laughs Peeta.

"Any new, _developments_ ," the insinuation. "What can we expect from you two in the future?" Peeta and Katniss glance at each other. There's no way that he knows already. "Ooh!" he exclaims. "What was that look? Do you have something you'd like to share with Panem tonight?"

"No," they say resolutely in unison.

"Oh, come on," coaxes Caesar. "Don't leave us hanging!"

"She's been teaching me to shoot," says Peeta, astonishingly convincing. "Still not quite hitting the mark. But hopefully that will improve in the near future."

"Oh," says Caesar disappointed. "Has he taught you anything Katniss?"

"I burn everything I try to bake," she shrugs, "so he's doing better than I am...and I'm a horrible teacher."

"Well, I guess you'll have to adjust then, won't you?" laughs Caesar. "What with the Quarter Quell coming up here. You get to be Mentors this year! That must be exciting to think about!"

"Oh, yes," snaps Katniss, "training children for death." Peeta taps her shoulder.

"We're ready for anything Caesar," says Peeta quickly. "Well, not anything, but being mentors is a privilege so we're looking forward to doing it well, and getting to know our fellow Victors."

"I can certainly say," nods Caesar - feigning interest - "we're all glad to have some new Victors in District 12. It has been far too long, and at least now the girls will get some more one on one time!"

"Sexist," Katniss mumbles.

"Shh," hisses Peeta in her ear. "Don't provoke him."

"I'm sure you'll both do wonderfully," says Caesar emotionless.

The next few questions are a bore to everyone, Caesar, Katniss and Peeta, even the prep teams have started to yawn. It's clear that Caesar is not getting the answers he's wanting because he decides to ask the audience for questions. One person in the front row with bright blue hair - and the ugliest yellow suit ever - stands to ask his question and shocks everyone, "so how's the sex? It must be amazing being Victors and everything - defying death together and whatnot."

Katniss and Peeta stare at each other in utter shock. "What?"

"I believe the gentleman was asking about the sex," snickers Caesar. "I myself must admit I've been wondering the same thing."

"I don't really think-" Katniss starts.

"Oh come on," chides Caesar. "Give us something."

Then the front door bursts open and Mrs. Everdeen is standing in front of Katniss and Peeta looking right at the monitor where Caesar is waiting expectant. "Absolutely under no circumstances do they need to answer that question."

"Oh come my dear Mrs. Everdeen," chuckles Caesar. "It's a perfectly harmless question."

"Then do tell us _all_ about your sex life, Mr. Flickerman," snaps Katniss' mother.

"Okay," retreats Caesar. "Any other questions?" There's a temporary uproar at the question being dismissed, but Caesar is able to dissipate the anger and another Capitolite steps up to ask a question.

"When can we be expecting a little victor?" pipes a tiny woman with tomato red hair in a tacky white ensemble. Even Cinna cringes at the costume choice. Cinna has an eye for beauty, and clearly, an eye for an atrocity in heels.

"No immediate plans here, Caesar," says Peeta flatly.

"Why so taciturn Peeta?" mocks Caesar. "Come on, give us some details! You must have talked about it by now!" He laughs heartily. "You've been married long enough, you should have some sort of plan."

"We're still young Caesar," explains Peeta.

"She's already pregnant isn't she?" exclaims Caesar in elation.

"No…" Katniss drags the word out while shaking her head profusely till Peeta grabs the back of her head to stop her and then laughs nervously.

"You heard it here ladies and gentlemen!" shouts Caesar jumping up and down. "We'll see a child of not just one but two victors in the very near future! What wonderful news! This interview has gone much better than I anticipated! Of course we are all happy for you!" The camera pans to the audience and many have tears in their eyes, hands on their chests, or heads buried in the shoulder of someone sitting near them. "Well on that magnanimous note we'll end tonight's show! We hope to hear more from you both in the future! As for now, have a good night everyone and may the odds be always in your favor!" Then the screen cuts out.

"Is that true?" Katniss' mother immediately asks.

"It wasn't intentional," mumbles Katniss, barely audible.

Mrs. Everdeen sighs, "it never is." Walking forward she places her hand on Katniss' shoulder. "I can't say that this doesn't upset me, because that would be an absolute lie, but I think you two can handle it...though you don't have much choice in the matter."

"Hey you victors!" shouts a drunken Haymitch as he enters the house with a bang as the door crashes into the wall. "You were all nervous," he slurs coming into the living room as everyone stares on at the scene. "You were all nervous about anyone finding out, and now all of Panem knows? You two really need to sort out your priorities, because that was poor form my simple-minded minions."

"Are you okay?" Katniss stands and looks at him.

"Pft," he leans forward and crashes to the floor. "You two, are just," he gets back to his feet and stumbles over to Katniss, "you're getting everything that I didn't. Snow's plans just keep backfiring...and you two, you're going to be parents." When he's about a foot from Katniss he crashes to the floor shattering the bottle in his hand. "I didn't get nothing."

Peeta and Katniss make eye contact and almost as if agreeing completely Katniss turns to the camera crew, the prep teams, Portia, Cinna, Effie, and her mother and calmly asks them to leave. "This is a very personal matter. We will take care of this, but I need - we need -" she gestures to herself and Peeta, "you all to leave. And I'd _prefer_ ," whilst glaring at the camera crew she continues, "that this little event didn't make it into _any_ news platform. He's still recovering from the reaping...that's the last thing he needs now."

Without much prodding everyone leaves the house. Once the last guest has departed Katniss turns to find Peeta bandaging up a cut on Haymitch's hand. "Haymitch," drawls Katniss as she kneels down beside him, "what is going on? We've never seen you quite like this before...what is happening?"

Haymitch curls into a ball holding the top of the broken bottle in his arms. "It's okay Bonnie, you'll be fine." He starts to rock back and forth at a steady pace. "It's all my fault. It's all my fault. I did this to you. It's all my fault." He pauses, gives the bottle a slight kiss and then smashes it on the floor causing both Katniss and Peeta to jump back in alarm, "I did that to you!" he shouts.

"Haymitch," Katniss slowly squats down by him and pulls the bottle shards from his hand. "Who is Bonnie?"

"She was my girl," his shoulders slump and he falls over on the shards. "I got her killed."

"He's laying in a pool of blood," Katniss leans over Haymitch to tell Peeta. "We need to move him."

"I'll move him," Peeta nods towards the couch, "you just go grab some towels and bandages...lots of bandages."

"I can help you," Katniss begins to insist.

"You are," he smiles. "Please get the towels and bandages."

Katniss nods and leaves the room.

"How did you get her killed Haymitch?" asks Peeta hoisting Haymitch up off the bloodied ground and pushing the glass bits away with his boot. "I'm sure it wasn't your fault…"

Haymitch cuts him off, "No."

Peeta gets Haymitch steadied and solitary until Katniss has laid out the towels over the couch, and Peeta drags him over and lays the catatonic and babbling Haymitch down on the towels. Reaching above his head Haymitch grabs a pillow and holds on to it so tightly that Peeta doesn't know what to do.

"Who is Bonnie?" Katniss asks Peeta slowly sitting on the couch by Haymitch's feet.

"I think she was from the Seam," Peeta shrugs. "I don't know too much about people from the Seam...my parent's aren't exactly fans."

"So you don't really know?" she asks cautiously.

"No," Peeta shrugs as he starts to pull the bits of glass imbedded in Haymitch's forearm out. "Whatever happened…" Peeta glances at Katniss, "whatever happened...might have resulted in this." He gestures to Haymitch. "Maybe that's the reason he drinks - or at least _one_ of the reasons that he drinks. We still don't know how he won his Games, so it could really be anything."

"I guess that's true," Katniss gives a shrug and then starts to clean Haymitch's cuts.

"This is the worst I've ever seen him," mumbles Peeta.

"Yeah," Katniss shakes her head. "But we only ever really paid attention to him this year...it's not like he was on our radar too much when we were younger. He was always drunk, that much we knew. We didn't know him. We hadn't talked to him." She takes a deep breath and rubs a tear from her cheek with her elbow, "who know what he was like before us."

"We're all he has," Peeta looks down at Haymitch not in pity, but in shame. "He hasn't had anyone before us."

"He must have had someone," insists Katniss bandaging an already cleaned area of Haymitch's arm. "At some point."

"I've never heard of his family," Peeta shakes his head.

"Neither have I," Katniss leans her head down on Haymitch. "I'm _so_ sorry Haymitch...that you've been alone all this time."

"Well you're not alone anymore," Peeta says wrapping the final cut. "We're on this train together."

"I'm so sorry Bonnie…" Haymitch trails off once more into a garbled snore. "I'm so so sorry."

Over the next two and a half months Peeta spends his days in the kitchen or in the - will be - nursery. Katniss is banned from the room, which was probably a good thing, because as she was becoming more and more aware of her situation she was becoming more and more frightened of what the future was sure to hold.

"Peeta!" Katniss calls to him from the bottom of the staircase. "These cheese buns are going to burn if you don't get down here! And if you don't get down here I'm going to take them out of there myself!" There's a thud on the floor above and then hurried movement as Peeta rushes down the stairs and past Katniss. "It's not even the fact that you don't want them to burn, it's that you don't want me to grab them."

"Nope!" calls Peeta affectionately. "The last thing you need is to burn yourself on something."

"Peeta," she says flatly. Coming up behind him as he pulls the cheese buns out of the oven, she continues in a condescending tone, "I am still _months_ from having to be babied."

"Nonsense," he waves the air over his shoulder. "Never too soon for that."

"Yes, too soon," she leans forward hands on her hips, "now is too soon."

"Psh," he puts the cheese buns on the island in the middle of the kitchen. "Make sure you let those cool down before you eat them."

"Hey, I'm not the hungry one," she chides pointing to her slightly protruding belly. "Plus I don't want to look like a pig at the shower. I already feel like one, so there's no need to give anyone the ammunition to tell me that I look like one."

"You don't look like a pig," Peeta leans down and kisses her forehead. "Now I'm almost done. Give me an hour and then I'll bring you up and show it to you. Then we can watch the Quell announcement and get ready for Effie's insane baby shower."

"Fine," she grumbles. "But I'm not waiting until these are cold to eat."

Peeta laughs, "yeah, I kind of figured that much." With that he retreats to the upstairs again and there's a knock on the door. Peeta starts to come back and Katniss waves him back.

"I can answer the door Peeta," shaking her head she steps towards it.

"Holler if you need me," he calls down.

"Yes, I know, now go." He disappears from the landing and Katniss pulls the door open. "Hello Madge!" she exclaims. "How are you? Come in, won't you?"

"Hello Katniss," she smiles. "I'm more concerned about how you're doing, are you feeling well?"

"Oh," Katniss waves her hand in one quick motion downward, "I'm doing quite alright."

"Well, that's good to know," nods Madge walking into the house. "No one was sure."

"No one was sure?" says Katniss incredulous. "Did they think I was dead?"

"No," she shakes her head. "You just haven't been around."

"They turned the fence on Madge," Katniss sighs heavily and walks to the couch and sits down.

"We're aware," she shrugs.

"Katniss!" Peeta shouts.

"What?!" she jumps up from the couch and runs to the bottom of the stairs, Madge at her heels. "Is something wrong?" She rushes the landing. "Did you hurt yourself? Did something fall on you?" he doesn't respond immediately so she gets frantic, "PEETA!"

"I'm fine," he rushes forward to the top of the stairs and give her a _calm down_ hand motion. "Sorry." She glares at him. " _Sorry_. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"Well, Peeta," her hands are on her hips. "I've seen you almost die, so not answering me after yelling my name is not what you should be doing!"

"I know," his shoulders slump. "I'm sorry."

"I think I should go," says Madge quietly descending the stairs and walking to the door.

"Come over tomorrow?" Katniss beckons to her.

"Sure," Madge smiles and leaves closing the door behind her.

" _Peeta_ ," Katniss says through gritted teeth, "don't do that!"

"Sorry…" there's a pause. "I just got excited."

"Fine," she starts up the stairs. Upon reaching the top Peeta places his hands over her eyes. "Do you want me to trip and fall on something?" He drops his hands instantly. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Okay, well," he steps around to the front of her and grabs her hand, "I at least have to go in first."

"Alright," she nods and lets him pull her to the door. "Are you sure you're done?"

"Positive," he smiles and pushes the door open.

"Peeta…" Katniss is caught up in the room. It's her meadow. At sunset. She wasn't even aware that he'd been to the meadow before, and maybe he hadn't, maybe he just had a brilliant imagination...but it looked like the meadow. And the brilliance of the sunset. His favorite color, her favorite color. The room had bits of both of them. In that moment she realized her child would want for nothing as long as they had Peeta for their father, and they would always have the most brilliant mural in their room. "It's beautiful…" the only words she can form. Wrapping her arms around his waist he kisses her on the forehead.

"Perhaps this isn't how we wanted it to happen," he shrugs wrapping his arms around her. "But I think we'll do okay. I think we'll be alright Katniss. We have each other. We can do this together."

"I know," she nods as tears fall freely from her eyes.

Suddenly-

The monitor flashes on. It's the President's Mansion with the snake of a man standing behind a podium. "Hello." He goes on to give the history of the Hunger Games before addressing this current year, "And now as we honor this - our third Quarter Quell - On this the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes are to be reaps from their existing pool of victors in each District-" he continues to talk, but no one is listening.

"Peeta…" Katniss starts to falls and Peeta catches her sitting her in the rocking chair. "The odds will never be in our favor...will they?"

"It doesn't seem so…" he inhales and exhales so sharply that he drops to his knees.

"I guess we can cancel the shower," Katniss says as she bursts into tears.

Peeta wraps his arms around her, but even he can't hold it in.

The odds will never be in their favor. Not as long as Snow is alive. Not at all.


	5. Chapter 5

Katniss sits in the nursery clutching the blanket Madge had made for the baby and stares straight at the crib without saying a word. She's all but come unreachable, nothing anyone says helps, nothing anyone does makes her feel better. She has so far removed herself from everyone that the only person she even lets in the room is Peeta. Gale has tried more than once, but she's demanded he leave so fiercely that he hasn't been back since. Prim and her mother have stopped by but she refuses to see anyone. Peeta makes sure that she still eats, but even he has a hard time with company, though someone has to do it so most of that burden falls on him.

"Katniss," he says quietly entering the room. "What can I do?"

"Nothing," her voice is drained of life itself. "There's nothing to do Peeta. It doesn't matter what happens now. We're going back into an arena, I'll be several months along, how am I supposed to do anything but shoot? I can't run. All I can do _safely_ is my bow. And how am I supposed to watch your back if I've got to watch mine so intensely?"

"You worry about you and the baby," he nods towards her and then kneels down by the arm of the chair. "I'll worry about the both of us. I can take care of myself despite any thoughts you have about saving me."

"Haymitch's name could be called-" she starts but he cuts her off.

"You really think - under _any_ circumstances - that I wouldn't volunteer in his place?" his voice adamant. Katniss shrugs. "You _are_ going back in, that is unavoidable, but I'll be damned if you go in there without me."

"Haymitch could volunteer if your name is called-" he cuts her off again.

"No!" he shoots to his feet. "Katniss, this is not something to argue about. I'll go and threaten Haymitch if I have to, but you're not going in there without me!"

"You can't-"

"Katniss, if you say one more time anything about Haymitch going in instead, I will stop making cheese buns," his folds his arms over his chest.

"You won't," she smiles. "But I appreciate the choice of threat."

"No," he shakes his head and kneels again. "No I won't stop making you cheese buns. But you are going to stop talking about Haymitch going into that arena with you. There's nothing you can do to stop me from coming in there with you. We made it through the last time, we can make it through this time."

"They're-" she inhales sharply, "they're not going to let us both live this time." Then the tears are falling from her face at such a rapid pace, and she if hyperventilating so severely that Peeta pulls her to her feet and walks her to the bed and makes sure she lays down. "Peeta," she whimpers. "Stay with me?"

He gives her a reproachful look before climbing into bed beside her. She rolls to her side and rests her hand on his chest, his arm around her. "Always." Soon enough she falls asleep, Peeta doesn't dare move until he hears a knock at the door. Slowly and carefully he slips from her grasp and makes his way downstairs, taking great care not to make too much noise, for fear of waking her up. When he gets to the door he slowly pulls it open. He's not surprised by who is standing on the other side of the door.

"What do you want?" he spits vehemently.

"I know how much Katniss likes cheese-" he cuts her off.

"We will not be taking cheese buns from you mother," glaring he continues. "What do you want? That question still has not gotten an answer."

"We need you back at the bakery," she complains.

"If you hadn't noticed," he nearly shouts, "I'm needed here a little bit more than I would be there. What is wrong with Rye and Obi?"

"They're not being the most helpful as of now," she explains.

"Well what does that have to do with me?"

"At least when you're there I know you'll get your work done," she reaches out and clasps her hand around his forearm. "Come on."

"No," he yanks his hand free from her. "I'm staying here. If you need me to bake something, I'll do it from here, and then one of my supposedly incompetent brothers can come here and pick it up."

"It would be better-"

"No mom!" he shouts and then quickly looks behind him and listens for any sound of movement. "I'm staying here, now go back to town."

"What did that girl do to you?" she hisses. "You always listened before."

"She saved my life," he growls. "I owe her my life, for however long that will now be, I owe her the future, the world. You I don't owe anything. Besides giving birth to me you've never really helped me - and as she pointed out, you're supposed to support your children, _especially_ when they've been chosen to go fight to the death and likely die!"

"Without Katniss," she says with a grin, "you would have died."

"Thank you mother," he says dryly. "Now please - leave." He shuts the door and she yells obscene things at him through the door. Just then the door yanks open, nearly hitting him in the face.

" _Go_!" Katniss shouts at her. "Get off my porch. Get off my lawn. Get on the road. Walk home!" Peeta's mother stands there dumbfounded. "Go _now_!" Slowly his mother backs towards the stairs, walks down them and gets to the road, all the while never breaking eye contact with Katniss. "You're not welcome here. I don't want to see your miserable face here ever again. If you need him in the bakery, we have a phone, and _you can call it_!" she's screaming now. " _Go home!_ " And with that she heads back towards town.

"Katniss…." Peeta stares at her concerned. "That was an awful lot of energy there. You should go lay back down."

"Fine," she grumbles. "Get the cheese buns out of the oven and then come back. I don't like sleeping alone."

"Okay," he smiles at her. "I'll be right up."

"You better," she jabs her pointer finger in the air in front of his face.

"Okay," he raises his hands at his sides defensively.

"Good," she nods and turns to go back upstairs.

The next several days are more difficult than the last because Peeta's mother calls incessantly to try and get Peeta to come to the bakery, which she fails to do continuously. He bakes what she wants and one of his brothers picks it up and takes it back. He always thanks them, and gives them some money for good measure. He knows that they, at least, he can count on. His father hadn't talked to him much since he returned from the Games, not that he knew why, unless he didn't think he would survive either. So much for believing in your children.

"Peeta," calls Katniss from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" he walks into the kitchen to see her staring at the kitchen chair where there is a passed out Haymitch. "Did you let him in?" he asks.

"No," she shakes her head, "I thought that you did."

"No," he steps forward and gives Haymitch a shove. A good enough shove that Haymitch nearly falls out of the chair.

"What are you doing?" he growls, clutching on to the bottom of the chair.

"We need to have a chat," says Peeta plainly.

"Yeah, let me guess," he sighs, "you want me to die?"

"No," they say in unison.

"Then what is it?" he shrugs. "I'm pretty sure you don't want me to be a godparent."

"Absolutely not!" she says a little too confidently and a flash of hurt grazes his face.

"What we need to talk about Haymitch," Peeta pauses making sure that Haymitch is following him. "Well, what I need to talk to you about."

"You want to go in with her?" he asks Peeta uninterested.

"Yes," he nods emphatically. "I have to go in there with her."

"Well, I made a prior promise," he slowly concludes the sentence, "to make sure you stayed alive."

"Katniss!" Peeta shouts turning to face her. "You're not going in there without me!"

"Well what happens to me here if you die?!" she screams so loudly it wears her out and she has to sit down. "Did you think about that? I'll have no one here!"

"You'll have your mother and Prim!" he shouts in exasperation.

"Not what I mean Peeta!"

"Then you'll have Gale!" as soon as he says it even he pauses to collect his thoughts.

"No! No! None of them are you!" she's clutching her chest as she begins to sob. "God I hate hormones!" Angrily wiping the tears away she continues, "You and Haymitch are the _only_ two people in this District that know what I've gone through! You especially because you were there! No one else can relate to that! And with my luck I'll have to watch this child die on live television because Snow is a vindictive son of a bitch!"

"Katniss…" Peeta tries to cut her off but she shoves his hand away.

"No, Peeta, don't!" she gets to her feet and rushes from the room. As Peeta tries to follow her she races up the stairs - knowing he can't go as quickly because of his leg - runs to the nursery tosses the door open and slams it shut behind her. Walking to the rocking chair she grabs the blanket she was clutching before, holds it to her face and begins to cry, Peeta is knocking on the door pleading for her to let him in, but instead she falls asleep in the chair.

What must be hours later she's wakes in her bed. She doesn't even remember moving there. Peeta must have gotten the door open and carried her to their room. Looking to her side she notices Peeta is sleeping soundly beside her. No twitching. No nightmares. Watching him sleep was one of the most relaxing things for her, it's in this moment that she realized just how horrible her reaction earlier had been, wanting to wake him but also wanting to let him sleep is why she remained there watching him. "I'm sorry," she whispers to his back.

"I know," he mumbles and extends his hand behind him to clasp hers.

"I'm just so emotional _all the time,_ " she whines.

Peeta laughs good naturedly, "I know."

"I'm usually much better at keeping my emotions in check," she sighs.

"I know," he turns to face her. "You were absolutely convincing in the first Games. I believed you completely."

"It wasn't all a lie, you know…" she says quietly.

"I know," he grins, "but overall, what you did was for the cameras, for Panem, for Haymitch...not for yourself, or for me." He shrugs. "I'm sorry for how I behaved after that, it was wrong of me to treat you that way, but I was very hurt Katniss."

"I know," she brushes his face with the back of her hand. "I am sorry Peeta. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. Feelings are confusing trivial things, and I just have a hard time connecting to them...except now...because I cry over cheese buns."

"Well they are beautiful, those cheese buns," with a wink and a smile he brushes the hair from her forehead.

"They really are," she nods as she starts to cry. "See?" she points to her face, "I get emotional over starch and dairy." She scoots over towards him and he wraps his arms around her. "I really am sorry about earlier."

He laughs, "I know," kisses the back of her head. "Now get some more sleep. You must be exhausted." Nodding she pulls his arms more securely around her center. "This may not be the life that you had in mind, but for what it's worth, and what it's been...we've had a pretty good run."

"It'd be nice if I could run," she laughs at the thought of herself running. "I'm going to die in that arena."

" _Stop it,_ " emphasizes Peeta. "You're not going to die. It's not allowed. Not even remotely acceptable. You're going to be the only person out of that arena, if I have to go on a murder spree to ensure that."

"Okay, simmer down there," she pats his head. "You get some sleep too. We both are going to need it. No rest for the weary in the Capitol. No rest for the weak in the arena. No rest for me, because I have nightmares every night."

"You didn't last night," he says encouragingly. "No nightmares."

She smiles and cranes her neck around to look into his eyes, "My nightmares are about losing you, I'm okay once I realize you're here."

"Whoever said that was a genius," his smile is contagious.

"Hmm," Katniss ponders. "Thanks for the compliment."

Peeta kisses her forehead, "get some sleep. You need it."

"Thank you," she says turning back around.

"For what?"

"For being you."

"Well, it would be kind of hard for me to be anyone else," he snickers.

"I've seen you in the Capitol...you could be anyone you wanted to be. Thank you for being you."

"You're welcome, being me is pretty great."

Then they laugh until their sides can't take it anymore and fall asleep, in the way it was and is always supposed to be...in each other's arms warding off nightmares, protecting from the dangers that attack in the night, saving from a future that's as distant and as changing as a brilliant sunset. For now, there's peace. For now, there are no Games. For now, there is just them, and the dream that something might be good again. One day. Sometime in the future.

The next months leading up to the reaping are fraught with emotional highs and lows. Many people try to come and cheer them up but it doesn't work. Effie still insisted on a baby shower on the off-chance that Katniss would make it out of the arena. Effie was absolutely convinced that no one would kill someone who was pregnant. They were grateful for her optimism, but Katniss was more pessimistic than ever, and doubting more and more every moment the odds of her living through an arena where she would be more restricted in protecting herself than ever before. The night before the reaping Katniss and Peeta didn't say a single word, instead stayed in their bed and each other's arms. Peeta who was usually trying to encourage her was speechless. In all the time that they had been married, no moment was so consumed with anxiety as this, no moment was so enveloped in anger as this, no moment was so unbearable as this.

The morning of the reaping, Peeta made breakfast as usual, but no one ate. Haymitch convinced Katniss that she at least should eat something. "Not that I care," he shrugged. "But that baby is going to get awfully hungry if you don't feed it something, and I don't think that it can survive on anxiety, as you seem so keen on doing right now." Katniss listened to him and ate the hearty breakfast Peeta made. The tension in the house was worse than ever. And at 1:50 in the afternoon, Peacekeepers - led by Thread - showed up at the house to escort them into town.

As soon as they enter the city circle Peeta grabs Katniss' hand, "I'll be right here."

"I know," she squeezes his hand as they part to their respective pens. Like lambs being led to slaughter.

Effie took her usual place on the stage, but her voice cracks so frequently, Katniss wonders if she wouldn't just burst into tears. "Shall we start with the ladies?" she glances at Katniss and inhales sharply as she reaches into the bowl which can hold only one name. One woman. One female victor from District 12. "Katniss Everdeen." She looks a second time and then back at the crowd. "It says Everdeen." Surely this had to do with Snow.

Taking a deep breath, Katniss made her way from the pen to the stage, where Effie embraces her and croaked into her ear, "I'm so sorry." Turning back she faces the crowd once more and steps up to the microphone. "And now for the men." Reaching into the bowl that contains only two names. Only two male victors. With a sigh she reads, "Haymitch Abernathy."

"I volunteer as tribute!" shouts Peeta resolutely.

"Peeta, I can't let you do that," Haymitch grabs his arms.

"You knew this was going to happen," Peeta's eyes pleading. "You can't stop me."

"Peeta," he tries again.

"Haymitch, let go," Peeta jerks his arm from Haymitch's grip and walks to the stage and takes his place on the other side of Effie.

With a voice trying too hard to not sound broken, "Very well then," Effie says glancing between the two victors, her victors. "Katniss Me-Everdeen and Peeta Mellark." Then a silence falls so strong that it's felt. Then just as before, as tribute, a final goodbye...the three finger salute is raised and District 12 says goodbye to their victors as they're rushed back into the Justice Building.

"I get to say goodbye," grunts Katniss as they start to pull her.

"New plan," snaps Thread. "Straight to the train."

As they pull her she clasps the doorway and shouts goodbye to her mother and Prim, and then they are taken right to the train. The resulting silence in the car is enough that if a pen were to drop, everyone would be able to tell where it landed, not just hear it land.

Once on the train Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch take a seat in the lounge car and say nothing. Katniss trying to come to grips what the eventual fate of these Games would be. Either she would die, or she would be coming back without Peeta, the first more preferable to the second...though the likelihood of the second was greater.

Entering the train quietly and grabbing Katniss hands, Effie utters her first words since the reaping and disappearing into her car, "I've had a thought."

"Oh really?" patronizes Haymitch.

"Katniss has her Mockingjay pin and I have my hair," she nods as if convincing herself to go on. "I'm going to get a token for you boys also. To show them we are a team. And we are, aren't we?" Katniss nods. "To show them, that they - they -" she stammers.

"Thank you Effie," Katniss says giving her hands a slight squeeze.

Regaining her composure she drops Katniss hand and begins to explain how this will be different, because it's a Quarter Quell. Haymitch talks about getting allies, Katniss objects firmly more than once, and then he just gives up on trying to convince her why it's a good idea. "They're all experienced killers," he shakes his head. "It's not just you two that have won this year. This affects all of us. Fine, go it alone, but their first goal is going to be to take you out - both of you."

"No," she shakes her head again.

"Katniss," says Peeta through gritted teeth. "You're pregnant. It's not going to work like that. We can't go into it this Games without allies."

"We did just fine with you and I last year," she argues.

"Well, yes," he shrugs, "and that's probably why we're in the place we are now."

"No," she exaggerates the word. "I don't want any allies. I just want it to be you and I."

Peeta shakes his head, "Be realistic Katniss. I can't keep you safe by myself."

"Well what happens when our supposed allies turn on us?"

"I'll kill them before they have the chance," he nearly shouts.

"Oh calm down," snaps Haymitch. "Fine, talk about it with yourselves. But Katniss in your condition, he's right. Sure you can still shoot, but you don't even know if they'll have a bow for you to use."

"They want a good Games this year," she shakes her head. "I'm sure we'll all have what we're best at. Because it's more entertaining to watch people who are already killers, kill with their weapons. No Haymitch, we'll have the weapons that we need. They want a good game, and that's the best way to ensure that."

"You should be prepared either way," he tries to say.

"No."

"I give up," Haymitch shouts throwing his hands in the air and grabbing a bottle off the table and wanders out of the room.

"Be reasonable, Katniss," Peeta pleads. "I don't want anything to happen to you, and I might need other people just to make sure that doesn't happen." The rest of the evening is spent in silence, and in the morning they've reached the Capitol. Nightmares and all still intact. Worse than ever, more present than ever.


	6. Chapter 6

The last few hours on the train were spent reviewing the competition and watching the reapings. One commentator broke down at Katniss's name being called, saying she deserved better and that poor child, and was equally distraught when Peeta volunteered for Haymitch. "This is sure to be the most heartbreaking Games ever."

The next day, after a safe arrival, Katniss and Peeta split up to be remade...yet again. Cinna and Portia had a different idea entirely for this year, they would look like coal, but their signature fire outfits were going to still happen with a new twist.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Peeta folds his arms at Cinna. "With the baby and all?"

"Baby should be fine," Cinna waves his hand in the air. "No reason at all to worry. It's even less dangerous than last year, and last year wasn't very dangerous either." Peeta glares. "I _promise_ , the baby and Katniss will both be fine."

"Okay…" says Peeta still not certain he believes them.

"I'm going to go see the horses, and head down there early," she pats Peeta on the shoulder.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I'll be alright. What exactly can they do to me now that doesn't go against the rules? And they all know them, this isn't the first time that they've been here, however it may be there last."

"Hence my concern."

"I'll be fine," shaking her head she walks to the door and pulls it open. "We'll be fine," she shuts the door behind her and rubs her hand over her protruding belly. "I promise. Even if we're not, we'll be fine. Your father is determined to die for us, so at least we'll live, I think." She gets in the elevator and takes it down to the main floor and walks to the garage where all the chariots and horses are. To her amazement many of the tributes/victors are already there, chatting, catching up, doing the things that friends typically do.

Walking over to the last chariot - designated for District 12 - she begins to stroke the horse's mane. "How did we get here, huh?" she asks it, despite the fact that she knows it won't be able to respond.

"Hello, Katniss," comes a voice to her right. Turning she finds Finnick, with barely anything on, except for covering what little area was somewhat required, though she figured he'd feel comfortable wearing nothing at all anyways.

"Hello, Finnick," she says back plainly.

"Want a sugar cube?" he holds out his hand to her to reveal his hand is full of the things. She stares at him bemused. "It's supposed to be for the horses, but I mean … who cares about them? They have years to eat sugar whereas you and I … we see something sweet and we better take it."

"No thanks, but I would love to borrow that outfit sometime."

"You look pretty terrifying in that getup," he mocks. "What happened to all the little girl dresses?"

"I outgrew them."

"You certainly did," he patronizes. "Shame this Quell thing. Now you...you could have made out like a bandit in the Capitol - jewels, money, anything you wanted."

"Well I don't like jewels and have more money than I need, so … what did you do with all your wealth anyway?" She shifts, uncomfortably.

"Oh, I haven't dealt in anything as common as money in years."

"Well, then, how do people pay for the pleasure of your company," she says condescendingly.

He leans so close to her that his lip almost touches her ear, "with secrets," he whispers seductively. Pulling back - only slightly - "what about you girl on fire? Any secrets worth my time?"

"I'm an open book. Everybody seems to know my secrets, before I know them myself."

"Unfortunately, I think that's true." He pulls back to his original position. "Sorry you had to cancel your shower. I can only imagine how big of a disappointment that must have been for you."

Peeta then enters and walks right up to them. Finnick turns to face Peeta. "Peeta." He nods and walks away.

"Finnick," Peeta returns the informality. Turning to Katniss he asks, "What did he want?"

"To know all my secrets," she whispers in his ear the same way that Finnick did.

"Ugh," he grunts, "No. Not really?"

"Really," she nods.

Then comes the call for tributes to get into their chariots for the parade and Peeta offers Katniss his hand. Taking his hand she steps up into the chariot and turns to pull him up but he hops up on his own. "I've got this," he beams. "Are we supposed to smile and wave this year? No one is here to ask."

"Maybe they left that up to us," she says casually.

"Mercy or no mercy?" he prompts.

"Absolutely no mercy," she shakes her head.

"Together?" he extends his hand to her.

"Together," she grabs his hand and holds on firmly.

"You going to be okay?" he asks as the chariot pulls forward.

"Psh, I'll be perfectly okay."

Then they are pulled out into the Capitol to the shouts, chants, and exclamations of their voices. If anyone else's names were being chanted, they couldn't tell. But they do not acknowledge the crowd, they do not smile or wave, they are silent, they are stoic, they are as radiant and deadly as the sun.

Clicking a spot on her gown, Katniss' outfit springs to life and the crowd grows even louder. Tributes begin to stare, some in appreciation, some in anger. Peeta had hit his button at the same time and now here they were again, the girl - and boy - on fire. Once again irresistible, but this time vengeful, unforgiving, unamused, deadly.

Rounding in front of the President's mansion Katniss makes eye contact with the President himself. The only look of acknowledgement that she gives anyone, and it's not there to be an encouragement, it's there to threaten, it's there to say that even though this is what you will have happen to us, we will not take it lightly, we will not go down without a fight...we will never forgive you.

Before they know it they're back in the garage and everyone is still staring at them as they switch their outfits off. Haymitch comes from the other side of the room, clapping obnoxiously and smiling at them. "Brilliant work out there you two!"

"Thanks," Katniss quips as Peeta hops out of the chariot and offers her hand so she can get down. "We learned from the best."

"Yes you did," nods Haymitch. "Now let's get you two to bed. Well, the three of you I guess." Walking towards the elevator they get on, followed by Johanna Mason - District 7 victor and tribute - just as the doors are about to slide shut.

"Well don't you all look wonderful," she scoffs. "My stylist is a _complete_ idiot. District 7. Lumber. Trees. Absolutely no creativity. We've been wearing the same unfortunate outfits for years. You would think she would do something special for us this year, but no. Nothing of the sort." Sighing heavily she turns and backs up to Peeta. "Unzip?"

"Sure," he shifts awkwardly but raises his hand to unzip her.

"Thanks," she turns to face them and pulls her one piece atrocity off, leaving her in nothing but her shoes. Katniss awkwardly tries to avoid her eyes but Johanna strikes up a conversation with Peeta and she can't help glaring at him. "So how does it feel knowing the whole world wants to sleep with you?"

"I don't think the whole-" Katniss begins.

"I wasn't talking to you," she snaps and then winks at Peeta.

"Okay…" drawls Katniss.

Johanna continues to talk to Peeta until the elevator reaches her floor and she exits, "Thanks! Let's do it again sometime soon!" Her laughter echos as her voice and her naked body disappear down the hallway.

Katniss lets go of Peeta's hand roughly. "What?" He stares at her in amusement. "Oh," he shakes his head as she crosses her arms over her chest. "You're worried about her?" he jabs his thumb in her direction as the doors of the elevator slide shut in front of them. "It's not like she's any real competition...except maybe in the arena."

"Nudity doesn't bother you one bit, does it?" she says in a condescending tone.

"No," Peeta shrugs. "Not really."

"Not really?" chortles Haymitch. "Well I appreciated that greatly."

"Of course you would," Katniss says tilting her head to the side to look at Haymitch. Then he and Peeta burst into laughter.

"What?" she hisses at them.

"It's you, Katniss. Can't you see?" he looks down into her eyes.

"What's me?" she retorts.

"Why they're acting this way. They're playing with you because you're so … you know."

"No, I don't know."

"It's like how you wouldn't look at me naked in the last Games, even though I was half dead," he adds with a hint of irony. You're so … pure," he finally says.

"I am not!" she says with indignation. "Doesn't this prove I'm not?" she gestures argrily all around her stomach.

"Well, to the Capitol you're pure. For me, you're perfect. They're just teasing you."

"No, you're all laughing at me," she says.

"No," Peeta shakes his head, still suppressing a smile.

The elevator doors open and Katniss walks forward as fast as she can manage. If she weren't six months pregnant she would probably be much faster than she was. In her haste she almost falls face first into the ground, but Peeta's strong arms are there to catch her and he pulls her back onto her feet in perfect timing. However, she is still so angry with him for laughing that she doesn't even bother to say thank you, and spends the entire dinner not talking with him and in horror that Darius has been turned into an avox.

Later in the evening it is time to watch the recap of the tribute parade, and Katniss still angry with Peeta, plops herself on the couch between Cinna and Haymitch. Peeta guiltily sits next to Effie, and watches her from a distance, despite Katniss' obvious choice not to sit next to him, he still can't help but worry about her. Perhaps he should not have laughed, but it was funny...at the time.

After a restless night Katniss makes her way to the dining room, finding only Haymitch and Peeta eating breakfast. "You're late," snarls Haymitch through his drink glass.

"Sorry. I didn't sleep very well through all the nightmares last night," she admits, averting her eyes from Peeta who she locked out last night after his laughing at her, she sits at the table across from Haymitch.

Haymitch rolls his eyes, "Fine. Whatever. But today in training you two are going to need to make some friends. And it would help a whole lot, sweetheart, if you could do that without being mad at your husband."

"No," she shakes her head. "I don't trust them."

"This isn't about trust, Katniss," grumbles Haymitch.

"I just want it to be the two of us."

"That I would agree with," starts Peeta. "If you weren't pregnant."

"So?" she says indignantly.

"So we're going to need some allies, Katniss," explains Peeta turning to face her. "Be mad at me, fine, that's up to you. But on this point I stand firm. We need allies. We need people we can at least know that for the first few days, are going to have our backs, and I can't do that without some participation and acceptance from you."

"Why?" she asks.

"I thought we already covered this?" Haymitch shakes his head profusely. "If you go it alone, you're going to be their first target. A lot of good protecting each other you'll be doing, if you don't have anyone else to help you." He grunts loudly and then speaks again, "You two can fight. Perhaps not as easily, but you're popular, that could make you desirable allies alone."

"No."

"Find and team up with whoever you'd like," Haymitch sighs. "But just remember you're not being thrown in there with a bunch of children this year, Miss I-don't-need-help-I'm-self-sufficient-except-maybe-I'll-take-Peeta-too. These are all experienced killers, no matter what shape they appear to be in."

"Fine," she pouts. "I'll try. But I don't like it."

"Doesn't matter," say Haymitch and Peeta in unison.

After a completely silent remainder of breakfast Effie comes up to tell Katniss and Peeta to get dressed, fuses over them, and eventually walks them right to the elevator. She never ceases to tell them how proud she is. With the guilt trip fresh in her mind, Katniss and Peeta get on the elevator that takes them down to the training center floor. As the elevator door parts they are faced with far less tributes than they expected. Everyone seems to think they have nothing to worry about, and as such, has decided not to show up.

Agreeing that it would be best to split up, Katniss and Peeta take opposite sides of the room and begin to analyze their competition, something they hadn't been overly concerned with last year. Katniss had plans to try to win for Prim, Peeta had plans to die for Katniss. Not much had changed in a year.

After spending some time at the rope tying station, a pair of arms wrap around her center, to her dismay she jumps back to see Finnick. Of course it's Finnick. Why should she be so surprised? Everyone knew how much of a desire he was here in the Capitol, including Katniss. Laughing at her apparent discomfort Finnick grabs the rope to her right and begins to tie an intricate looking rope...a noose. He puts it around his next and jokes about taking him for a walk. With a roll of her eyes Katniss moves on.

By talking briefly with Wiress and Beetee, Katniss' attention is brought to the area where the Gamemakers stand. Katniss seems confused and Wiress gives a slight laugh. Pointing at Plutarch Heavensbee who is standing in the center of the platform, "look."

"Yes? He's been promoted to Head Gamemaker."

"No, no. There, by the corner of the table. You can just …" says Wiress.

Beetee squints under his glasses. "Just make it out."

Confused Katniss stares in the direction of the table and can just catch that it seems to be vibrating, as if the air was rippling in tiny visible waves, distorting the wood and goblet of wine someone left there.

"A force field. They've set one up between the Gamemakers and us. I wonder what brought that on," Beetee says.

"Me, probably," says Katniss. "Last year I shot an arrow at them during my private training session. I was provoked," she says defensively. "So, so all force fields have a spot like that?"

"Chink," says Wiress vaguely.

"In the armor, as it were," finishes Beetee. "Ideally it'd be invisible, wouldn't it?"

Before Katniss has a chance to ask them anymore about it, lunch is called and everyone heads to the dining hall. The group that Peeta had surrounded himself with all begin dragging several smaller tables over to one area to form a larger table. Katniss goes around the food carts gathering food when Peeta ruses over to her.

"How's it going?"

"Good. Fine. I like Wiress and Beetee, from District 3," she says.

"Really?" he sounds shocked. "Johanna calls them Nuts and Volts."

"Oh, and so I'm stupid for liking them," she snaps, "because of something that Johanna Mason said while she was over there oiling up her naked body, and you just had to go over there and talk to her."

"About wrestling," Peeta excuses. "And actually I think the nickname's been around for years. I wasn't trying to insult them, or you for that matter, Katniss. I'm just sharing the information I've gathered."

"Well they invent things, and they're really smart." She sets the tray down on one of the carts and looks at him. "If we have to have allies, and Haymitch seems moot on the point of it ever being otherwise, I want them." Angrily she gets some stew from the cart in front of her and tosses the ladle back into the dishes, splashing them both with hot gravy.

"What are you so angry about?" Peeta asks wiping the gravy off his face and then hers as well. "Because I reased you in the elevator? I'm sorry. I honestly thought you would just laugh about it. Or is this about Johanna?"

"Forget it," she shakes her head.

"Allies?" he asks.

"The Games, Haymitch insisting we have allies, this baby," she sighs.

"I know," he wraps his arm around her shoulders and gives her a gentle squeeze while placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"Well, maybe Haymitch is right," she shrugs and shivers a little at the thought. "Don't tell him I said so, but he usually is, at least where the Games are concerned."

"Well, you can have the final say about our allies. But right now, I'm leaning toward Chaff and Seeder," says Peeta.

"I'll think about it," she says.

"Come on and eat with us," he grabs her tray as they walk towards the assembled tables and chairs. "I promise no one else will get naked."

Lunch goes by quickly and Katniss does try to befriend people, or at least not look at them so hostilely. When they're all brought back to the training room Katniss tries to connect with the other victor tributes, but it's clear how some of them feel about her, and how she feels about them. Mags wins Katniss over, but few others have any kind of luck.

After she gets fed up with trying to make friends she heads straight over to the archery range. Katniss begins to try out different bows and arrows. The trainer being impressed decides to start throwing fake birds in the air for her to hit. She hits them all for awhile so he increases the amount that he's throwing, eventually Katniss becomes aware of the fact that she can hear them each drop to the floor and looks around to see majority of the other victors have gathered around her to watch. Some with looks of envy, others with looks of hatred, and still some with looks of admiration.

After training, Peeta and Katniss sit together in the lounge area of their floor. And after eating some dinner they sit down to relax, Peeta against the couch and Katniss leaning into him. For a while they don't say anything and sit there in the cool embrace of the other. "That was some pretty impressive shooting there in training," Peeta finally says.

"Nah," she shakes her head.

Then Haymitch comes rushing into the room, "At least half of the tributes have instructed their mentors to request you as an all. And I _know_ it can't be your sunny personality, and I'm pretty sure it's not out of pregnant victor sympathy."

"They saw her shoot," says Peeta with a smile. "Actually, I saw her shoot, for real, for the first time. I'm about to put in a formal request myself." Katniss gives him a light jab with her elbow in his side.

"You're that good?" Haymitch asks. "So good that even Brutus wants you?"

Katniss shrugs, "I don't want Brutus."

"Then who do you want?"

"Wiress and Beetee," she admits quietly.

" _What_?" asks Haymitch irritated. "Anyone else?"

"Mags."

Peeta hits his head against the wall and Haymitch shakes his head.

"Of course you do," Haymitch gripes. "I'll tell everyone you're still making up your mind."

The next two days of training go by well. Despite still being occasionally teased in different ways, by different people, and for different reasons, Katniss starts to feel like she fits in...and fitting in means that she starts to realize that overall she doesn't hate them. Some she even likes, and even still a lot are so damaged that her first instinct is to protect them, but that's not what's important now.

The final day of training ends in the private session. As the people begin to leave the room it gets down to where Peeta and Katniss are the only ones left. As the girl of District 12, Katniss is scheduled to go last. "Decided what to do yet?" Peeta asks breaking the silence.

"I can't really use them as target practice this year, with the force field and all, so naturally no, I don't know. What about you?"

"Not a clue. I keep wishing I could just bake them a cake or something."

"Do more camouflage," Katniss suggests.

"If the morphlings left me anything to work with," he says wryly. "They've been glued to that station since training started."

After several more moments in silence Katniss grabs ahold of Peeta's hand. "How are we going to kill these people, Peeta?"

"I don't know," he leans his forehead down on their hands.

"I don't want them as allies," she shakes her head. "I already tolerate - and even like - some of them too much already. I can't kill these people Peeta. It'll be so much harder this time. Except Rue, but I guess I never could have killed her, anyway. She was just too much like Prim."

Peeta's head shoots up, "Her death was the most despicable, wasn't it?"

"None of them were very pretty," she says.

"Peeta Mellark," comes the overhead voice.

"See you soon?" he asks kissing her hand.

"See you soon," she nods as he lets go of her hand and leaves the room.

After what must have been the longest ever break between tributes, Katniss' named is called - still Everdeen, the Capitol must have missed that memo - and with as much gusto as she can manage makes her way inside the training room. The Gamemakers stand both shaken and cautious. _What did Peeta do?_ She wonders before smelling every cleaning product known to the Capitol. Whatever he did, they certainly were having quite the time cleaning it up, then she notices a mat laying in a very bizarre place of the room and knows that whatever he must have done it was a big enough deal that they thought they had to hide it from her.

In her anger Katniss ties a knot and with what little paint was left, scribbles a name on a dummy before hoisting it in the air. Gasps are heard from the entire Gamemaker area as the name SENECA CRANE spins into their view. Bowing slightly Katniss meets Plutarch's gaze, and instead of horror, there is a look of mock admiration on his face. Taking her leave of the room she heads back to her floor, and as soon as she opens the door everyone is ready to pounce.

"Alright," says Haymitch. "How did the sessions go?"

Katniss and Peeta glance at each other briefly before she says, "You first. It must have been really special because I had to wait forty minutes to go in."

Peeta is regarded speechless - albeit briefly - before explaining, "Well, I - I did the camouflage thing, like you suggest, Katniss." He hesitates. "Not exactly camouflage. I mean, I used the dyes."

"To do what?" asks Portia.

"You painted something," interjects Katniss. "Didn't you? A picture."

"Did you see it?" he asks her.

"No. But they'd made a real point of covering it up," she tells him.

"That is typical," Effie chimes in. "They can't let tributes see what one another did. Was it a picture of Katniss?" she asks with a sigh.

"Why would he paint a picture of me, Effie?" Katniss asks and Effie gives this long response about how it would be to show that he would take care of Katniss, that he was going to do everything in his power to protect her, but Peeta injects that it was actually a painting of Rue instead, surrounded in flowers, the way Katniss left her. Haymitch begs to know why.

"I'm not sure. I just wanted to hold them accountable, if only for a moment," says Peeta. "For killing that little girl." Effie freaks out, Haymitch, Portia, and Cinna all remain silent, but their faces are serious.

"I guess this is a bad time to mention I hung a dummy and painted Seneca Crane's name on it," she admits.

"You … hung … Seneca Crane?" says Cinna.

"Yes. I was showing off my new knot-tying skills, and he somehow ended up at the end of a noose," she explains. Effie who is clearly upset by the whole thing, gets up and leaves the table. Fat lot of good her tributes are doing this year.

"You'd have thought we planned it," says Peeta, giving Katniss just the hint of a smile.

After some more brief conversation, the rest of the meal is observed in silence. After they've finished eating they make their way to the television to watch the announcement of the training scores. Those who were expected to score high did, and those expected to score moderately or low, also met expectations. To the surprise of everyone, both Peeta and Katniss score twelves, making Hunger Games history...a victory that no one is in a hurry to celebrate.

"Why did they do that?" Katniss asks no one in particular.

"So that the others will have no choice but to target you," says Haymitch flatly. "Go to bed. I can't stand to look at either one of you."

Peeta and Katniss do as their told. Peeta lays down and pulls the blankets up over his chest, but when Katniss finally makes her way over he tosses the blankets aside so she can curl up next to him. "I'm sorry if I made things worse." He calls softly to her in the silence as she rests her head on his chest, one arm protectively around get stomach, the other on his chest.

"I don't think we helped ourselves any more than we helped each other with what we did," Katniss digresses. "And I don't mean just today. It all started in the last Games when I held those berries out to you. Everything that has happened since then has been entirely my fault, Peeta. You can't deny that fact."

"It's not like I'm innocent, Katniss," he brushes her hair from her forehead. "I didn't have to take those berries, plus, I was in the Games not fighting to make it home, but fighting so you could make it home...that in and of itself is rebellion."

"Let's not talk about rebellion," she says softly. "Let's talk about anything else."

"I'll bet you that baby is going to be one beautiful or handsome person," he says with a smile. "And it's going to have a great mother, and live to see the future, perhaps different than our own, something that we as of yet have not dared dream about or hope for. Maybe there's a time in the future when they won't starve, or have to fear the Games, maybe…"

"Shh," Katniss says putting a finger to his lips and meeting his gaze. "You shouldn't talk like that. Someone might hear you."

"Oh, Katniss," he sighs, kissing her forehead, "that won't matter."

"Nothing will matter if I have to raise this kid by myself," her voice cracks.

"Katniss…" he starts.

"No," she shakes her head, "we're not talking about this anymore."

"Okay…" he lays back, not comfortably.

They lay in silence for a while before Katniss finally speaks again.

"That nursery was beautiful," tears stream down her face. "I've wanted to tell you that, so many more times, but it was just the easiest place to hide when I was trying to deal with things like the Quell. It was a gentle reminder that some things are good, but then I would leave the room and nothing would be good, so I'd go back to the nursery and things would be good again. Nothing will ever be good again if you die."

"Katniss, lets not talk about this right now," he coos. "We don't have to talk about this."

"You'd be an _amazing_ father, Peeta," she inhales sharply. "I've always known that, I just didn't want to have children...not ones that Snow can get to. I don't want to have children inside his reach, but what am I supposed to do now? What are we supposed to do?" she begins to sob almost violently. "What are we going to do Peeta?"

"Oh, Katniss," he pulls her close. "If I could change any of this, oh god, you know I would."

"I know," she nods using the blanket to wipe away her tears.

"A lot of good lovers has gotten us," she hiccups. "That wasn't me."

"Katniss," he sighs heavily trying to get ahold of himself, if only for her sake. "That nursery will always be good. If something happens to me in that arena, and we don't both make it out, you can always go to the nursery. You can always find the good. Go there, it can be good again, go to the nursery and it will all be good again."

"No," she shakes her head. "Nothing would be good again without you."

"Thanks for that," he says. "But there's more to life than you and me."

"I know," she hiccups again. "I know. But since the Games...since I thought I was going to lose you. Nothing has been the same, nothing will ever be the same if something happens to you...you might be able to ignore it, but I can't. No nursery, however spectacular, can make something good again that isn't."

"Katniss, I want you to promise me," he pulls her face up to make eye contact with her, "that you'll go to the nursery when you need things to be good again. Take this moment with you if you need to, take this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever. Truth is we don't know what is going to happen, but it'll all be okay. Go to the nursery Katniss. Choose to believe that there is still good out there somewhere. Choose love. Choose life."

"Peeta…" she chokes out and cries herself to sleep. Peeta drifts off not soon after that.

Busy, busy, busy, busy day tomorrow.

Tomorrow were the interviews.


	7. Chapter 7

When morning arrives, neither Katniss or Peeta are in any sort of hurry to leave the safety, comfort, and absolute state of denial of their bedroom. They were in the Capitol - yes, they knew that - but the Capitol didn't have to own every moment of their lives while they were there, or at least, they shouldn't. For a while they lay there, comforted in nothing but the presence of the other. Finally daring to break the silence…

"How are you feeling Katniss?" asks Peeta.

"I'm alright," she shrugs before rolling over to face him. "Baby seems fine." There's a long paused before Katniss adds, "For now." Peeta's face turns harsh and she knows she's offended him. Never since the first Games had he said anything that made her feel this guilty, and it was not a feeling that she liked. "I'm sorry," she adds frantically. "It's just so hard to be positive about anything, when anything and everything around us, is calling for our end."

"I know," Peeta says stroking her face. "But, for my sake at least, please quit reminding me that someone is out to get us and that like it or not, one of us -"

"Don't you _dare_ , say that!" she hisses.

"-That we don't know what the outcome will be," he fumbles the words. For the next several minutes Katniss does nothing but glare at him. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to be realistic here. This isn't going to work out the way we want it to, Katniss. You know that as well as I do. And all the denial in the world is not going to change anything."

"That doesn't mean I want to hear about it," she says through gritted teeth.

"Valid point," he nods and sits upright. "I'm going to get dressed and find out what the plan is for today."

"The interviews."

"Well, yes," he rolls his eyes. "But last year, by now we were already talking about what we were planning on talking about in our interviews and practicing what we were going to say and things like that, but Effie hasn't come in to get us, and neither has Haymitch. Doesn't that make you the least bit curious?"

He was right. She was curious. "I guess we should go find out."

"I can go do that," he swings his legs out over the side of the bed and begins the arduous process of putting on his artificial leg.

Katniss rolls back the other way, sits up, and gets up from the bed. Feeling slightly light headed she sits back down. "Yeah, maybe you should go."

Peeta stops with his leg just long enough to look over at her, "are you okay?"

"Just a little light headed," she waves the air in front of her. "Nothing to worry about. I probably just got up too quickly."

"Are you sure?" he glances to her belly then back to her face. "Baby feel alright?"

"Moving around, so I'd say yes," she shrugs. "I probably just stood up too quickly."

"Well that's not that reassuring," he sighs. "I'm going to call a doctor-" she tries to interrupt. "Just to come and make sure everything is okay. Alright? Humor me, Katniss. Let me be a concerned-" her glare stops him mid-sentence. "Just let me get a doctor, alright?" She nods and he finishes with his leg. "Okay, I'll be back in a little bit, you just lay down." He twists her carefully in the bed and lays her down.

About a half hour later Peeta comes back in followed by one of the doctors from the Capitol. After checking her over and making sure the baby is alright he gives a slight laugh, "no more side sleeping for you."

"What?" ask Peeta and Katniss in unison.

"From what I gather," explains the doctor. "It looks like by sleeping on your back you're putting too much pressure on your vena cava and that is causing blood to not move to your heart as quickly because the baby's weight is too much. So I would suggest sleeping on your side for the remainder of your pregnancy."

"That's easier said than done, doc," says Katniss. "Day after tomorrow, I don't know what's going to happen. I mean, I'll try, but I can't make any guarantees, but I think you understand, right?"

"Katniss," he says. "Regardless of whatever happens to you in that arena, you need to make sure that that baby is your first priority. Peeta can help you, but he can only do so much, and as the woman in this situation, most of that responsibility falls on you. I know you care about your child, even if it's hard to admit in light of everything, but I trust that you'll do that right thing."

"So she's fine, more or less?" Peeta interjects.

"Yes," nods the doctor. "She's fine. Did you guys want to know what gender the baby is? I was able to ascertain that information during my examination."

Katniss replies with a "no" at the same time that Peeta replies with a "yes."

"I don't know how much time I have left doc," Peeta nods towards the door. "So I'd really like to know."

"You sure you don't want to know anything Katniss?" asks the doctor, one more time.

"I'm positive," she nods emphatically. "I don't want to know."

"Okay," says the doctor as he and Peeta head towards the door. "Oh!" he turns to face her. "Try to not do anything strenuous between today and when the Games begin, because you really need to take it easy, and I know when you're in the arena that'll be damn near impossible, but I want you to try. Nothing crazy today, got it?" She nods and Peeta and the doctor leave Katniss in the room to ponder what she's just been told.

After several minutes in the hallway Peeta walks back into the room, misty from his conversation with the doctor, he asks Katniss again if she wants to know and she reiterates that no, she would not. He concedes to the fact that now she says no, but sometime before they enter that arena he's going to tell her, because whether she wants to know it or not, there was something they needed to decide on together. At some point their baby will need a name.

After discovering that they wouldn't need to go over how to conduct an interview - owing to Effie and Haymitch determining that they'd had enough practice - they had a few hours of free time to kill before they'd have to get ready for the interviews themselves. After eating lunch they went and sat down in the lounge.

Peeta sat on the couch putting an arm out to the side on the back so that she could sit against it. Sitting down she curled up beside him legs tucked in beside her and hand over her stomach. For a while no one said anything, then with a slight shiver from Katniss, Peeta grabbed a blanket and draped it over them.

Eventually a Capitol attendant walks into the room asking if they'd like anything to drink. Katniss asks for some milk, the man nods and leaves the room. "Why did he look so sad?" Katniss turning her neck to look at him.

"They feel sorry for us," answers Peeta. "For all of us. No one is happy about this Quell Katniss. Everyone in the Districts that thought their loved one was safe forever, has had to rethink things, and people in the Capitol grow attached to their victors so they're not happy about this either. Our fans possibly the least of all. We've the most to lose. We who have enjoyed so few of the rewards we were given, who have had so little time to be victors, who were never really free to begin with. They own us-"

"But we don't have to let ourselves be pieces in their Games," says Katniss.

"I wish that were true," Peeta sighs. "But I think now more than ever, not wanting the Games to change us, is going to be infinitely harder than it was before. Because they took our comfort of winning away. Whoever wins this one...they're going to be hated before they're going to be loved. It's not really that desirable of a victory."

The attendant walks back into the room with two glasses of milk, "I brought an extra cup."

"Thanks."

"And I added a touch of honey to the milk. For sweetness. And just a pinch of spice," he adds. He looks like he wants to say more, then gives his head a slight shake and backs out of the room.

"They feel bad for us Katniss," Peeta says stroking her shoulder.

"Well they should mind their own business," snaps Katniss. "You know, it's really too bad that we can't go anywhere, not that I'd know the first thing about where we should go...but I just feel so cooped up in here."

"Well who said we can't?" smiles Peeta and jumps to his feet. Extending his hand she stands up. "We good?" He watches her until she gives him a thumbs up. "Alright, follow me!" Pulling her behind him - stopping just long enough to order food - and goes straight for the roof. "Remember this from last year?" Laughing they make it up to the roof.

"Yeah," nods Katniss. "I was still trying to decide how I felt about you."

"You mean you've figured it out finally?" he teased. Katniss gives him a light smack across the arm.

"I suppose you'd decided by then to save me, hadn't you?" she asks, but instead of answering, Peeta grabs a blanket from a box and lays it out before them and then helps her sit down before joining her himself. Once he's sat down she places a pillow in his lap and lays on her side. "Was I even worth saving? I mean look what's happened to you because of what I did." She gestures to his leg.

"Oh stop it," he shakes his head and begins to stroke her head. "I'm used to it now. You saved my life, my leg wasn't that important. With the technology the Capitol has, I was told that I could have a fully functioning attachment in two years. Apparently they're that close, or so the doctor was telling me."

"Peeta," says Katniss slowly. "Why did you want to know the gender?"

"Why don't you?" he asks back.

"Because it's another reminder…"

"Of what?"

"Of what I have to lose...should anything go wrong in the arena…" she sighs heavily and holds her belly protectively. "What if I can't save them? What if something happens in there and it's my fault? What is something happens to them? What is to become of me? How could I possibly leave an arena if something were to happen?" She begins speaking faster and faster and then shoots straight up, nearly knocking Peeta in the mouth with her head, "If they died...I could never live with myself!" She's screaming now, "It would be all my fault!"

"Katniss…" Peeta drawls, rubbing her shoulders and pulling her into his arms. "It'll all be okay. I won't let anything happen."

"You can't promise that," she says bitterly.

"No…" he admits. "I can't. But I _can_ promise you, that I will do absolutely everything in my power to make sure that you and our baby get out of that arena. Under no circumstances will I not defend you. For no reason will I leave your side. I will be there for you through the whole thing. You won't need to worry about anything but the two of you. That is what I promise you. And if need be," he speaks with resolve. "I will die for you...both. You're my family, and I love you. If it comes down to the wire, I won't have to think twice. When it comes down to a final moment, whatever it may be, I will not fail you."

Katniss begins to cry profusely until she falls asleep. An hour or so later she wakes up to see Peeta looking down at her with tears in his eyes. "Peeta," she reaches up to wipe them away, "what's wrong? Are you okay?"

He smiles faintly, "I was just watching you sleep. It's quite relaxing."

"You don't know the half of it," she laughs dryly. "You are the most peaceful sleeper I have ever seen. There's no harshness in your face, no anger, no anything but the look of absolute innocence. Since Rue, I've never seen anyone sleep so soundly." She stops as if weighing the options of asking or not asking, "how come I don't know when you have any nightmares?"

"I guess I don't thrash around or anything," he shrugs. "I just come to paralyzed with fright. My nightmares are mostly about you anyways."

"How so?"

"I've seen you die, so many ways and so many times, I've lost count." He pulls her hand into the air and gives it a gentle kiss. "It's okay though. When I wake up and you're here. That's why I like to watch you sleep. Because I can see you. You're here. I can touch you, if I need to, because you're right here. And when they're so bad I start to think they're real, I'm relieved, because you're here."

"That's really sweet," Katniss says as she begins to cry. "God! I hate hormones!" Then she pouts, "I want cheese buns…"

"I can do that!" Peeta nearly shouts. "You relax here and-"

The door to the roof opens and Cinna steps out. "I'm sorry you two…"

"Time to be remade?" Katniss grumbles.

"Yes," Cinna shakes his head, "heaven forbid you look good on television."

"I'd be happy in my underclothes!" she blurts out.

"Well we all know that's not true," says Cinna plainly.

"Fine, so maybe it's not," she excuses. "But I hate being paraded around."

"I'm sure we all do," remarks Peeta getting to his feet and pulling Katniss up behind him. "See you at the interviews?" Katniss nods and Peeta leaves giving her a gentle kiss on the lips.

When Katniss sees her dress, appalled is not a strong enough word for what she feels. "That was the dress for my shower!" she shouts and Cinna pats her on the shoulder. "Why am I wearing that? That's so cruel!" tears begin to stream down her face.

"This wasn't my choice," he says, his voice drenched in pity. "Snow insisted."

"Of course it's Snow's fault," mutters Katniss. Looking down at her floral print dress, with a mixture of pink and blue flowers, arranged in the most beautiful collection of fake flowers she had ever seen in her life. "Why does that even surprise me?!" she exclaims, collapsing into a chair.

"You know I'd never-" Cinna begins.

"Oh, no, of course I don't blame you," she sighs heavily. "It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. You're just as much a participant as I am, and neither of us is thrilled to be here."

"It's my job," he says. "But just because it's my job, it doesn't mean I approve of his methods. And I am sorry Katniss that this is your fate. The odds have certainly never been in your favor. And I wish I could help change that. But I know I can't. And I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry that no matter what happens in that arena...the odds will never be in your favor."

"It's really all a big joke, isn't it?" bitterness seeping from her every word. "The Games. The tributes. The victors. The mentors. And tributes again. You could say the odds were never in their favor either."

"Yes," he agrees. "But it's not their odds I'm concerned about."

"Thank you," she says gently placing her hand on his. "For everything."

"It's what I'm here for," he nods. "And that's not my job." Looking at the clock he hurries the last of her jewelry in place. "Be ready to dazzle them all. Make them feel bad for you if you have to."

"Every one of them is angry, Katniss," says Haymitch as he waltzes through the door. "They are all going to try to say whatever they can to stop this Games. I _suggest_ you do the same. You've already got a good sympathy vote, so we just need you to tug a bit on the heartstrings...think you can do that?"

She nods but then shakes her head.

"Eh," he tips his head to the side, "at least try something." He turns and gestures to the door. "Now if you wouldn't mind...we have somewhere else we need to be." As they walk through the main area Katniss scours every possible inch she passes for Peeta. "Oh, the boy is meeting us there. So no need to worry, you'll see him soon enough anyways."

"Am I twirling today?" Katniss asks as they walk through the door.

"Oh, that reminds me," Cinna reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny button.

"No," he shakes his head. "Think Peeta would have it out for me if I made to spin around. So no, no twirling. But when you're ready, press this button and your dress will do it's own thing, without any work from you...then maybe Peeta won't kill me." He laughs and they continue their journey to the studio.

Upon her arrival, Peeta comes over to meet her. "Sorry, they thought we should come separately for some reason."

Katniss shakes her head, "yeah I gathered that much when Haymitch said we'd be meeting you here."

"No need to be snappy with me, Katniss," he rubs her shoulder. "We're here now, so it'll be okay."

"Has anyone gone yet?"

"Just the Career districts," he shrugs, "meaning 1 thru 4."

"Did they try to stop the Games? What did they say?"

"Well, the brother and sister from One talked about how the Capitol has become their family," he rolls his eyes. "Or something sappy like that. The two from Two didn't seem to care much, I think they must have liked murder. The girl from Three - Wiress - didn't really say much of anything. And the guy from Three talked about how the Quell was written by men and could therefore be unwritten by men. Four, Mags was so quiet I couldn't really figure out what she was saying, and Finnick recited something to 'my love.'"

"Really?" she asks indignant. "Everyone in the Capitol must be thinking he's talking to them on an individual level. I guess that works for the sympathy card. He must have had people fainting because he's just too beautiful and precious for this world."

"Not that I know of," he hesitates. "But I also can't really see the audience from here."

"True," she nods. "Ouch!" then she rubs her stomach. "Calm down in there."

"You alright?" Peeta questions frantically.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she waves him away with her hand. "I'm fine, just a kick to the ribs isn't an enjoyable feeling."

"Well I wouldn't know," he throws his hands into the air.

"Whoa!" Peeta enunciates looking at the monitor.

"What?" she looks frantically to the same area.

"Johanna is letting them have it…"

"Well, you know what," her voice raising, "Well fuck that! And fuck anybody that had anything to do with it!"

"Um…" Peeta says for lack of anything else to say.

"Well I think her point is coming across pretty well," says Katniss sardonically.

One by one the rest of the tributes go up to Caesar, say their peace about the Games and play on the hearts of the Capitol citizens hoping that something will cause some sort of uproar and get the Games cancelled, but so far nothing's happening, nothing's making any difference at all. These victors so deeply loved by the Capitol, have said nothing to bring a rise out of anyone. And now it was Katniss' turn to talk, and she had absolutely no idea what to say.

"What's with the baby colored dress?" snaps Johanna.

"Snow made me wear it," she says plainly.

Johanna takes several steps towards Katniss, makes eye contact and says with absolute resolve, "Make him pay for it." Katniss nods, she didn't know how she was going to accomplish that but she guessed she could at least try. Walking on stage to the shouts and chants of her name, Katniss is overwhelmed.

"My, my, my," exclaims Caesar Flickerman as Katniss takes her place beside him. "Now, Katniss. This has been a very emotional time for all of us. You must be feeling some of that too, especially you."

"Well, it has been interesting," she says.

"Yes, yes, very true," he places his hand on the small of her back. "Now I think we're all disappointed, mm, more than a little disappointed with how unfortunate your circumstances really are. I mean you're pregnant, that must be something very hard to come to terms with with the way that things are for you, right now."

"It has taken some adjusting to be sure," her voice cracking.

"And now, Katniss, this dress," he strokes the sleeve. "This _must_ have been for your baby shower, never to be."

"Yes, this is the dress."

"Must be a bit bittersweet to be wearing it now, I imagine," he tries to sound sympathetic.

"More bitter than sweet, I suppose."

"Are you going to be twirling this year? Or does Peeta have some sort of say in that?"

"I'm not twirling," she raises the hand where the button is tightly clenched. "But I do have something."

"Oooh," squeals Caesar. "Intriguing! Wouldn't we like to see folks?"

The answer is thunderous applause, and with determination Katniss presses the button having absolutely no idea what was going to happen, but trusting that Cinna would never do anything to hurt her. As she glances at the bottom of the dress it starts to turn into fire and it travels up to the top of the dress burning away the bright blue and pink. Just when she's afraid that this is it, she's going to be left standing naked on the stage, a bit of fabric falls from the shoulders encasing her from neck to feet in a dark blue dress made out of what seemed to be feathers. Almost instinctively she raises her arms to the side.

"Oh oh oh oh," Caesar says jumping with excitement, "it's like a - it's like - it's like a bird," and he flaps his hands to his sides.

"Just like a mockingjay," she says slowly, realizing just how much Cinna has put himself at risk.

"Well your stylist has _certainly_ outdone himself this year!" he searches the stylists box till he finds him, "Cinna! Take a bow!" Cinna stands and bows accordingly as the audience continues to scream in approval. Turning back to Katniss Caesar asks her to take her seat and then introduces Peeta.

"Hello Caesar!" he says cheerfully. And they begin their usual banter, to great reaction and enjoyment of the audience. "Now Peeta," he looks somber. "What we all really want to know is, have you named the baby?" Peeta looks briefly stunned before recovering to answer that, no they had not. "Well do you at least know the gender?"

"Well I do," he says. "But Katniss didn't want to know."

"Oh come now, Peeta," he chides. "We want to know. Won't you tell us?"

"You think you can keep a secret?"

"Oh of course we can keep a secret," smiles Caesar leaning in to Peeta.

"No, I can't say," he pauses as if struggling to find the words. "It's just…" he shifts uneasily. "It's just." Tears fill his eyes. "It's not just...there's two of them." The crowd erupts in angry screams and protests and so Caesar encourages him to take a seat. Once again Peeta has blown anything that anyone says clear out of the water.

Getting up to Katniss' side, he hugs her, and then stands at her side holding her hand. Then in the greatest show of rebellion since the Dark Days the victors join hands in one unbroken link. To show their disapproval. To show their anger. To show that even though they are being forced to do this, in one moment, they stand together on one point. They stand together on their detest of the Capitol. They are solid. Together. Deadly.

They are victors and they're not to be messed with.

Lights

go

out.

But the shouts don't stop in the darkness. Anger lights it's own fuse and even the dark can't diminish it.


	8. Chapter 8

Back in the Tribute Center.

Katniss stares at Peeta for a long time without saying a word when finally, "Twins?"

He laughs guiltily, "yeah, sorry. Once I got started, I didn't know how to stop."

"I mean it's a good idea," she admits. "But maybe a little heads up next time."

"Alright."

"Promise?" she squeezes his arm tightly.

"I promise," the look in her eyes is so intense that he gently places one hand over the hand squeezing his arm and the other he places around her shoulders protectively. Then the door opens and Haymitch and Effie waltz in, Haymitch speaks immediately.

"That twins bomb was a stroke of genius," he stops and shrugs. "Unfortunately, the Games are still on."

"We knew they would be," says Katniss bitterly.

Effie steps forward, tears misty in her eyes, and hands a box to Haymitch and then one to Peeta. "Presents," she tries to sound enthusiastic, but it doesn't take a psychologist to see just how sad she is. "For the boys."

"What is this?" Haymitch stares down at the solid gold bracelet.

"It's your token," Effie's voice cracks. "Hair for me, pin for Katniss, and Peeta the medallion we talked about. To show them we are a team. And they can't just-" the tears are now flowing freely from her eyes but she manages to get out one last thing, "You both. You both deserved so much better." Then she breaks into near sobs, hugs Katniss, "I'm so proud of my victors," then hugs Peeta, "so proud," gasping for air, "I am truly sorry," then she turns and hurries from the room.

"Any last advice?" Katniss ponders aloud.

"Yeah," says Haymitch dryly. "Stay alive."

"Thank you Haymitch," Peeta steps forward and embraces him. "For everything."

Once Peeta steps back, Katniss steps forward and throws her arms around Haymitch. "Thank you. For everything."

"Katniss," Haymitch pulls back from her. "In the arena. Just remember who the real enemy is." Katniss nods, not entirely certain what he means by that, but in no hurry to disagree with him this close to the Games. Haymitch gives them a final nod and then departs.

"Peeta," mumbles Katniss. "Effie."

"I know," he wraps her in his arms. "That was hard for me too." For a while they just stand there holding each other, until the baby gives a solid kick at Peeta's stomach and it knocks the wind out of him. "Ahem, well. Maybe we should lay down?" Katniss nods and they head over to the bed. Peeta pulls the covers back and Katniss slips in right in front of him. Her back to his front. He pulls her back towards him and places his arm protectively over her. Katniss burrows her head in the crook of his neck and places her hand over top of his. "I don't know how long I'll be able to protect you, so I'm going to do it right now, for as long as I can."

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep," she mutters.

"You should at the very least, try to sleep," he encourages. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be right here beside you. You don't have to go through this alone, in fact, I won't let you."

"That's really sweet," she reaches her free hand up to his face and places it gently beside him. "Unrealistic, but sweet." Soon enough she falls asleep, but doesn't stay asleep long because a nightmare wakes her up, and she wakes to find Peeta gone. Screaming at the top of her lungs, "Peeta! Peeta! Peeta where did you go?!"

Out of breath he rushes back into the room. "What!?"

"You were gone...you…" she's whimpering now. "You left...you weren't here...I woke up and you were gone." He rushes over and climbs back into bed with her. She yanks him to her and throws her arms around his neck. "Don't do that again. You can't do that again. Don't do that again!"

"Okay," Peeta says softly. "Shhh, you're okay. I'm right here. You're safe."

"A fat lot of good that'll do us tomorrow," she starts to rub her belly, protectively. "My center of gravity is completely messed up. I can't focus. All I can competently do is shoot an arrow, but who knows what we're going to be faced with in the arena. We don't even know what kind of arena it's going to be! We know nothing." Then the tears come. "I can't protect you. It's unrealistic to think you can completely protect me. I don't know how we're going to make it out of there Peeta, I doubt it's even possible."

"Shhh," he strokes her hair. "It's going to be okay, I can't tell you how because I don't know, but it will be okay. I don't know when, but it's going to be okay. I'm right here so you're not alone, you'll never be alone, I'll always be right here."

"You can't even promise that," she mopes.

"Even if it's not true," he sighs, "let me lie to myself for a while."

"Okay," she says. Within an hour they both manage to fall asleep and sleep peacefully, wrapped up together. They're awoken by a knock on the door, and Katniss' prep team enters. "See you later?" she asks as he sits up.

"See you later," he gives her a kiss and then departs.

After much crying and leaving the room from her prep team, Cinna finally shows up and shoos Venia away who is on the brink of a flood gate as well. "You better not start crying either. I've had about as much of that already as I can stand."

"I won't cry, Katniss," he assures her. "But even if I'm not crying it doesn't mean that I'm not sad about what's going to happen today. I don't like it, but you are going to have to be willing to let something happen to him if you have any hopes of making it out of that arena alive."

"I don't want to know what my life would be like without Peeta, Cinna," she chokes. "I don't ever want to see, or know, or feel it, _let alone_ imagine it. That's not something I can do, it's not something that I'll allow myself to do. I can't. I just can't do that. It's not healthy."

"Alright, Katniss," he nods. "I'll drop it." The rest of the preparation and dressing is quiet, she would be changing into what she would be wearing in the arena soon enough, so what she wore there, didn't matter much to her at all. The hovercraft ride is silent, except for when a Capitol official comes to place the tracker in Katniss' arm, otherwise the ride remains quiet as a tomb.

When Cinna and Katniss finally make it to the tube that will take her into the arena, Katniss changes and once they've managed to get the skin tight outfit over her stomach, she turns to him, "I just wanted to say that the dress, the one for my shower, was one of the most beautiful-"

"No," he says flatly. "We're not doing this Katniss. You are not talking like that now. You have to prepare yourself for whatever is going to happen out there, and since we don't know what that is, it's best that you don't start to have the 'I'm going to die out there' speech with me. Save it for when you're actually dying, then I'll hear whatever you have to say."

Katniss nods. "Well thank you anyway."

"You're welcome," he smiles.

The glass in the tube opens and that's Katniss' cue to enter. As soon as she does and it slides shut Peacekeepers rush in the room and beat Cinna bloody. He's still bleeding when they haul him from the room and she begins to ascend into the arena, in a fit of sobs, she's blinded by the sunlight as she reaches the top. Steadying herself - just barely - she manages to not fall off of the base. The arena is tropical, and the tributes are all standing on silver plates all around the circular arena. The typical Cornucopia is in the center and from what she can see, all of it is weapons. Then noticing that she doesn't notice something she begins to frantically search her field of vision.

"Peeta?" looks to her left, nothing. "Peeta?" looks to her right, nothing.

Peeta is on the other side of the Cornucopia. An unanticipated amount of horror strikes her as she realizes that she will have to swim to the Cornucopia if she has any hopes of taking that bow. Surely someone else will take it if she doesn't reach it first. Knowing she's swam hardly at all since she got pregnant the idea of actually swimming as far a distance as she will be required, and hoisting herself onto the platform, is so daunting that she has to steady her breath. Just in time, too.

 _Ten_

 _Nine_

 _Eight_

 _Seven_

 _Six_

 _Five_

 _Four_

 _Three_

 _Two_

 _One_

And she dives in the water. Not as comfortable as usual, but a good kick to her ribs at least assures her that not only is the baby fine, but angry...not that she blamed it. The water was too cold to her too. To her left, Brutus is plunging into the water and because he's not several months pregnant, he moves faster. Scared for the first time since she entered the arena, and more protective of her yet developing child, Katniss swims faster than she believes is possible. She excuses it on adrenaline.

Surprisingly she makes it to the Cornucopia before Brutus, yanks the quiver of arrows up around herself, and seeing another quiver quickly dons them as well. She's just picked up the bow and turned when she sees Finnick Odair. His arm raised up defensively and Haymitch's bracelet on his wrist. "Good thing we're allies, right?"

"Where did you get that?" she hisses.

"Where do you think?" he asks rhetorically. "Duck."

She doesn't know why she does it, but she does, and then the cannon goes off. Finnick has just saved her life.

"Don't trust 1 and 2," he explains. "You hold them off. I'll go look for Peeta." And he goes around the Cornucopia and out of sight. Katniss, not sure she can trust him is forced to defend herself from the attacking victors. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Finnick comes back around. "He's over here! Mags found him." And she rushes behind Finnick around the Cornucopia, tripping once, Finnick grabs her arm and helps her forward. As they make it around the Cornucopia to see Peeta still stranded on his disk in the middle of the water. Katniss is just about to jump in when Finnick extends his arm in front of her. "I'll get him. You stay here. Cover me."

Finnick dives into the water like a professional, flawlessly entering through the surface of the water, and after getting Peeta down, hauls him over to the side and pushes him up onto the spoke. Katniss flings her arms around him and holds tightly to his neck.

"Um, Katniss," he lightly hugs her back and then pokes her shoulder. "Arena. Out in the open. Pregnant. We need to move!"

"Oh, right!" she gets ahold of herself, lets go of Peeta and takes off in the direction of the jungle. After falling several times they make it a far enough distance that they can stop for a few moments. On deciding the best way to move through the jungle it's agreed that Peeta will be at the front to cut through the terrain, Finnick will carry Mags, and Katniss will watch their backs, and her front.

"We need to know more about this arena," states Finnick.

"We should make camp," says Peeta forcefully, "is what we should do."

Katniss and Finnick stare intently at one another for long enough that Peeta gets uncomfortable and protective. He steps in between the two of them. "So how many are dead?"

"Hard to say," she starts. "At least six, I think. And they're still fighting."

"Let's keep moving a little longer," says Finnick picking Mags back up. "We still need to find water, because some of us," he raises his eyebrows at Katniss, "need it for more than just themselves. Especially with how much energy you're going to be exerting in here just by walking around." It's only now that Finnick mentions it that Katniss begins to realize just how thirsty she actually is.

"He's right," she agrees. "We need to find fresh water."

As they continue to walk, in hopes of finding a water supply, Katniss just catches the glint of something in the jungle ahead of them. As soon as the realization hits her she screams, "Peeta, no!" But it's too late, Peeta has just taken a slice at the force field and been hurled back into the air, knocking both Finnick and Mags down in the process. Katniss, who was also knocked over, frantically crawls forward to Peeta "Peeta?" she lowers her ear to his chest where his heart should be beating and hears nothing. Silence. "Peeta!" Katniss screams shaking him and slapping him, "Peeta!"

Finnick sets Mags up against a tree and comes over to them, "Let me." In the horror of seeing him die Katniss automatically assumes that Finnick is going to kill Peeta when he starts to do something that she had only seen a handful of times. Something her mother might do on occasion, but it didn't always work. Though Finnick seemed to know what to do. After what felt like forever, Peeta gives a slight cough, and Katniss shoves Finnick aside.

"Peeta," Katniss sobs over top of him.

"Careful, there's a force field ahead," he jokes weakly.

Katniss laughs but immediately starts crying harder, "You were dead! Your heart stopped!" She slaps her hands over her mouth and sits back on her feet and cries harder and starts to inhale sharply, making choking noises, everything that happens when she sobs.

"I'm all right, though." He says reassuringly. "It's working now." The sobs don't stop. "It's all right, Katniss." She nods but the crying continues. "Katniss?" Peeta stares at her in concern.

"It's okay," says Finnick. "It's just the hormones from the baby."

"No it's not-" she can't finish, and an even more hysterical type of crying overtakes her.

Finnick gives a cautionary glance from Peeta to Katniss, and back again. "How are you?" he asks Peeta. "Do you think you can move on?"

"No, he has to rest," Katniss says as she sniffles through the tears. Mags grabs some nearby moss and Katniss blows her nose until it's red. Wiping the tears from her eyes she takes a deep breath in an effort to calm herself.

"You want us to make camp here, then?" Finnick asks.

"I don't think that's an option," Peeta answers. "Staying here. With no water. No protection. I feel all right, really. If we could just go slowly."

"Slowly would be better than not at all." Finnick helps Peeta get to his feet. Katniss squeezes the last bits of tears from her eyes and takes a few deep breaths before attempting to stand again. With what she'd gone through so far, seeing Cinna beaten to a pulp, landed in another arena, and seeing Peeta die. It proves more difficult than she anticipated to get to her feet. Finnick helps her when she teeters to the side.

"I'll take the lead," Katniss says.

"Katniss I don't think-" Peeta starts before being interrupted.

"No, let her do it," he nods forward. "You knew about the force field just before he hit it. Might be good to have you in the front."

"I don't fully agree with that," says Peeta through gritted teeth. "She's not steady enough."

"Well, neither are you," Finnick shakes his head, "But if she can prevent anyone else from dying for lack of - if we can prevent any other deaths, I think that would be better than whatever we've got going on right now. It's fine. Let Katniss lead." Peeta begins to object again when Finnick cuts him off, "If she needs to rest then we'll rest, otherwise we need to get moving. We need water and we're clearly not going to get any from here. So, let's go."

The decision is made and the group starts moving again, but because the pace is so slow Mags opts to walk as well. Finnick being the resourceful person that he is, fashion a cane for Mags and a staff for Peeta to help with their walking, because despite his strong exterior, it's obvious that the only thing Peeta wants to do is lie down and go to sleep.

After walking around a while longer, with no water in sight, Katniss convinces them to let her go hunt something. Peeta is absolutely against it, but he also knows they need food, and he's too loud to go with her. Eventually she comes back with a creature of some sort that she found, it goes down all right, but eating has made them even more thirsty than they already were.

And that's when a silver parachute comes into view.

"What is that?" Finnick asks jumping forward towards it.

"I don't know," Katniss shakes her head and comes to stand beside him.

Finnick picks it up and opens the parachute, "what is that?"

"I don't know," Katniss glances at Peeta who doesn't know either.

"Not very helpful, are we?" Finnick jests.

"I don't know," she glares at Finnick. "Do you know what that thing is?"

"No," he shrugs.

"Well, it's from Haymitch," suggests Peeta. "So it must have some kind of importance."

"And what would that be?" Finnick shifts his weight to his other leg and pulls the cylinder object out of the parachute. "Maybe if we sleep on it, we'll figure it out. I'll take the first watch, you should all get some rest."

"Not a chance," Katniss folds her arms over her chest.

"Well you of all people," he throws his hands up in the air, "should get some sleep. Especially with the lack of water. You need to keep up your energy, which is already reduced from you being pregnant and all."

"No," she insists.

"Fine," grumbles. "Don't trust me. But we'd be safer with our backs protected, _and_ you know that thing I did back there, for Peeta? That was called saving his life. If I wanted to kill either of you, I would have done it by now." Katniss looks guiltily at the ground, another thing she would owe him, and she hated owing people.

Katniss sits down, and sensing how tense she was, Peeta begins to rub her shoulders and back, to try and alleviate some of that tension. "We'll figure it out," he encourages. "I know we'll figure it out, it might take us a while, but we'll get it."

After what felt like forever, and thinking of the woods and the river, and back home…

"It's a spile!" shouts Katniss, temporarily forgetting where she was and clasping her hands over her mouth.

"A what?" asks Finnick.

Reaching forward on the ground to where it lay in frustration she pulls it into her hands, wiping the dirt from it. "It's a spile," she explains, "sort of like a faucet. You put it in a tree and sap comes out. Well, the right sort of tree."

"Sap?" wonders Finnick.

"To make syrup," getting to her feet, haphazardly, "but if we got it, there must be something else in these trees." Everyone else gets to their feet quickly, Finnick swipes the spile from her hand and goes to hammer it into a nearby tree. "Wait!" shouts Katniss involuntarily. "You might damage it. We should drill a hole first."

Once the hole is made and the spile is inserted, the whole group drinks the water that comes gushing from the center of the tree. After the group has had their fill of water, Katniss removes the spile from the tree, de-leaves a bit of vine, and ties the spile to her belt. Finnick offers to take the first watch, and this time Katniss does not object.

Laying on the ground beside Peeta, "I'm just really glad you aren't dead," she mutters to him.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," he sighs. "If I can help it."

"Good," she nods snuggling up beside him to sleep. Not knowing how long she'd been asleep a loud _Bong!_ sound wakes her sending her bolt upright. Both Peeta and Mags sleep through it, but Katniss makes eye contact with Finnick and counts.

"I count twelve," he says.

"Mean anything to you?" she shrugs.

"No idea," he shakes his head.

They sit in wait for something, anything, a message. But nothing happens. Looking around at the sleeping group Katniss slowly gets to her feet. "Get some sleep Finnick."

"You sure you're okay to watch?" he checks.

"I'll be fine," she nods. "Just don't tell Peeta."

He laughs and agrees, laying down to sleep. Katniss sits in wait. Ready to defend this group of allies she never thought she had, but eternally grateful for them now, and Peeta who was sleeping soundly. The events of the day and dying, surely took their toll on him.

Looking into the distance a fog appears, but it's too uniform, too together. There is nothing natural about the way that it looks, and they're in an arena, everything seems to be out to get them, you can never trust anything in an arena, much like the fireballs the past year. Just as she's beginning to consider waking the others, the smell reaches her nose. Reaching her hand out to touch it causes searing pain and blisters form all over her hand.

"Run!" she screams to the group, Finnick jumps up instantly and hauls her off the ground and rounding to grab Mags. Peeta is on his feet and they are running. Peeta and Katniss are quite the pair. One with an artificial leg, one pregnant, not two people who should be running for their lives, yet here they were. Running.


	9. Chapter 9

It turns out to be quite the challenge, running. Katniss and Peeta both more focused on helping the other that they are constantly tripping on things.

"You should not be running!" he bellows at her.

"What am I supposed to do then, Peeta?" Katniss screams at him as they keep running. "I stop and we all die, one family completely gone because of poisonous killing fog! That's no way for any of us to die!"

"Okay!" he yells as he trips over a branch and yanks Katniss to the ground beside him. "Ahh! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she gets to her feet again unsteadily. "Keep moving!"

"I'd appreciate it if you two stopped yelling at each other!" grumbles Finnick loudly from several feet away. "It's not going to help anything, and it's not going to help your breathing or anything, so shut up and run!"

"Fine!" they shout in unison.

As they continue to run, the terrain gets more and more difficult to navigate, eventually Peeta crashes to the ground and Katniss falls to her knees beside him. Tugging and pulling at him to get up, it is only now that she realizes that half of his face has begun to sag, as if the poisonous fog was eating away at the nerves in his face. "Peeta-" she pleads and he doesn't move. Glancing up at the fog rapidly approaching, tears form in her eyes, "Peeta please get up." No movement. Checking briefly to make sure he's still alive, she starts to shake him. "Come on Peeta!"

He reaches up and hauls himself onto his feet, but his running is sporadic, and his leg is twitching, he falls one final time and now Katniss cannot get him to move anything and the pain on her skin so severe that she's not sure what she is capable of. Finnick comes crashing back through the jungle towards them, telling Peeta to get up, and Katniss that they need to keep moving.

"He can't move," Katniss cries. "He needs to be carried, and I obviously can't do that!"

And then so quickly that no one can even grasp what is happening, Mags dismounts Finnick's back, gives him a kiss on the lips and walks straight into the fog. "Mags!" Finnick hollers after her, but it's too late, nothing can be done now. She's gone.

Katniss takes one step in the same direction when the cannon blasts and startles her. "Finnick?" she looks around to discover that he has already continued down the hill towards the Cornucopia with Peeta draped over his shoulder. Fumbling through the jungle behind them she can see as they eventually collapse, neither moving, but because of the way in which she is propelling herself down the hill after them she doesn't have the time to stop before she reaches them and instead turns slightly so that when she trips over them, she lands on her back. No one moves, and just when Katniss is ready to accept defeat, knowing that there's nothing she can do now, the fog is stopped by some invisible barrier.

"It's stopped," she croaks. "It's stopped."

Peeta rolls off Finnick and for several minutes they all lay there, twitching because of the poison, completely unable to move. It's not until some time later, that Peeta points up into the sky at one of the trees and utters, "Mon-hees," that anyone notices their surroundings. Slowly the three crawl down the slope to the water.

Once they've reached the edge of the water, some of it splashes up on Katniss' face, and a feeling of intense pain comes over the area where the water has landed. While the water is painful, there is another sensation as well, as if the salt water surrounding the Cornucopia was drawing out the poison, and while it hurt there was also a sense of relief from the pain.

Katniss strips down to her undergarments to allow her skin to breath and despite how excruciating it is, Katniss forces herself into the water. Peeta does the same. But Finnick remains face down in the sand. Before they go to drag Finnick into the water, since he will not move, Peeta grabs Katniss's wrist, "is she okay?" he inclines his head to her stomach.

"She?" Katniss asks panicked.

Peeta clasps his hands over his mouth.

"It's a girl?" tears well up in her eyes.

Peeta nods guiltily, hands still clasped over his mouth.

Katniss looks down, taps her stomach and receives a kick in exchange, "Ow!" she glares up at Peeta, "yeah _she_ seems fine."

"I'm sorry," he barely pulls his hands from his mouth.

"Come on," she gestures towards Finnick. "This is going to hurt him a lot too, but we're gonna need him."

"Right," Peeta nods, dropping his hands to his side and walking over to Finnick. "I'm sorry Katniss. I know you didn't want to know."

"It's fine," she wipes the tears from her eyes and squats to grab Finnick.

"I've got him," Peeta nods towards the water. "You just get in there deep enough so you can keep his head above the water when I get over there." She nods and retreats back to the water. Peeta hoists Finnick into the air - though not as steadily as before - and places him slowly into the water as he thrashes around in pain. Eventually there's just his head remaining. Peeta convinces him to submerge his head into the water.

"I'm going to tap a tree," says Katniss as she fumbles with the spile.

"Let me make the hole first," says Peeta getting to his feet. "You stay with him. You're the healer." With a smile and a kiss to her forehead he walks back into the jungle. There's a moment of panic from Katniss but it is quickly overcome by Finnick's being submerged under the water for a lengthy period of time. Finally his head pops up.

"Don't do that," Katniss scolds him.

"What? Come up or stay under?"

"Either. Neither. Whatever. Just soak in the water and behave," she says. "Or if you feel this good, let's go help Peeta."

Upon entering the jungle, Katniss and Finnick become acutely aware of the mass of bodies in the air and jungle surrounding them. Not just five or ten of the monkeys they saw before, but scores of them, weighing down limbs of the trees. The previous ones were perhaps just the welcoming party.

"Peeta," Katniss says as calmly as possible. "I need your help with something."

"Okay, just a minute. I think I've just about got it," he says, not taking his focus away from the tree. "Yes, there. Have you got the spile?"

"I do," she says slowly. "Only move toward us quietly so you don't startle it."

As he recognizes the tone in her voice he starts to walk back, "Okay," he says. For a brief second he looks up and the monkey's fly into attack mode and converge on him. Thankfully, he brought his knife with him so that he is able to defend himself, but Finnick and Katniss tear through the remainder of the jungle separating them from him. Katniss stands at the ready and shoots two arrows into two of the monkey's.

"Mutts!" she screams as the gravity of their situation begins to sink in.

Arrow after arrow, swing after swing, kill after kill. For awhile they all work well together and are able to fend off most of the monkeys, but in a split second of bad judgement, Katniss finds herself immersed in the water, still being attacked by a mutt. For the first time she's not worrying about herself, she's not worrying about Peeta...she's worrying about her daughter - her daughter, she'd not allowed herself to think of it until this moment, the thought alone nearly knocks the wind from her lungs - and the mutts scratching claws.

How long the attack lasts she doesn't know, but suddenly the mutt attacking her goes still and slides away from her, Peeta yanks her from the water. "Get. To. The. Beach!" he screams at her. She nods in agreement.

As the trio is retreating to the beach Katniss runs out of arrows. Scared to death she won't be able to defend herself, she remembers she had _two_ quivers of arrows this morning. One she kept for herself and one she, "Peeta!" he turns his head briefly. "Your arrows!" He wretches them from around himself and tosses them to her, and in the split second it takes the arrows to start their movement and have just barely left his grasp, that is when the mutt charges him.

Katniss hurls her knife at the mutt, but he somersaults and misses the weapon aimed at killing him. Katniss now stands defenseless, watching in horror as Peeta is pursued ruthlessly by a mutt. Her first instinct is to rush forward to hurl herself between the two, but she knows she'd never make it in time, so instead she watches in shock as the monkey is descending, and that one of the morphlings from District 6 puts herself between Peeta and the charging mutt and takes the brunt of the attack.

Peeta sinks the knife into the monkey's back, stabbing it over and over again until it releases the morphling from it's clenched jaw. Katniss now having Peeta's arrows, a ready bow, and Finnick at her back. "Come on, then! Come on!" shouts Peeta in rage. But instead of attacking the monkeys retreat back into the jungle. The attack over. As if the Gamemakers have told them that what they've done is enough.

"Get her," Katniss tells him. "We'll cover you."

Peeta gently lifts up the morphling and carries her the last few yards to the beach while Finnick and I keep our weapons at the ready. But except for the orange carcasses on the ground, the monkeys are gone. Peeta lays the morphling on the sand. Katniss cuts away the material over her chest, revealing the four deep puncture wounds. Blood slowly trickles from them, making them look far less deadly than they are. The real damage is inside. By the position of the openings, certainly the beast ruptured something vital, a lung, maybe even her heart.

She lies on the sand, gasping like a fish out of water. Sagging skin, sickly green, her ribs as prominent as a child's dead of starvation. Surely she could afford food, but turned to the morphling just as Haymitch turned to drink. Everything about her speaks of waste — her body, her life, the vacant look in her eyes. There is nothing to do. Nothing but stay with her while she dies.

"I'll watch the trees," Finnick says before walking away.

Peeta crouches down on the other side of her and strokes her hair. When he begins to speak in a soft voice, it seems almost nonsensical. "With my paint box at home, I can make every color imaginable. Pink. As pale as a baby's skin. Or as deep as rhubarb. Green like spring grass. Blue that shimmers like ice on water."

The morphling stares into Peeta's eyes, hanging on to his words.

"One time, I spent three days mixing paint until I found the right shade for sunlight on white fur. You see, I kept thinking it was yellow, but it was much more than that. Layers of all sorts of color. One by one," says Peeta.

The morphling's breathing is slowing into shallow catch-breaths. Her free hand dabbles in the blood on her chest, making the tiny swirling motions she so loved to paint with.

"I haven't figured out a rainbow yet. They come so quickly and leave so soon. I never have enough time to capture them. Just a bit of blue here or purple there. And then they fade away again. Back into the air," says Peeta.

The morphling seems mesmerized by Peeta's words. Entranced. She lifts up a trembling hand and paints what must be a flower on Peeta's cheek.

"Thank you," he whispers. "That looks beautiful."

For a moment, the morphling's face lights up in a grin and she makes a small squeaking sound. Then her blood-dappled hand falls back onto her chest, she gives one last huff of air, and the cannon fires. The grip on my hand releases.

Peeta carries her out into the water. He returns and sits beside Katniss. The morphling floats out toward the Cornucopia for a while, then the hovercraft appears and a four-pronged claw drops, encases her, carries her into the night sky, and she's gone.

Finnick rejoins them, his fist full of arrows still wet with monkey blood. He drops them on the sand beside Katniss. "Thought you might want these."

"Thanks," she says. By the time Katniss returns to the jungle to gather some moss to dry her weapons, all the monkeys' bodies have vanished.

"Where did they go?" she asks.

"We don't know exactly. The vines shifted and they were gone," says Finnick.

A little later Katniss suggests, "Why don't you get some sleep Finnick? I can watch."

"No, Katniss, I'd rather," says Finnick and Katniss doesn't have the heart to deny him his request, especially when his eyes are splotchy and red and he looks like he could start crying at any moment. She'd nearly lost Peeta, and he _did_ lose Mags, she owed him some time alone.

"All right, Finnick, thanks," Katniss says retreating to where Peeta is laying on the beach.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" asks Peeta rubbing her shoulders.

"I hope so," she shrugs. "But I don't know. You nearly died and I couldn't breath, I couldn't think, all I could do was sob and hope that Finnick wasn't killing you. Mags died...you came back. I owe him some time to himself."

"What is with this, you owing people for this thing or that?" Peeta shakes his head and then leans back pulling her carefully down with him. "You don't owe anyone anything. I don't understand why he brought me back, or why the morphling died for me-"

"That's unusual isn't it," she glances up at his face. "Why have other people died for you? Clearly, Finnick could have just let you die, twice. He could have left you on the ground, grabbed Mags and ran away, but he didn't, and Mags died. The morphling threw herself in front of you when that monkey was perfectly poised to kill you. What is going on here Peeta?"

"I don't know," he shakes his head. "But you should get some sleep. And that's not a suggestion."

"Okay," she nods wrapping an arm around him and one protectively around her unborn child. "But wake me if there's trouble."

"I will," he kisses her forehead and she falls asleep.

Waking several hours later, Katniss walks over to where Finnick sits on the beach and takes a seat beside him. Scratching the patchy sores left by the fog, "Don't scratch! You'll bring on infection." Finnick nods to her arms. "Oh." There's a pause before she looks up into the sky. "Hey Haymitch, if you're not too drunk, we could use something for our skin." Then almost as if he'd been waiting for the command, a parachute drops from the sky. Finnick at this point is faster and Katniss doesn't mind not moving. "About time," she mutters.

The two take the thick dark ointment that smelled atrocious, and rub it all over their skin.

"It's like you're decomposing," Finnick jokes at the color the skin becomes.

"Poor Finnick," she laughs. "Is this the first time in your life you haven't looked beautiful?"

"It must be. The sensations new. How have I managed all these years?" he asks.

"Just avoid mirrors. You'll forget about it," she tell him.

"Not if I keep looking at you," he smiles.

"I'm going to wake Peeta," says Katniss using Finnick's shoulder to stand.

"No wait," says Finnick catching her hand. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."

"Okay," he smiles heartily as they get to their feet, go over to Peeta, place themselves on each side of him and incline so that their faces are right over top of his. "Peeta, Peeta wake up," Katniss says in a soft, sing-song voice.

Peeta's eyes flutter open and then he jumps like he's been stabbed, "Ah!"

Finnick and Katniss fall back in the sand, laughing their heads off. Every time they try to stop, they look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets them off again. By the time they pull themselves together, Katniss is thinking that _maybe Finnick Odair is all right. At least not as vain or self-important as I'd thought. Not so bad at all, really._ And just as she's come to this conclusion, a parachute lands next to them with a fresh loaf of bread. Remembering from last year how Haymitch's gifts are often timed to send a message, Katniss makes a note to myself. _Be friends with Finnick. You'll get food._

After eating and light conversation, they all notice as a giant wave creschends from a spoke directly across them. A cannon fires and have just enough time to pick everything up but their hole ridden jumpsuits which no one is very concerned with losing. "Twelve," Katniss remarks on the number of deaths so far. Half the tributes gone. While she tries to mentally gather who is left, three figures emerge from two spokes away. "There," Katniss nods in the direction, and as if some silent agreement has occurred they retreat into the shadow of the jungle and watch. Peeta, placing himself between the newcomers and Katniss.

"Who is that?" Peeta asks. "Or what? Muttations?"

Katniss readies an arrow.

Finnick faces lights up and he starts yelling, "Johanna!" and runs in the direction of the group.

"Finnick!" she shouts back.

"I guess we have more allies," says Peeta as he walks in their direction. Katniss begrudgingly follows him. She didn't want allies, and that hadn't changed, especially if those allies included Johanna Mason. "She's got Wiress and Beetee," Katniss observes aloud.

"Nuts and Volts?" asks Peeta. "I've got to hear how this happened."

Johanna's gesturing toward the jungle and talking very fast to Finnick. "We thought it was rain, you know, because of the lightning, and we were all so thirsty. But when it started coming down, it turned out to be blood. Thick, hot blood. You couldn't see, you couldn't speak without getting a mouthful. We just staggered around, trying to get out of it. That's when Blight hit the force field."

"I'm sorry, Johanna," says Finnick.

"Yeah, well, he wasn't much, but he was from home," she says. "And he left me alone with these two." She nudges Beetee. "He got a knife in the back at the Cornucopia. And her — "

Everyone looks to Wiress as she makes circles in the sand and keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. "Tick, tock. Tick, tock."

"Yeah we know, tick tock," snaps Johanna.

"She's in shock," mutters Beetee.

Wiress heads full on towards Johanna who shoves her into the ground, "Just stay down, will you?"

"Lay off her," Katniss snaps.

"Lay off her?" Johanna walks forward so fast that no one can comprehend what she's going to do until she slaps Katniss hard across the face. "Who do you think got them out of that jungle for you? You-" Finnick hoists her into the air and walks her into the water.

Peeta protectively pulls Katniss back. "What does she mean? Got them out for me?" she asks him.

"I don't know," he shakes his head, just as confused, "you did want them as allies."

"Yeah, I did."

After several more renditions of, "Tick tock" from Wiress, Katniss pulls her down into the water to wash her off. After a while the lightning begins to strike the tree again in the other spoke. Twelve times. The realization hits Katniss.

"Tick tock," she nods. "It's a clock!"

When she realizes that they are far too close to the fog for comfort, she shakes everyone awake, "We need to move."


	10. Chapter 10

"Why do we need to move?" snaps Johanna.

"Tick, tock," starts Katniss before being cut off.

"God! Not you too!" she only just stops short of planting her axe in Katniss' face.

"Nooo," Katniss sighs in agitation. "It's a clock."

"What?" asks Finnick.

"The arena," she gestures around them. "It's a clock."

"Midnight," says Finnick remembering the last time lightning hit the tree.

"It starts at midnight," she nods in assent. The group comes to terms on the truth, and tries to determine where things are in relation to time and placement.

Johanna is so volatile that she finally snaps at Katniss, "I don't care if you are knocked up, I'll rip your throat out." Peeta steps defensively in front of Katniss and puts a cautionary arm out to his side. "So what is it you want to do anyway, with this new fangled information?"

"I'd like to go to the Cornucopia and watch. Just to make sure we're right about the clock," says Finnick. Seeming like a good plan they all make their way to the Cornucopia.

At the Cornucopia Wiress continues to sing the song about the mouse and a clock, making note of what spokes they already have experienced and what they know them to be. "The tail points to twelve o'clock," observes Katniss.

"Right, so this is the top of our clock," states Peeta as he takes a leaf and creates a diagram and visual representation of the arena, to better help them know when to move and how they need to be wary of sleeping and moving and living.

Then suddenly Wiress stops singing.

Katniss doesn't have to think, she spins and finds Gloss dropping Wiress into the water, her throat split open in a bright red smile. Katniss sends and arrow right into Gloss' temple and he falls over. Johanna buries her axe in Cashmere's chest. _Boom! Boom! Boom!_ The group takes off after Brutus and Enobaria but then something happens. They are all knocked to the ground as the Cornucopia starts to spin, faster, faster, faster.

When it finally comes to a lurching halt, Peeta wearily gets to his feet and staggers over to Katniss. "Are you okay?" he pats her back gently. "Do you want to stand up or lay down?" and just as the words escape his mouth she vomits onto the ground in front of her. "Lay down it is!" he exclaims kneeling beside her and stroking her back.

"I'm okay," she mutters. "I'm fine. Just," she waves her arm up around her, "help me sit up." He does and she vomits yet again. Wiping her mouth on his underclothes she quips, "thanks," as tears stream down her face.

"Oh, no!" shouts Johanna. "None of that! No crying! I hate crying!" she walks over to and forcibly yanks Katniss to her feet. "Get up!"

Peeta catches her as she wobbles to the side. "Gee, thanks," he glares at her.

"She's pregnant," shrugs Johanna. "So what?"

"So be _careful_ ," hisses Peeta.

"Oh she's fine," Johanna thumps Katniss on the back. "See? She's good."

Peeta shakes his head and it's only now that Katniss realizes that everyone else is alone now, separated from their District partners, and rushes forward and throws her arms around Peeta's neck and bursts into tears.

Moments later they make a startling revelation, they don't know where they're facing anymore. "So how do we know which spokes are safe now?" asks Finnick. "Is there any real way to tell?"

"Yeah, I'd rather not sit and wait to find out," snaps Johanna. "But I don't want to be out in the open like this anymore either. I say we just head back towards one of the spokes, but we don't do anything or get too close. Just far enough away from here, and not too close to there."

"That may be our only option at this moment," says Beetee.

"Let's just get off the bloody island," grumbles Johanna shoving past Katniss.

Finally deciding on a spoke they all take a seat on the beach, some facing the water, other's facing the jungle. Katniss sits beside Peeta, his arm protectively around her shoulders. "I'm so sorry about this, Katniss."

"Sorry about what?" she looks up into his blue eyes. "What do you have to be sorry about?"

"I'm doing a lousy job at protecting you," he sighs and drops his head. "I died. That's the least helpful thing I've done since we got in her."

"It's not like you _tried_ to die," says Katniss with a eye roll. "I trust that you wouldn't do that to me. Even if you have this insane belief that you need to keep me alive."

"You're going home, Katniss," he tells her resolutely. "There is no other option."

"Peeta," she shakes her head. "You can't promise that. You can't promise anything in the arena, there's nothing that's a fact, nothing assured...no exclusive kind of promise that could without a doubt be kept. There are still other factors here and you can't-" he cuts her off.

"Katniss," he kisses her forehead. "We're not going to talk like that anymore, you hear me?" and his eyes are harsh, so harsh and sincere that the only thing she can do is nod and nuzzle her head into the crook of his arm.

"Well," says Peeta to the group. "It must be monkey hour, and since I don't see any of them, I'm going to go tap a tree."

"No, it's my turn," says Finnick.

"I'll at least watch your back," he gets to his feet and pulls Katniss up after.

"Katniss can do that," says Johanna flatly. "We need you to make another map since the other one washed away." Peeta protests a little before Finnick assures him that he's got Katniss' back as long as she has his and they take off into the jungle together. They find a decent tree and Finnick makes a hole. Just as she's trying to figure out what is going on with the tributes, why all of them seem to be putting Peeta's lives ahead of their own, and nothing is helping, it doesn't make any sense to her. That was her job, so why was everyone else doing it too?

"Katniss, you got the spile?" Finnick asks extending his hand to her, and that's when she hears the scream.

Forgetting herself, where she was, and her condition she takes off running in the direction of the scream. To save and protect the one screaming. The scream of her sister, so unmistakeable. "Prim!" she screams and nearly falls over. Uneasily getting to her feet she calls out again, "Prim!" But that's when she notices where the scream is coming from. Out of breath, and angry, she shoots an arrow right into the jabberjay flying overhead.

Finnick comes crashing into the clearing to find her cleaning the arrow. "Katniss?"

"It's okay. I'm okay, we're okay," she says, though there is no feeling okay to accompany it. "I thought I heard my sister but -" another shriek cuts her off. Not Prim's. Another young woman's. She doesn't recognize it, but the reaction from Finnick is instantaneous. All color vanishes from his face and his pupils dilate in fear. "Finnick, wait!" she reaches for him just as he bolts away from her. "Finnick!"

But before she can stop him he runs to the direction of the scream, "Annie! Annie!" Katniss is able to track him, which is especially good since he is moving so quickly, and most of it is uphill. Once she finally reaches him she is out of breath. Bending forward she apologizes profusely to her unborn child before shooting an arrow up through the jabberjay that has arrested Finnick in a sort of panic.

"It's all right, Finnick. It's just a jabberjay. They're playing a trick on us," she tells him. "It's not real. It's not your . . . Annie."

"No, it's not Annie. But the voice was hers. Jabberjays mimic what they hear. Where did they get the screams, Katniss?" he says.

The realization hits her, "Oh, Finnick, you don't think they . . ."

"Yes, I do. That's exactly what I think," he says.

Then another voice screams. Madge.

"No." Finnick catches her arm before she can run again. "It's not her." He starts to carefully pull her back down towards the beach. "We're getting out of here!" He half carries, half drags her closer and closer to the beach till she is able to function somewhat on her own.

Then in the distance they can see Peeta, Johanna, and Beetee standing still. Katniss goes through a range of emotions, all of which not kind, when she notices Peeta's hands are raised in front of him. It's then that her and Finnick run into the invisible barrier separating her and Finnick from the others. Her shoulder having taken most of the force is tossed back onto the ground. Crawling back to the barrier she places her hand opposite Peeta's and stares into his face. He's speaking but she can't hear him.

Peeta is helpless as he stares at Katniss through the barrier. There's nothing for him to do but stay where he is, and hope that he can help her on the other end, after the hour is over. But watching her from the other side is so hard on him that he starts to slam his other hand against the barrier and shout, "It's not real! They're just mutts! It's not real!" And that's when he sees their approach.

One by one the infernal things land on branch after branch surrounding Katniss and Finnick. Finnick gives up quickly and curls into a ball. The group is forced to watch helplessly for who knows how long as the two on the other side are reduced to curled up balls with their hands over their ears to block out the screams emanating from the birds.

When it finally stops Peeta rushes to her side, the rest of the group behind him. Johanna checking on Finnick. Katniss is in such a tight ball that Peeta doesn't even try to get her to come out of her cocoon just yet, and instead, carries her from the jungle in his arms, back to the safety of the beach. Peeta takes a seat and rocks Katniss back and forth in his arms until slowly starts to relax.

"It's all right, Katniss," he whispers.

"You didn't hear them," she says.

"I heard Prim. Right in the beginning. But it wasn't her," he says. "It was a jabberjay."

"It was her. Somewhere. The jabberjays just recorded it."

Peeta continues to rock her. "No, that's what they want you to think. The same way I wondered if Glimmer's eyes were in that mutt last year. But those weren't Glimmer's eyes. And that wasn't Prim's voice. Or if it was, they took it from an interview or something and distorted the sound. Made it say whatever she was saying."

"No, they were torturing her," her voice so low Peeta feels more helpless than before. "She's probably dead."

"Katniss, Prim isn't dead. How could they kill Prim? We're almost down to the final eight of us. And what happens then?" he asks her softly.

"Seven more of us die," she says hopelessly.

"No, back home." His arms tighten protectively around her. "What happens when they reach the final eight tributes in the Games?" he lifts her chin up so that she is forced to meet his eyes. "What happens? At the final eight?"

"At the final eight?" she repeats. "They interview your family and friends back home."

"That's right," he says. "They interview your family and friends. And can they do that if they've killed them all?"

"No?" she asks, still unsure.

"No. That's how we know Prim's alive. She'll be the first one they interview, won't she?" he says encouragingly. But when it's apparent she's still not completely following, he continues, "First Prim. Then your mother. Your cousin, Gale. Madge. It was a trick, Katniss. A horrible one. But we're the only ones who can be hurt by it. We're the ones in the Games. Not them."

"You really believe that?"

"I really so," he says continuing to rock her.

"Do you believe it, Finnick?" she asks around Peeta.

"It could be true. I don't know. Could they do that Beetee? Take someone's regular voice and make it …"

"Oh, yes. It's not even that difficult, Finnick. Our children learn a similar technique in school," says Beetee.

"Of course Peeta's right," snaps Johanna, annoyed with the lot of them. "The whole country adores Katniss's little sister. If they did anything to her, they'd probably have an uprising on their hands." She throws her head back and yells into the air directly above the group, "How does that sound Snow? What if we - what if we set your backyard on fire? You know you can't put _everybody_ in here!" The group stares at her in disbelief. "I'll get you some water."

Katniss reaches out and stops her hand, "Don't go in there. The birds-"

"I'm not worried. They can't hurt me anymore. I'm not like the rest of you. There' no one left that I love," says Johanna walking straight into the jungle.

Katniss is still too shaken to move and begins to subconsciously rub her belly. Too frightened to move. Too anxious to leave the safety of Peeta's arms. "Who's Annie?" she asks when Johanna reappears.

"Annie Cresta," she huffs. "The girl Mags volunteered for. She won about four - five years ago."

"I don't remember those Games much," says Katniss.

"It was the one with the earthquake," says Peeta. "A dam broke and flooded most of the arena. She survived because she was the best swimmer. But she lost it when she saw her district partner beheaded."

"Did she ever recover?" Katniss asks.

"I don't know," shrugs Peeta. "I can't remember seeing her at any Games after that. But she didn't look too stable at the reapings this year."

After a while of silence and Peeta finally getting Katniss to walk around some Johanna says what everyone's been ignoring. "They're really burning through us."

"Who's left? Besides us five and District Two?" asks Finnick.

"Chaff," says Peeta. Then a parachute with rolls comes to them. There are twenty-four, from District Three. After determining how many to eat Katniss and Peeta decide to take the night's first watch after they move to the ten o'clock section.

As the rest of the tributes sleep Peeta and Katniss' backs to each other watch the jungle and the Cornucopia in front of them. Leaning her head back on his shoulder she closes her eyes as she gets a solid kick in the ribs. Peeta begins to caress her hair.

"Katniss," he says softly. "It's no use pretending you don't know what's going on here."

"Why can't we pretend?" she asks. "Why can't we pretend for ten minutes that what you're thinking of saying, doesn't need to be said? Why don't we just pretend for ten minutes that it's not going to come down to you or me getting out of her, Peeta. Let's just pretend for ten minutes that everything is going to be fine."

"Katniss if something were to happen to you," he chokes out and then discovers his voice. "There would be no life for me back in District Twelve. You're my whole life. I would never be happy again. It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but you have people who'd make your life worth living. Your family needs you, Katniss."

"What about you?" she asks, her heart faltering as he answers.

"No one really needs me," he says. No self-pity, he really believes that is true.

"I do," a tear slides down her face. "I need you." And before he can object or say anything else about the matter she turns, pulls his face forward with her hands and kisses him. In a way she hadn't allowed herself to do for months now. It's not that it was solely his fault that she was pregnant, that was a decision they had made together, but she'd withheld so many kisses before this moment, so now that it was here, she hadn't the heart to withhold them anymore.

Peeta tries to pull away, to tell her that she's wrong, that she doesn't need him. That she would be fine without him, but she won't let go of his face, won't let him look away, won't allow him to keep up the argument. For this brief time no one was there to interrupt them, and no one was there to make them feel bad. There was only them, and no one else. The only thing separating them from the truth of the matter was their lips. Of course only one would be able to make it out, and they knew that, but for a time...the eventuality wasn't at the forefront of their minds. All that existed in this moment was them, together.

It's the first crack of lightning that pulls them apart. The lightning startles Finnick awake, "I can't sleep anymore. One of you should rest." And that's when he notices them, how entwined they are to each other. "Or both of you. I can watch alone."

"It's too dangerous," Peeta shakes his head. "I'm not tired. You lie down, Katniss." Peeta gets to his feet and pulls Katniss up after. In one last moment of weakness she pulls his face down to her. "Don't you die," kisses him lightly, but he pulls away and walks her to the canopy Finnick made. "Lay down, Katniss. You need to rest." She lays down in the sand, Peeta leaning down places his hand over where their baby lies tucked away from the cruelness of the world, "You're going to be a great mother, you know." Then he kisses her and walks away.

Peeta takes a seat back beside Finnick.

"I'm sorry, Peeta," says Finnick.

"Sorry about what?" he asks.

"You've been dealt a lousy hand, mate. I'm sorry about that."

"We were doomed from the start," Peeta says flatly. "This is a logical conclusion to the star-crossed lovers from District Twelve."

"No, but Peeta," Finnick shakes his head. "You weren't doomed from the start."

"Finnick," says Peeta slowly, "I'll never see my kid. That's a lot of weight to be carrying around when everywhere you look you start to notice things that you'll never get to experience."

"Well," shrugs Finnick, "you deserved better."

"Unfortunately, you're right." He stops talking and looks to Finnick intently. "I'm going to do everything I can to assure she has a future outside of this arena. No hard feelings?"

"I'd do the same thing," nods Finnick, "were I in your shoes. No hard feelings."


	11. Chapter 11

When Katniss wakes up she's startled to find that everyone else is already awake and watching as another parachute lands. There is, yet again, another twenty-four rolls from District Three. Once again they are divided amongst the group, leaving eight left. In her muddled up mind from the events on the beach the night before, Katniss gets to her feet and extends her hand out to Peeta.

"Come on," she coaxes, "I'll teach you how to swim."

He gets up immediately, taking her hand, and follows her down to the water.

"Look, the pool is down to eight. I think it's time we took off."

Peeta weighs the proposition for a moment before responding, "Tell you what. Let's stick around until Brutus and Enobaria are dead. I think Beetee's trying to put something together some kind of trap for them now. Then, I promise, we'll go."

"All right," she says. "We'll stay until the Careers are dead. But that's the end of it."

"I have a plan," mumbles Beetee as Johanna calls everyone back over. "I have a plan."

"Whose left?" asks Beetee.

"Brutus and Enobaria," says Finnick.

"And Chaff," adds Peeta.

"I doubt they'll attack again since they're outnumbered," says Finnick. "We're safe here on the beach."

"So what do we do now?" asks Johanna. "Hunt them down?"

"Where do the Careers feel safest? The jungle?" Beetee asks the group.

"The jungle's a nightmare," points out Johanna.

"Probably here on the beach," says Peeta.

"Then why are they not here?" Beetee looks at the group.

"Because we are. We claimed it," announces Johanna.

"And if we left, they would come?" says Beetee.

"Or stay hidden in the tree line," adds Finnick.

"Which in just over four hours will be soaked with water from the ten o'clock wave. Then what happens at midnight?" asks Beetee looking at Katniss.

"Lightning strikes that tree," answers Katniss.

"Here's what I propose," says Beetee as he describes his plan to wrap the wire around the lightning tree, with them leaving to the tree early in an effort to draw the Careers back to the beach, and then run the wire down to the water so that anyone in the water or the damp sand will be electrocuted.

"It's better than hunting them down," says Johanna.

"So what can we do to help?" asks Finnick.

"Keep me alive for the next six hours," says Beetee. "That would be extremely helpful."

A little later in the day the group heads out towards the lightning tree, Beetee seems to know what he's doing so the group trusts that whatever this plan is, it's going to work. The group takes a break while Beetee goes to work on the tree and the wire. While sitting down Peeta cracks open an oyster and pulls from it a perfectly round pearl the size of a pea. "You know, if you put enough pressure on coal it turns to pearls," says Peeta earnestly to Finnick.

"No it doesn't," says Finnick dismissively.

Katniss, who gets the reference, begins to laugh. Peeta extends his hand out to Katniss, "For you."

"Thank you," says Katniss taking it from him.

Peeta looks at her with such intensity that no one would be able to put words to it. A mixture of sadness because there is not much time left to be together, because he has every intention of dying for her, and nothing she says can change that. He's resigned to the fact that he'll never see his child, knowing that at least his sacrifice will give her some kind of life outside of the arena, somewhere where they are safe, and warm, and guarded. Even if he can't be there to protect them, they at least deserved the chance to keep living, and if it meant him dying in the process...that was something he was okay with too.

Peeta gets to his feet and pulls Katniss to her own, linking his hand into hers, she places her other hand over the top of his, pulls it up and kisses it gently. Nothing more can be said now. Neither willing to sacrifice the other, both knowing that they will have no life if the other one dies. Mustering courage she didn't know she possessed Katniss looks deeply into Peeta's eyes.

"Peeta," tears begin to fall down her face. "I can't keep this up."

"It's okay," Peeta wipes the tears away with the thumb of his free hand. "We'll be alright."

"But Peeta…" he pulls her forward and stops her lips with a kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck she refuses to let him go, even for an instant, afraid that it might be the last time. The feeling of dread so intense she couldn't explain it away.

"Alright lovebirds," snaps Johanna.

They separate, but their linked hands stay together.

This is when Beetee reveals the rest of the plan. He wants Johanna and Katniss to take the coil down through the jungle, unwinding the wire as we go. They are to lay it across the twelve o'clock beach and drop the metal spool, with whatever is left, deep into the water, making sure it sinks. Then run for the jungle. If they go now, right now, they should make it to safety.

"I want to go with them as a guard," says Peeta immediately.

"You're too slow. Besides I need you on this end," says Beetee. "Katniss can guard. There's no time to debate this. I'm sorry. If the girls want to get out of there alive, they need to move now."

"It's okay," Katniss nods, trying to convince herself more than him, "We'll just drop the coil and come straight back."

"Not into the lightning zone," Beetee reminds her. "Head for the tree in the one-to-two-o'clock sector. If you find you're running out of time, move over one more. Don't even think about going back on the beach, though, until I can assess the damage."

Katniss turns and takes Peeta's face in her hands. "Don't worry. I'll see you at midnight." Then she gives him a kiss and, before he can object any further, let's go and turns to Johanna. "Ready?"

"Why not?" says Johanna with a shrug. "You guard. I'll unwind. And we can switch later." Katniss nods in agreement and they make their way down the slope back to the beach. "Better hurry. I want to put as much distance between me and that tree as possible. Frying is not how I want to go."

After several minutes, "I'll take the coil for a while," Katniss says.

"Here," Johanna says passing the coil over to Katniss.

Both of their hands are still on the metal cylinder when there's a slight vibration. Suddenly the thin golden wire from above springs down at them, bunching in tangled loops and curls around their wrists. Then the severed end snakes up to their feet. It only takes a second to register this rapid turn of events. The two look at each other, but neither of them has to say it. Someone not far above them has cut the wire. And will be on them at any moment.

Katniss has just grasped the feathers of an arrow when Johanna knocks her to the ground with the metal cylinder. Johanna pins Katniss down, sitting on her chest, making it hard for her to breathe, jabs her knife into Katniss' arm, digs out the tracker and she wipes down half of Katniss face and arms with blood. "Stay down!" she hisses and then runs away.

Footsteps are approaching, and it's Brutus who speaks, "She's good as dead! Come on, Enobaria!" and the feet disappear into the night.

While trying to regain control of her surroundings Katniss rolls onto her side. "We're okay," she pats her stomach. "I think." It's only now that she sees how profusely she is losing blood in her arm. The alliance is over. And that's when it hits her, if the alliance is over, what about Peeta? She thrusts herself up from the ground as quickly as she can manage and starts to make her way slowly back towards the tree, but she started moving too quickly and just has time to clutch a tree before she vomits up the meal from earlier. "We're okay. He's okay." She shakes her head. "He _has_ to be okay." Going from tree to tree she grabs some moss and wraps it tightly around her arm. "He has to be okay."

The trek back up the hill is proves more difficult that she imagined it could be. Hearing more footsteps Katniss ducks behind a tree, nearly collapsing. "Johanna! Katniss!" hollers Finnick. But Katniss does not move, unsure of who she can trust, then he disappears in the same direction as Johanna and the Careers.

 _BOOM!_

Katniss stops up short at the sound. Someone has died. In the terror of the moment Katniss forces herself into a run, but being nearly seven months pregnant doesn't help matters much and running becomes a challenge, so much so that she has to slow down to a brisk walk. Always moving, never stopping, having to get to Peeta.

Finally making it to the lightning tree Katniss has lost so much blood that focusing on anything is becoming a challenge. Seeing no one at the tree causes a panic in her as she screams into the surrounding area, "Peeta!" There's no answer. "Peeta!" she screams again. Still no response. A moan answers her and it's Beetee on the ground. He's got the wire coiled around the knife Peeta was carrying earlier, looking as if he had hit it against the outside of the arena, Katniss takes in everything that she's seeing. Beetee is nearly unconscious, Finnick and Peeta are nowhere to be seen.

"Katniss!" comes Peeta's voice from far off. Terror in his voice that something has happened to her, and he is defenseless to help. "Katniss!" he yells again, but he's so far away from the lightning tree now that it would take him a while to get back, but if she at least knew he was alright…

"Peeta!" she screams back. "Peeta! I'm here Peeta!" He starts to run, but even as fast as he can go isn't fast enough, not nearly fast enough. "I'm here! I'm here!" She keeps shouting and he keeps running. "Peeta!" and just as he's nearing her someone crashes through the jungle beside him. Brutus.

"Uh-uh," says Brutus with an evil grin. "You're not going to see her again. And I'll certainly make sure that your kid never sees the light of day." Then he laughs, "you don't even have a weapon, what exactly do you think you're going to be able to do to me without one?" His smile fades as Peeta takes his stance.

"I protect my family," snarls Peeta. "Katniss is my family. You're not getting anywhere near her."

"I'd like to see you try and stop me," challenges Brutus.

"Bring it on," Peeta throws his arms up at his side and mumbles to himself, "all that wrestling wasn't for nothing."

Brutus charges at Peeta, and blow by blow they are evenly matched, except for Peeta's unsteady leg. But maybe, just maybe they were close enough to the force field and - no, he needed to get to Katniss. With that in mind he felt a surge of the need to protect, and charged at Brutus knocking him to the ground. Peeta jumped on top of him and in one swift movement broke Brutus' neck, and dropping him to the ground, began running back to the tree.

Hearing the section with the lightning tree start to spring to life, Peeta screams, "Katniss!" but she doesn't answer. He continues running, and has just made it into the clearing when he sees her arm her bow - with the wire attached to it - aimed towards the force field and as it makes contact with the force field the arena begins to fall apart, and Katniss and Peeta are both hurled back by the explosion. Knocked out he's never felt so helpless. After all, Katniss was thrown back too. He can't reach her, he can't move, all he can do is lay there and hope she's alright.

That is when he sees the hovercraft coming to grab Katniss, terrified of what that might mean he tries to move, failing miserably. Paralyzed as his dreams become a reality. Paralyzed and helpless. Paralyzed and useless. Paralyzed and terrified. Paralyzed. And as he considers this he blacks out.

"Peeta," chides the cool voice of a snake. He opens his eyes to see none other than President Snow staring down at him. "Welcome back to the Capitol, my young and foolish friend."

"Where is Katniss?" he tries to move but finds that he is tied down to the table. "Where's Katniss? What did you do to her?"

"Relax Peeta," hisses Snow. "As long as you do, everything I ask you do to, then Katniss will be fine."

"What did you do to her?" asks Peeta through gritted teeth.

"Oh," shrugs Snow. "She's fine. She's next door." Peeta's pained expression causes Snow to continue. "Your child is fine. Somehow Miss Everdeen seems relatively unaffected by her actions in the arena." Then he laughs, "but as they were her actions, and choices she made, we're going to do whatever we can to make her regret that decision."

"What are you going to do to her?" Peeta screams.

"Absolutely nothing," a grin slides across the President's face. "It's what we're going to do to you." Peeta's eyes widen in horror. "Don't worry, she'll stay nicely in that cell of hers while we take care of you." With the sickening grin on his face Snow retreats from the room and walks directly over to where Katniss is. "My dear Miss Everdeen…"

"Where's Peeta?" asks Katniss with her hands pounding on the glass separating her from the president.

"Not a concern of yours, my dear," his smile only intensifies as he walks away.

"Peeta!" screams Katniss as loud as she can. "Peeta!"

"Nooo!" the voice is unmistakeable and Katniss is so taken aback by it that she collapses to her knees.

"Peeta…" her hands fly over her mouth to stifle the scream.

"What exactly is screaming going to do?" snaps Johanna from behind her as another scream emanates from Peeta's location. "All the screaming in the world isn't going to change anything if it's not what Snow wants."

"Whose side are you on?" says Katniss as she turns to glare at Johanna.

"Does it really matter?" she shrugs. "I mean, I don't think we're going anywhere any time soon. And clearly the intent, is to keep you and Peeta separated."

"Can they do that?" asks Katniss alarmed.

"If they forced Finnick into prostitution-" Katniss' look of disgust causes her to pause. "If they forced Finnick to do all that, keeping you two in separate cells will be nothing to them, especially if Snow doesn't have to do anything himself and just as people to do everything for him, which I'm guessing is the case, he's so fucking lazy."

"How can you be so blunt?" asks Katniss pulling the robe up around her shoulders. Looking down around her she notices that she is in a pale pink nightgown, some fuzzy slippers, and a nearly florescent pink robe.

"It is what it is, Katniss," she shrugs. "Nothing I say or do now is going to change anything. So there's absolutely no use to me, getting all bent out of shape." She sighs and slides down the wall opposite Katniss, knees up, elbows place on top of them, and her face in her hands. "I don't know what happens next Katniss. The rebellion failed, that's all I know right now."

"What?" Katniss turns haphazardly and falls into the wall beside her. She positions herself sitting against the wall and looks at Johann. "What do you mean by the rebellion failed? What rebellion? What's going on?"

"I don't know much," she shakes her head, "I just know their goal was to get you out of that arena, and they very obviously failed with that, so I'm not exactly sure what happens next. Not that I care. I mean I care, but whatever. You're stuck here with us, and we have no idea what Snow has planned, or even if the rebels have a plan. Right now whatever happens...happens."

"That's not very reassuring," grumbles Katniss.

"Well tough," her head shoots up from her hands, "there's nothing we can do about it now. So it's best to just move past this unfortunate event...to the next. I don't know if they're going to even try to get us out of this hell hole, so the future is very uncertain at the moment."

Just then another scream from Peeta comes from the neighboring room and Katniss begins rocking herself back and forth. Back and forth. Peeta continues screaming for the next - Katniss can't tell how long - and Katniss is curled up in such a ball that Johanna has to come force her to eat.

"It's probably poisoned," says Katniss as they hear Peeta screams again.

"Yeah," she laughs maniacally. "I don't think they'd do that. You're their biggest bargaining chip. If they wanted you dead, well, you'd already be dead. Clearly, they mean to torture Peeta and make you listen to his screams in the process." Then pulling Katniss to her feet she situates her on the bed at the wall opposite. "Obviously I'll take top bunk, but I just want you to know I'm not happy about it."

"And we don't want that, do we?" mocks Katniss

"Don't tempt me brainless," grunts Johanna getting onto the top bunk. "I didn't like your knocked up ass before, don't think any of that has changed just because we're sharing a cell." The bed creaks as she adjusts and just before the snoring starts Johanna says one final thing, "it'll probably be best for you...if you want to sleep, and I know enough about babies to know you need some...try to block out as much of Peeta's screams as possible. It'll get worse, before it gets better, _if_ it gets better."

"Is that supposed to be encouraging?" says Katniss sardonically.

"No, it's reality. For however long Snow decides, or someone comes up with a half-assed attempt to get us out, we're stuck here." She leans down over the bed to look at Katniss. "Whatever you do, keep in mind you are still pregnant, and that baby is still important, so don't do anything stupid. I don't care, but I know Peeta would." Then she rolls back onto her back. "Don't do anything brainless, brainless."

Johanna is out like a light, but just as Katniss is about to fall asleep, she can hear Peeta muttering her name. So much weaker than he did the day before, so much less hopeful, so much less Peeta. She inches out of the bed till she knows Johanna won't be waking up and then scoots across the floor as quickly and quietly as possible before stopping in the corner between the wall and the door of the cell. "Peeta?" she calls.

"Katniss?" the voice is so hoarse, but she's sure it is Peeta.

"Oh my god, Peeta," she starts crying, "are you okay?"

"Would you rather I lied?" he coughs.

"What did he do to you?" she hiccups.

"Katniss," he coughs again multiple times. "I'm going to spare you the details on this one." More coughing. "You don't need to hear it, and I certainly don't want to tell you. I'll just say it's a good thing there's a wall between us."

"Peeta," she barely gets out before she starts sobbing.

"Are you and the baby okay?" the concern in his voice is palpable. "That's all I care about."

"Yes," she hiccups again. "According to Snow we're fine. But she's moving she at least I can kinda feel some assurance in that." Peeta responds with a muffled sob. "Oh, Peeta," her crying becomes more hysterical. "Peeta, how can I help you?" she turns to the wall and tries to stick her arm through the bars when she's zapped. "What can I do?"

"I don't think there's anything you can do," his voice is calmer now, but still hoarse. "It's alright, Katniss. I'll be okay."

"You were screaming," the sobs come yet again. "I hate hormones!" she shouts. "You were screaming Peeta."

"You could hear that?" his voice is full of horror.

"Yes!" she nearly shouts. "What are the - they - do - ing - to - to - you?"

"Katniss…" his voice is low and measured. "You don't want to know."

Suddenly a screen appears behind her in the cell and she turns to see the face of President Snow. "Citizens of Panem," he begins. "It is with great pleasure for me tonight, to tell you that I was able to rescue some of the victor's. Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, and Johanna Mason. Every measure is being taken to ensure they are kept well. No need to worry friends of the victor's. They are fine." Snow smiles. "Hopefully you'll hear from them soon." And the screen is gone.

"Peeta?" Katniss turns back to the wall. No answer. "Peeta?" she screams, and is answered with the most egregious scream she had ever heard in her life. Bursting into tears she crumples against the wall. Wishing she could reach him, and being utterly helpless as they did who knows what to him. This went on for several hours. When Katniss had finally cried herself to sleep she awoke with a start, covered in a blanket. Looking around the room she sees Johanna with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as well, curled into a ball on her bed. "What happened?" she listens for signs of screams, but hears nothing.

"He screamed for a long time, Katniss," the look of terror on Johanna's face lends to the fact that it was worse than before. "Then it stopped all at once."

"Is he alive?" she squeaks and pulls the blanket tighter around her shoulders, only realizing now how cold she was.

"Caesar had him on the show," Johanna shrugs and then shakes her head.

"How did he look?"

"Like he had a lot of makeup on," she sighs heavily. "Katniss, whatever they're doing to him...it's horrible. I can barely stomach his screaming. I'm pretty sure you passed out from shock, because it hit a point where I'm sure it was worse than any Jabberjay's scream you heard in the arena."

"Thank you," says Katniss swallowing hard.

"For what?" asks Johanna.

"Telling me the truth," she half smiles but it falters as another scream eminates from the cell beside them.

"NO! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Peeta's voice is unmistakeable. "NOT THAT! NOT THAT MOMENT!"

Katniss puts her hands over her ears to try to block out the sound, but he is yelling so loudly that nothing she tries helps. This is when she realizes that that is the form of torture Snow has planned for her … making her feeble and completely useless, unable to help Peeta as he screams and screams and screams and...she passes out again.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss," says Johanna, her voice cracking. "You got the short end of the stick for sure. I'm so very sorry."

The next two weeks the screaming continues, nothing changes, nothing stops, nothing is different. Peeta screams, Katniss cries till she passes out, and Johanna makes sure Katniss eats and sleeps. Everyone feeling helpless, everyone useless, everyone in a constant state of terror. Till one day there's some loud crashing in the hall and Haymitch appears outside the cell.

"Katniss!" he yells.

"Haymitch?" the shock and disbelief in her voice is unmistakeable.

"We've got to go Katniss," he urges. "Come on, get up!"

"Get Peeta," she says unmoving.

"Get up brainless!" shouts Johanna yanking her to her feet. "Get her out of here Haymitch."

"Peeta…" Katniss's voice void of emotion, of anything but utter wreckage.

"We'll get the boy," says Haymitch, "we've got to go Katniss. I don't know how much time we have."

"Peeta…" her voice cracking as Johanna yanks her to the opened cell door. "Where's Peeta?"

"Finnick and Gale are getting him now," he scoops her up into his arms realizing that she's not going to walk on her own. "Come on, sweetheart." It's then that Gale and Finnick emerge from Peeta's cell carrying him between them. The sight of him is so ghastly, so horrifyingly injured, that Katniss breaks into a sob that makes it difficult for Haymitch to hold onto her, and then she passes out again. "Oh Katniss," mutters Haymitch.

The way back to the hovercraft is completely uninterrupted. They ascend back into the the hovercraft and make their way to District 13, unhindered. While Plutarch rejoices over the radio, Haymitch, Finnick, and Gale all share a look. It should not be that easy to take them back from Snow. What had happened? Why did he just let them go? They didn't know, but seeing as how that was out of character for Snow, they figured it was not a good thing, so their celebrating will have to wait.

"Why did they just let us leave?" asks Gale.

"I don't know," Finnick shakes his head in disbelief.

"But we can bet," says Haymitch glancing over at his damaged victors, "that there was some strategy to this. Some plan. Something that we can most assuredly know is not good. Snow doesn't just let people escape. Something is wrong." A single tear slides down his face. "Anybody got something? I don't like emotions." Gale and Finnick raise their eyebrows at him. "How do you think I've coped with the horrors I've experienced over the years? Somebody hurt my kids, I don't take kindly to that."

"See Haymitch," jokes Finnick, "you do have a heart."

"If that's true," he mutters, "it's breaking."


	12. Chapter 12

Katniss wakes with a start and screams, sitting bolt upright on the cot. Looking around she can tell that she is in a hovercraft and Haymitch, Finnick, and Gale all share the same look of concern. She cannot place it, it's different than she has ever seen before, and it doesn't offer her the least bit of reassurance. In fact, it makes her more hesitant and afraid than ever.

Finnick reaches out a reassuring hand and rubs her shoulder. "I get them too. But it's okay, you're here with us, and you're safe now." His eyes say what his voice cannot. That something is very very wrong.

"Where's Peeta?" Katniss asks Haymitch directly.

He sighs heavily before replying, "He's in the medical part of the hovercraft."

"What ha-hap-happened?" she chokes out.

"Well," starts Gale. "We did get you out of the Capitol, but something is wrong with Peeta-" she tries to talk but he silences her dismissively. "We don't know what's wrong but he keeps screaming things…" he looks cautiously at Finnick and Haymitch before finishing rapidly, "Things I don't feel comfortable repeating."

"What things?" she can barely keep herself together.

"We don't know what they did to him," says Finnick regretfully, "but there's an awful lot of obscenities in relation to you…" he takes a deep breath, "Katniss, I'm going to say this slowly so you don't miss anything. He came to before you did...if Gale hadn't tackled him to the ground...he may very well have killed you."

"What?" the disbelief in her voice is palpable. "No. That's not possible."

Just then, Plutarch emerges from the rear of the hovercraft. Noticing Katniss he stops briefly, taking in the atmosphere, and then walks over to where she is and sits in the seat across from her. "Katniss." He swallows audibly, "this is going to be hard for you to hear-"

"I want to see him," she mumbles.

"I don't think that's the best idea right now," Plutarch cautions. "Snow did something to him in the Capitol, and until we know more about it, none of us feel comfortable enough for you - especially in your current condition - to be anywhere remotely near Peeta." She squeaks. "Katniss, you and the baby are what's most important now, and you know that is _exactly_ what Peeta would be telling you right now if he were in his right mind."

She nods. It's true. That is exactly what Peeta would be telling her. "I still want to see him…" the plea doesn't go unnoticed by the group and with much trepidation, and the fact that none of them can bare the look on her face or the tears in her eyes, they agree to let her see him through the glass wall. Remembering the last time this happened Katniss immediately breaks into tears. It was after their first Games and the doctors were trying to save him, but she was still so hyped up on how she had to protect him that she didn't realize what they were actually trying to do...save him. The feeling is surrounded by an even greater fear now than the last time.

"Maybe when we get back," says Haymitch warily.

"Back to 12?" she looks around at the group but no one speaks. "Back home? Are we going back to 12?"

"Now's probably not a good-" Finnick says slowly sharing concerned looks with the group.

"She should know," interrupts Gale. "There is no District 12."

Katniss's face contorts in horror. No 12? The idea seems completely impossible to her. "What?" she looks intently at Haymitch, pleading with him to disprove this fact, except he frowns, his eyebrows furrow and he sighs. "Haymitch? What does he mean there's no 12? What happened?" Tears are pouring from her eyes now. " _What happened to 12?_ " she shouts when no one has answered her.

"After you shot that arrow into the force field…" says Haymitch cautiously.

"The Capitol was upon us so quickly there was hardly time to react," continues Gale. "They started dropping firebombs. There's nothing left of District 12, but Victor's Village, for whatever reason, was spared. Everything else has been completely decimated."

"Everything?" her mind floats immediately to the town, to the Mellark's, to Madge. Everyone nods. "Nothing is left?" Starting with Haymitch everyone slowly shakes their head. "I don't believe you," she says finally.

"It looks just like 13 does in all of those videos we watch every year," says Gale callously. "There's nothing left Katniss."

"How many people survived?" her grasp on reality is slipping.

"Only about eight hundred," Gale huffs. "That's all I could convince to follow me to the meadow. No one else would come, and there wasn't time enough to make it to the town, and even if I had gone, there would have been no point."

"I don't believe you," she reiterates even more quietly than the last time.

"Katniss…" Haymitch reaches out a hand and places it on her shoulder.

"I don't _believe_ you," she inhales sharply before being kicked in the ribs and forcibly exhaling. "Ow!" rubbing the side of her stomach where the kick originated she says softly, "I don't know what to do sweetheart. I don't know what to do." Looking at all of the frantic faces she suddenly realizes that she has no idea where they are going, "Where do we live now?" Haymitch explains they they live in District 13 now, that is was never actually obliterated like the videos and the President were always saying. District 12 might be no more, but at least they wouldn't be completely homeless. After a moment of silence Katniss speaks her wish again, "I want to see Peeta."

"Katniss that's really not a-" Finnick objects.

"Oh, what's the harm?" asks Gale.

Katniss perplexed by his sudden acceptance of her relationship with Peeta, looks at him puzzled. "What _is_ the harm?" she makes direct eye contact with Haymitch, but he doesn't answer. "What aren't you telling me? You owe me that much Haymitch. You owe me the truth."

"Katniss…"

"No!" she stands a little too quickly and rocks back and forth feeling suddenly lightheaded, "I want to know what is going on, and someone better tell me before I kill everyone on this hovercraft!"

"You being pregnant...that's not very threatening," says Gale mockingly.

Her anger, rising so steadily until this point, overflowed it's metaphorical banks. "I want to see Peeta!" the scream was so loud and so shocking that Haymitch recoils as if burnt with a hot iron.

"Oh my god!" comes a voice towards the back of the hovercraft. The voice is Johanna Mason's and she glares at the three men. "She's not going to rest until you let her see him, so just let her see him. Put the rest of us out of our misery hearing her complain and scream because no one is doing a damn thing. Just let her see him. God!" The group stares at her speechless. "Hey, you're the idiots, don't look at me like that."

"We don't think it's a good idea," says Haymitch. "It's not that we don't want her to see him, we just don't think now is the best time." Johanna folds her arms over her chest and her glare at Haymitch intensifies. "Why are you so sure she should see him?"

"The 'what if's' are what kills you," she states matter-of-factly. "Those are the worst. If he's as messed up as you're all saying, let her see that for herself. Trust me, not knowing is a whole lot worse than having the truth withheld from you. When the truth is withheld the what if's of the situation take over and you start to lose your mind." When Haymitch doesn't cave she grumbles, "or are we the exclusion on regrets, Haymitch? You lost your girl and your family because of what you did in the Games, imagine if you were in her shoes."

"It was her actions that brought this on," interjects Gale. "It all happened because she shot an arrow at the force field."

"No," Katniss shakes her head. "It started with the berries. Everything that has happened since then, is my fault. If I'd just eaten the berries and died, like I was supposed to, none of this would have happened. Peeta could have lived just fine on his own." The moment on the beach stops her thought in it's tracks, neither of them, would be whole without the other, however much she tried to ignore that fact.

"You don't know what they would have done to him in the Capitol, if he'd won, Katniss," Finnick shakes his head. "He might have gotten the same treatment as me...or worse, and I know you well enough to know you could not deal with the worse." Standing he walks over to Katniss, grabs her hand, and forces her to sit beside him in the seats. "Trust me. You probably saved his life in more than one way with those berries."

Katniss looks at him puzzled but turns instead to face Haymitch, " _Please_ , please let me see him. I don't want to beg, but if that's what it takes, I'm ready to beg. Please Haymitch...take me to see Peeta."

"It's not a goo-" Gale is waved off as Haymitch interrupts.

"It's against my better judgment," he states, "but I will allow you, as long as you do _everything_ that I say. Not a word, _not a toe_ out of line, you hear me?" She nods so strongly that her head moves around like a bobblehead doll from years ago.

"Anything, anything you tell me to do, I will do," she gets to her feet and faces Finnick. "Will you come with me?" Finnick nods and gets to his feet beside her. "Lead the way Haymitch," she nods in the direction in front of her. Haymitch slowly gets to his feet and leads her through to another part of the hovercraft - that she'd never actually seen before - when she hears another set of footsteps behind her she stops and turns to face Gale as he nearly runs into her. "Where do you think you're going?"

"With you," he glances at Haymitch and Finnick before looking back at her.

"I told Finnick to come," she glares up at him. "I did not ask you to come."

"We don't know what he's capable of," Gale flexes his jaw. "So I'm going, whether you like it or not."

"Not," she shoves him back with as much force as she can muster. "Just stay here Gale." Turning she starts to follow Haymitch but yet again hears footsteps behind her, "No!" she spins around holding her belly as the motion messes with her center of gravity, "I said no. Please, just stay here!"

"Katniss-" he extends his hand forward to hers.

"No," she shakes her head as tears stream down her face as her hormones and the traumas of the day hit her. "Please-plea-pleaseee, ju-just st-stay, heeere," her hand flies up to cover her mouth and she shakes her head profusely before angrily wiping the tears from her cheeks. Taking a deep breath and clearing her throat she reiterates, "please stay here."

"Okay," says Gale slowly sitting back down. He wasn't about to argue with a crying woman, even though that was all he wanted to do. She had no right to shove him out like that. Sure, he'd never been Peeta's biggest fan but - no, forget that. It was probably best he stayed behind after all.

"Thank you," she breathes out, weary from the arena, exhausted and sore. Trying to ignore the looks of caution from the surrounding men, and failing miserably, she starts to become acutely aware that what is happening is not what should be happening...and that quite possibly, what is happening is about to break her heart into thousands of pieces.

"Alright," Finnick grabs her hand and pulls her towards the back of the hovercraft. "It's best you try to prepare yourself for whatever is about to happen-"

"It's going to be bad isn't it?" the question is directed at Haymitch.

"Sweetheart," he sighs heavily, "if I could protect you both from every evil of this world, I'd do it. You don't deserve this. Peeta doesn't deserve this. It's a damn miracle you both made it out of the arena - and the Capitol. Why Snow kept you alive, I have no idea. All he's been doing is trying to discredit you and make the rebels think that they couldn't win because you were playing for the other side." Katniss' blank stare prompts him to come forward and places his hands on her shoulders. "I don't think there is a way to prepare you for this."

"Truth," she sniffles, "I can work with that."

Slowly. Cautiously. Begrudgingly. Finnick and Haymitch lead Katniss towards the room where they have been keeping Peeta. Haymitch stops and looks to her pleadingly, "Please just think about-"

"No more Haymitch," she shakes her head and shoves him from in front of her. A doctor emerges from the doorway. "I would like to see him."

The doctor casts a furtive glance to Haymitch and Finnick before shaking his head, "I can't condone that. Especially not in your current condition," he gestures to her. "I don't think it would be wise, and certainly not prudent... _which I told_ these two here." Katniss straightens her posture, crosses her arms, and glares at the doctor. With much vacillation the doctor moves out of her way. "I really caution you. I cannot support this decision. Anything that happens from this moment on is neither my fault, nor my responsibility, is that understood?" She nods in a silent agreement. "I need you to say it, Katniss."

"Anything that happens isn't your fault," she says wryly.

"Then you may go in," defeated and irritated the doctor punches a code into the keypad and the door slides open.

Peeta is strapped to a bed, his arms and legs tied to the ends. One glance at Katniss and his reaction is immediate, he begins to scream at her, accuse her, belittle her, of the things he screams only one has the desired effect. "I should never have given you that bread. Sure would have saved myself a lot of trouble if I hadn't."

Katniss, who up to this point, had maintained some sort of decorum despite the insults, finally reached the breaking point. The bread. Their one moment of real connection. The one thing that had cemented in her mind all those years ago that he was someone that could be trusted, and in a few brief seconds, it was all ripped from her. Whatever Snow had done to her, he sure did a good job of projecting her own insecurities about herself into Peeta's mind. For now, the Peeta she knew was not the Peeta she saw, and the Peeta she saw was breaking her heart in a way the real Peeta never would.

Turning on her heel she exits the room. Haymitch and Finnick follow closely behind. The doctor is there waiting with a box of tissues and a chart. "What happened to Peeta is a newer form of torture. I've only seen it one other time - when I worked for the Capitol, before I fled - and I've got to say, this is more advanced than even the case I saw there."

"What happened to him?" Katniss snatches the box of tissues from the doctor and pulls one out to meet the tears already flowing from her eyes.

"It's called hijacking," he begins slowly, weighing the situation before continuing. "It's a type of fear conditioning. This is helped by the venom from tracker jackers. You were stung before, I'm sure you can remember what it felt like." Katniss's head bobs slightly. "Essentially, what is done is a memory is called back, either by a video of some kind - and the Capitol has ready access to your entire relationship - and it is infused with the venom."

"To make it scary?" voices Finnick.

"Life threatening even, yes."

"Is that what Snow did to Peeta?" huffs Haymitch.

"Yes," agrees the doctor. "That much we have been able to gather. Most of his other memories seem to be well intact. It is only his memories of you that seem to be affected by the venom. It's fear conditioning...to create a fear of something, you have to change the sentiment of the memory, of the person. If you can take moments with someone and infuse them with fear, it is quite easy to change the fear of the thing itself. We're hardwired to remember fear best...that's why this is such an effective method, because it penetrates your normal cognizance to the inner layer, the one that believes there's good in everyone. It takes the heart out of the equation, removes any positive emotions and inflicts mental distrust and enfuses vulnerability. And fear. It creates a strong sense of fear, irrationally petrified. You've come to accept these changes as reality, and that's why it works so well, it changes what's real to a person."

"You sound like you admire Snow," Katniss says brusquely.

"Not at all," says the doctor thoughtfully. "The method itself is what is admirable. I've never much liked it, but I've seen what it can do. It's very effective. It garnishes the exact desired effect on the person. Once you've hijacked someone, you can convince them that their own mother is their worst enemy, and then they would be hell-bent on taking that person out. Remove the threat, remove the fear. The process's result is ingenious, but it's effect is long-lasting."

"So he's always going to wish I were dead?" she yanks another tissue from the box as tears begin to fall more profusely from her eyes.

"When did he say that?" questions Finnick.

"The bread comment," she hiccups and then continues, "if he hadn't given me that bread...my mother, Prim, and I would have died six years ago. Peeta saved my life before we saved each other in the arena. He saved me at a time when no one else would. I was replaceable to everyone...everyone but Peeta. He saved my life with that bread."

"Oh," there's a collective sigh of guilt around the group.

"So exactly how long is he going to hate me?" mutters Katniss through gritted teeth.

"I don't know yet," pauses the Doctor, "what his level of hijacking is. Once I've determined that, I _should_ be able to ascertain a course of action to reversing the venoms influence on him. But I won't know until we get back to District 13 exactly what I'm dealing with."

"So possibly never?"

"Not the kind of attitude I was hoping for…" says the doctor slowly as he turns to Haymitch, casting a surreptitious glance. "I'll let you know as soon as I know more."

"Thank you doctor," requites Haymitch.

The doctor leaves the room and Katniss walks past the duo, back to where they'd been before, sits down, curls into a ball and begins to cry - somewhat violently - until she falls asleep. "Should we wake her?" wonders Gale aloud.

"No," Johanna shakes her head. "Trust me. Let her sleep."

"Okay," says Haymitch and Finnick and Gale nod. She had spent several weeks in a cell with Katniss. If anyone knew to let her sleep, it was Johanna. And sleep she did. It wasn't until the next day that she woke up in District 13, alone and hurting in the hospital wing.

"What's this?" she asks an attending nurse.

"Let me go get your mother," she pats Katniss' shoulder reassuringly and leaves the room.

A few brief moments later Katniss' mother enters the room and sits on the bed beside Katniss.

"Why am I in the hospital?" she questions her.

"We need to monitor you…"

"Why?" horror crossing her countenance.

"The baby's heart rate has been fluctuating…" Mrs. Everdeen takes a deep breath.

"What?" tears pour from her eyes and she throws her arms over her stomach protectively. "This can't be happening!"

"Katniss," her mother takes hold of one of her hands. "It's not fatal. We just need to monitor you and the baby. Just take a deep breath. If there ever is anything to worry about, I will be the first person to tell you. For now, just get some rest."

"How's Peeta?" she asks but seeing the look on her mother's face she yanks the blanket up over her head. "Stupid berries!"


	13. Chapter 13

The next several weeks are a challenge. Katniss is introduced to the propo team that has been working with Finnick for the entirety of the time that she was locked up in the Capitol with Peeta and Johanna. After meeting President Coin, the leader of District 13, she is set to join the propo team. Restricted of course, seeing as how she's eight months pregnant, but participate nonetheless. She's updated daily, hourly on particularly bad days, of Peeta's progression. The propo's come easy enough to her, especially with her pent up anger than seems to be relieved by nothing in the literal world. Several districts have joined the fight as a result. She'd done exactly what they'd wanted her to from the beginning.

"He wants to see you," Haymitch says out of the blue after the filming of a propo.

"What?" she stops and turns to face him.

"He asked to see you, Katniss." Without a second thought she starts to walk in the opposite direction of the hospital. Haymitch follows quickly after her. "Katniss, this hasn't been easy on any of us, but you're still his wife and he would like to see you."

"Are you sure he doesn't want to kill me anymore?" she snaps.

"Katniss, you and I both know that were he in his right mind, he wouldn't have wanted to do that the last time," he sighs heavily before grabbing her hand and pulling her to a gentle stop. "I think you should at the very least, try. You're due in the next few weeks. You owe it to yourself, Peeta, and that little girl."

"I don't know if I can, Haymitch," she hesitates.

"Not necessary," he shrugs. "You need to do this for Peeta."

"I don't _need_ to do anything for anyone," she grumbles.

"Katniss," Haymitch steps in front of her. "I'm asking you to go see your _husband_."

"That's not Peeta."

"Please, Katniss. I implore you."

"Will you stop pestering me, if I do?"

"Yes," he lets go of her. "Completely hands off."

"Fine," she huffs and turns around. "Let's go, before I change my mind." With her belly bigger than ever it takes longer than normal to walk to the hospital. Upon her arrival several doctors and nurses immediately ask her if she's in labor and several if she's okay, once they're all told that she coming to see Peeta, they all back off and return to their work.

"Katniss?" her mother calls to her in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"He wants to see me…"

Her mother immediately looks to Haymitch, "do you think that's a good idea?"

"He's mad at me, Emma," he steps forward and grabbing Katniss' hand, walks around her mother. Leading her down the hallway, he begins to have second thoughts. Is this actually a good idea? Why had he been for it until her mother had said something? Was he feeling irrationally protective of her, or was it justified? Doubt begins to overcome him, but he keeps walking, and in no time at all they come face to face with the doctor from the Hovercraft. Stopping momentarily to get a grasp on her surroundings Katniss continues to follow Haymitch past the doctor.

"Okay," Haymitch says coming to a stop. "He's through this door. I'll be right out here watching the monitor in case I need to come in there. He's handcuffed to a beam, so he won't be able to get to you as long as you don't get too close to him."

"If you're supposed to be reassuring me, you're not doing a very good job," she says passing him to the door. Grabbing the handle and with a heavy sigh she pulls the door open. Stepping into the room she crosses her arms over her stomach protectively and takes in Peeta. He looks much better than before, not so pale or thin anymore, healthy. More than she could have hoped for. "Peeta," she says, her voice cracking.

"Katniss," he says with a nod and sizes her up.

The two remain silent, for awhile her eyes never leave the floor, but his never leave her.

"Katniss," he barely whispers. "Thank you for coming."

Nodding, "Haymitch said you wanted to see me. Well, here I am."

"I have eyes, Katniss."

"Good," she folds her arms a little tighter. "At least those are still functional."

"That's not fair," he says wringing his hands. "You know that's not fair."

"I know," she shakes her head and shrugs, "I'm sorry. But I've never been the nice one. That's always been you."

"So that makes what you said okay?" he asks, bitterly.

"No, I guess not."

"How's Gale?" he wonders, through gritted teeth.

"Gale is fine," she spits out. Annoyed. "What does that matter?"

"Well you haven't come to see me," he says cracking his knuckles. "So I just figured you were spending all your free time with Gale."

"Now who's the one not being fair?"

"You're right," he agrees. "I should absolutely assume that you are what they tell me. I should absolutely not doubt how you feel about me, despite the fact that you haven't come to see me once. Do you love me, Katniss?" She opens her mouth to talk but he continues, "Because from where I sit, here, in this room, completely alone...I doubt it."

"You could have asked for me before now too, you know."

"I didn't think you'd come to see me," he admits. "I'm surprised you came this time."

"Well the last time I came to see you, you all but said you wished I was dead," she uncrosses her arms and they fall to her sides in fists, "so tell me why that would make me _want_ to come here?"

"I'm not sure I meant that…"

"The you I once knew - the one I married - no...he'd never mean that. The the new you - this you - well...he might have meant that."

"You're still not being fair." The two stop talking and look at opposite walls for several minutes in frustration before Peeta speaks again. "Maybe, if I could remember some things...or could determine when they were real or not...maybe things would be better."

A voice comes over the speaker, "Then ask Peeta. It's what Annie does."

He nods in the air before making eye contact with Katniss, "your favorite color...is green?"

"Yes," she nods emphatically. "And yours is orange."

"Orange?" he asks with a cocked eyebrow.

"Not a bright orange. A soft one." She takes two tentative steps forward before stopping. "Like a sunset."

"Oh," he nods. "Thank you."

Before she can stop herself she continues, "You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." Her hands fly up and cover her face just as the tears begin to flow. Peeta stares at her, trying to figure her out. Looking up slowly, her eyes and face wet with tears, "What did Snow do to you?"

Peeta strains against his cuffs. "You do love me. That much wasn't a lie." She shakes her head and makes a beeline for the door, but as she does so she hears a clanking noise from behind her and stops to look back. Peeta has stood and taken as many steps towards her as he can while still being handcuffed. "That wasn't a lie." He kicks the wall behind him. "You shake your head, but in my head, all I see is the video of Gale kissing you...over and over and over and over again." He hits his head against the poll.

"That-" she chokes. "That was before the Victory Tour." Tears begin to fall again. "Before the wedding. Before this." She gestures to her stomach. "Before the Quarter Quell. That was so long ago, Peeta. So long ago." Her hand flies up to cover her mouth and stifle a sob. "I just hear you screaming. Over and over and over again. I can't sleep. I can't breathe. I can't-" she gasps audibly. "I had to listen to you screaming for weeks. I had…" she inhales and exhales. "I couldn't help you. I couldn't save you. I blew out the arena. This is all my fault!"

"No," he says shaking his head. "I know somewhere inside, that's not true."

"It is true," her sobbing becomes more violent. "It's my fault Peeta. It's _all_ my fault. It's because of those berries. Because I couldn't kill you."

"Couldn't?"

"No, I couldn't kill you."

"Why?" he strains against the cuffs, hanging on her every word.

"Because I need you," she breaths heavily.

The door opens and in walks Gale. "Come on, Katniss."

"Really?" hollers Peeta yanking his cuffs. "You're just gonna waltz in here like that - while we're talking?"

"Yeah," he nods and grabs ahold of Katniss' elbow. "Now come on."

"No," she yanks her arm free.

"What's so wrong with her talking to me?" protests Peeta.

"Nothing," he shrugs. "She's just been so focused on your discussion that she didn't even notice that her water just broke."

"What?" She stares at the ground and sees the truth in his words. Then the pain hit. In a matter of seconds Haymitch was in the room scooping her up and rushing away. Peeta staring after them not knowing what to say, emotions confusing as ever. Haymitch just makes it to the maternity side of the hospital and placed her on a bed when the doctor appears and tells her it probably won't take longer than an hour at this point.

"You're fully dilated," he grabs gloves. "You should be ready to push shortly."

"I'm not ready…" she starts to cry. "I'm not ready."

"You haven't got a choice, Katniss," Haymitch says patting her on the shoulder.

"Gale, get out."

"But-" he tries to speak.

"If Peeta isn't going to be here, you're not going to be here. And even if he was you wouldn't-Ahhhhh!" she shouts in pain. Gale tries to stay but Haymitch pushes him from the room and is about to exit himself when Katniss calls him back with a scream.

The doctor was right - almost. In one hour and four minutes Katniss Everdeen Mellark is a mother. The shock of the rapid labor leaves her in a haze of disbelief, even as the doctor places her screaming baby in her arms, she hasn't quite gotten a grasp on the situation at hand - that is - until her baby stopped crying the instant she touched her chest. The rush of emotions in the moment bring tears to her eyes and she pulls the baby in close.

"She's beautiful, Katniss," Haymitch says, pushing the hairs on her face back behind her ears. "What are you going to name her?"

"Well, Peeta and I barely had a chance to talk about the gender, let alone any names…" she pauses taking in the brown locks of hair and letting out a slight gasp as she opens her eyes to look at her. "She's got his eyes," she swallows hard. "Lily. I know Peeta would approve. I'm going to call her Lily."

"Got any middle name in mind?" asks Prim, rushing into the room.

"When Peeta is better," she sighs heavily, "I'll let him decide."

"But what if-" starts the doctor.

"Please don't say anything like, maybe he won't, or what if he doesn't," making direct eye contact with the doctor, "because if he had the sense enough to get angry at and jealous of Gale for pulling me out of the room, and straining against the cuffs as I was being pulled out - no, he's in there somewhere, and I'm not giving up on him yet." Nodding the doctor backs out slowly. "I am _never_ letting you go," she looks down at her daughter and weeps openly.

Over the next week, Katniss never leaves her daughter for longer than it takes for her to go to the bathroom or take a shower, and the only people she'll let even think about touching her in her absence are exactly four people: Haymitch, Finnick, Johanna, and Prim. She trusted her mother, but there was never enough time for her with her being a healer and people needing her constantly. One day after a particularly tiring one - and hours of filming a propo with the baby - Haymitch comes to her slowly, but before he says anything she gathers what he means.

"Peeta wants to see me?"

"Actually," he says interested. "He wants to see the baby. We showed him the last propo, and he asked if he could see her. I told him that I would talk to you. He got angry when he heard Gale had seen her and he hadn't. Yelled at me for quite awhile about how she was his baby and not Gale's and he had a right to see her. I agree with him, but I told him I would have to talk to you. This really is your choice, Katniss. We won't make you do anything you don't want to do, or don't feel comfortable with."

"He's right," she admits, pulling Lily closer to her chest. "He does deserve to see her." She pauses slightly before looking up at Haymitch, "How is he? Do you think he's stable enough? Do you think it would be safe?"

"Katniss, you saw him before. He's a little better, but he's not exactly his old self either."

"Not what I asked, Haymitch." She gently begins to rock the baby back and forth as she sleeps soundly in her arms. "Do you think it would be safe? I need to know that it would be safe. I need to know that he wouldn't hurt her."

"Katniss," he shrugs, "We can't know that unless we try...that's why it's your call. Yes she's his daughter, but she's yours too. If you feel comfortable with it, then I feel comfortable with it. If you want me there with you - if you decide to do it - I will be there with you. Whatever you decide, sweetheart, I will back 100%."

"Then," she hesitates, looking back down at her sleeping baby. "I'm okay with it. I do, however, want you there with me. And I want him cuffed. I want precautions, I don't want to be blindsided by anything, and I certainly don't want anything to happen to her...and I know Peeta wouldn't want that either. So yes, he can see her, but I'm going too."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," he nods. "Do you want to go now?"

"Probably should, before I have too much time to think about it." She says and Haymitch nods in understanding and they walk over to the hospital. He asks her if she wants him to go in and prepare Peeta, but she decides that no, she wants him to be surprised. "I need to see his reaction, Haymitch. I need to see what he does...and in order for that to happen, he can't know beforehand."

"Okay, Katniss." Getting to the door Haymitch stops her, "Not that I doubt you…"

"Yes, Haymitch," she smiles. "Open the door." Without another word he pushes the door open and she walks through, carrying the sleeping infant in her arms. Peeta perks right up at the sight of her and tears begin to fall from his eyes. "I named her Lily...ya know, carrying on what my father did...naming us after plants." She takes a few steps towards him and stops. "I saw her," she starts to cry, "and she is just so beautiful, that I had to name her after a flower."

"Did you pick a middle name?" he stands, hands cuffed around a poll.

"No," she shakes her head. "I thought I'd let you pick it...she's your daughter too. She has your eyes." Then Katniss begins to cry to profusely and so intently that she wakes the sleeping baby up. With a slight stretch and a whine of exhaustion, Lily resituates herself and falls back asleep. She now steps close enough to him that there is only two feet that separate them from each other.

Peeta looks down at the baby, "She is beautiful," and then looks up at Katniss, "I'm so sorry, Katniss. I'm sorry that I can't remember things. I'm sorry...I just. I'm so very very sorry."

Waving her head back and forth she speaks with a shaky voice, "It's - it's not your fault, Peeta. It's my fault. All of this," she nods down to his cuffed hands. "It's all my fault." He forces his eyes shut and stamps a foot on the ground. "It is. It's all my fault. None of this ever would have happened, if I'd just eaten those berries and died like I was supposed to."

"No," his head snaps up and their eyes lock. "No, Katniss. It's not. What you did, we did together. I could have eaten those berries and died, but I didn't. I remember...you told me to spit them out, and I did...you-saved my life. You never tried to kill me. We were a team...with Haymitch and Effie. A team."

"Yes," she says still crying. "Yes we are."

"And I loved you a lot."

"Yes, you did."

"And you love me?"

Before she can even say anything the door swings open.

"Really?!" Peeta shouts as Gale's face comes into view. "You are lucky I'm handcuffed to this poll."

"Katniss, they need us in command immediately."

"I will be there momentarily," she says through gritted teeth as she glances over her shoulder.

"Don't wait too long."

"I'm the Mockingjay, what exactly do they think they can do without me?"

"Just hurry." He turns and the door shuts behind him.

Peeta kicks the wall in frustration. "What is his _problem_? Am I not allowed to talk to you? See my daughter? What gives, Katniss?" He pauses and then looks between himself and the door. Several times before staring at Katniss. "Are you with him now or something?"

"What? No." She kisses her baby on the forehead. "No, Peeta. It's you. Just you."

"Katniss, do you love me? Is that real?"

She nods and immediately retreats to the door.

"I can't explain it," he calls after her. "And part of me doesn't understand it, another part can't forget it, and yet my heart tells me it's true. That I love you, but Snow messed me up pretty good, Katniss. I still can't tell what's really real."

She stops at the door and nods down to Lily, "This." Then she looks back at him. "Us. We're real. That's all you need to know. And that is absolutely something you can trust. We're real, Peeta. This is all real." Before she can utter another word, and before Peeta has the chance to say anything, she's out the door and it's closing behind her.

"You gonna be okay, sweetheart?"

"Yeah," she nods, wiping the tears away with her shoulder. "Now let's go to this stupid meeting."

"You going to take Lily back to the nursery?"

"No," she says shaking her head.

"Katniss!" Finnick hollers, catching up to them. "I think it might have been too quiet, and you too close to leaving to hear it...but Peeta gave her a middle name."

"He did?" she stops in shock.

"Yeah, as you were leaving. He said, Lily can be the nickname, but her name should be Lillian Madge Mellark. He knows she didn't make it, and he vaguely remembers you being friends…" He trails off when Katniss starts to cry. "Want me to carry her there? Give you a couple seconds break." She shakes her head and pulls the infant close.

"Daddy is still in there my darling, and we're going to get him back."


	14. Chapter 14

"That's really irresponsible," snaps Gale as he comes to stand beside Katniss.

"Excuse me?" She turns to look at him. Angrily she continues, "what gives you the right to say that to me?"

"Look!" He gestures through the one way glass. "He could hurt her."

Katniss fuming, crosses her arms and turns to face Gale. "That may not be the same Peeta that I married because the Capitol messed him up good. But if you think for even _one second_ that he would do anything to hurt that little girl - my little girl, _his_ little girl - then you've got another thing coming."

"Oh, so you're willing to put your baby in the arms of someone who tried to kill you," his arms fly up into the air, "that's just wrong on so many levels, Katniss!"

"Just like your secondary explosion bombs?" She cuts.

"Those two things are not alike," he says defensively.

"Oh, right," she nods, facing the glass again. "One wouldn't hurt it's surroundings, and the other could take out city blocks. You are absolutely right Gale, I'm so sorry I haven't been more trusting with your death trap."

"Where is all this hostility coming from?" He asks, perplexed.

"You insulted Peeta, that's where it came from," she jabs a finger hard at his sternum. "I know you don't think well of Peeta. I know you've never been his biggest fan. But do you _see_ that?" She throws her arms and hands open at the glass. "He is holding her. He's not doing anything that could even remotely hurt her."

"Only takes a couple seconds to drop her."

Katniss' face contorts in horror and distress as she marches around Gale and through the door into the room where Peeta is. Tears are falling down her cheeks as she enters, and Peeta stops to stare at her. He looks confused, but compensates by gently placing Lily back in the bassinet that she'd been in before.

"Katniss?" He takes several steps back and sits on the bed at the wall opposite her.

"Peeta." She comes to an abrupt stop, inches from Lily, a couple feet from Peeta.

"Something wrong?" He curls back into a ball on the bed, back against the wall.

"What?" She asks before noticing how he's situated himself. "Oh!" She frantically waves her hands in front of her. "You're fine. I promise. You didn't do anything." After a moment she notices the bags under his eyes. "Are you not sleeping?" He shakes his head. "Nightmares?" He nods. She takes one step toward him when Lily begins to cry. Stopping to face the infant she pulls Lily into her arms. Rocking the baby back and forth she faces Peeta, who has recoiled against the wall even more and is rocking himself back and forth in the opposite motion of her. "I still get nightmares. I'm seeing you tortured. Now that I know what Snow did...it's all I dream about." She strokes the baby's cheek.

"Mine are so confusing!" He exclaims as he throws his hands up to cover his ears.

"Peeta..." she coos.

"I can't tell whether I should hate you or love you!" He shouts. "Sometimes it kills me, and other times I just want to kill you. It's not fair Katniss." He takes a slow measured breath before continuing. "I think I remember saying something about how my nightmares are about losing you, but then I think I said that I'm-"

"Okay once I realize you're here," she asserts. "You did. It was the first night in a long time that I actually slept."

"No nightmares?" He sounds surprised. Almost as if it were an impossibility.

"No nightmares."

There's a pause, and Peeta relaxes slightly, "So that memory is real?"

"Yeah, Peeta," she says with a smile. "That memory is real." She lifts the baby up to her lips and places a delicate kiss on her forehead. As she lowers the baby again she notices Peeta curls into a tighter ball. "Are you alright Peeta?"

He shakes his head profusely before answering through clenched teeth, "Sometimes I'm fine, and I remember things...but then other times, it's like I'm not really here, like I'm sleepwalking, and then in that stupor I just want to see you dead…" he hits his palms against the sides of his head, "It's so hard, Katniss. Somewhere I know inside you'd never kill me, but then it's moments like when you picked up our daughter, that I felt the urge to attack you for picking up _my_ daughter. I'm not in control, Katniss."

"Peeta," she steps forward so that they're only separated by a few inches. "I'm not scared of you."

"Maybe you should be."

"What?" She hesitates, stopping mid-motion.

"It's not safe with me." His head hangs low and his eyes fervent.

"You're doing so much better though!" She says encouragingly. "They say you're really improving."

"That might be true, Katniss...but there are still times that all I want to do is cause you pain." He starts to hit his head against the wall. "It's not safe for you here. I'm going to hurt you. I'm not safe. Please," he urges as she closes the space between them and sits beside him on the bed, "I don't want to hurt you, Katniss."

"Peeta," Katniss says steadying the baby in one arm as she reaches out to brush the hair from his forehead, "I trust you."

"But I don't trust me," he says as he scoots away from her. "I don't have the self control." He pauses as if perplexed, not sure if he should say it or not; but after much deliberation he continues, "I have some memories I can't make sense of. I don't think the Capitol touched them. A lot of nights on the train, for instance."

"What about the nights on the train?" She asks cautiously, not that there was anything to worry about, nothing had even happened until they were married. "What about them doesn't make sense?"

"It seems like…" he stops momentarily, "sometimes...the only time I felt safe was with you. But I also remember being angry with you when you suggested the whole, getting married thing, I mean I know I forgave you...and clearly it worked out fine," he nods his head at Lily, "but I also remember a lot of anger. I was so _angry_." He pounds his fist into the bed frame. "You know, they showed me the videos of Gale kissing you, and then you kissing me in the Quell...they told me that the former was the real one, that you didn't actually mean to kiss me. That the...love...you had for me was all a part of the game, part of you appeasing him. But then I look at her, and think that some of that can't be right, I mean...we have a daughter. A _daughter._ Someone who is a bit of you, and a bit of me…" a tear slides down his face and Katniss reaches over to brush it away and he catches her hand. He stares at it for a long time before finally looking up at her, "I don't want to hate you. And I know I obviously never did, but all I can feel right now is that hatred. I'm sorry, Katniss. I'm so, so, so sorry." He drops her hand and looks away from her to stare at the wall.

"Peeta," she squeaks. "I've been providing for my mother, Prim, and I for so long...so long that I don't require help from anyone. You saved us with that bread, that night in the rain, and we lived to fight another day." She reaches forward and gently grabs his chin and pulls his face toward her. "When I said 'I need you'...that wasn't a joke. It wasn't for the cameras, or the sponsors, or for anyone or anything but myself. I still need you Peeta...I understand that you can't see the truth in that right now, but it doesn't make it any less true." With a quick glance at the baby in her arms she drops her hand to rock her. "I hope that at some point you can see that. Can understand that it's always been you...even when I wouldn't admit it to myself, but you can't see it now and I get that. I'd never force you to see or feel anything. This all has to be you, I can't choose any of this for you. _You_ have to want it." Katniss gets to her feet and before she turns to leave she leans forward close to Peeta's face, and lays the gentlest kiss on his forehead. As she pulls away she can see tears in his eyes. "And I'll be here waiting until you do." Then she steps back and walks toward the door when his voice stops her.

"I want to feel it," he says as she turns to look at him. "Snow is going to pay for what he's done."

"Way ahead of you, darling." She notices the pet name and immediately turns and heads for the door which opens at her approach. Gale is standing on the other side of the door, with a look of agitation and disdain. "What now?" She makes an exasperated sigh.

"He could have killed you!" He shouts.

"He won't hurt Lily," Katniss grumbles. "So I held onto her, because if he could stop himself from hurting her _without_ me there, he could certainly stop himself from hurting me _with_ her there."

There's a sudden frantic pounding on the other side of the door. Gale steps protectively around Katniss as he punches in a code and it opens. Peeta is panting on the other side when Gale steps in the room and forces the door shut in front of Katniss. Her heart begins pounding as she rushes over to the observation room. She makes it there just in time to see Peeta land a solid punch across Gale's jaw. After rubbing his jaw, Gale hurls a punch back at him, but instead of making any contact Peeta catches his arms and throws Gale to the floor and quickly immobilizes him with a wrestling move.

"I wasn't on the wrestling team for nothing!" Shouts Peeta in fury. "I could take down guys twice the size of you! Why are you so hell-bent on ruining my life? Just because I can't remember everything that involved Katniss, or _our daughter_ doesn't mean you can just step in and take my place! I have a lot of memories that Snow messed up, but one thing stayed the same and constant through it all - WE HAVE A DAUGHTER!" Peeta is screaming at Gale.

Haymitch runs into the observation room and Katniss quickly places the still sleeping newborn into his arms and runs to the door. Haymitch shouts the combination at her and she's very quickly in the room and pulling Peeta off of Gale and pushing him back to the bed where they had been sitting just moments before. Peeta initially tries to get around her, but she won't let him.

"Why are you defending him?" He yells at Katniss as Gale gets to his feet.

"I understand you're angry!" She gently pats his chest. "I get it Peeta, I really do. But you can't just attack people when they make you mad!" He tries to get around her again but she continues to stonewall him. But then Gale speaks and she's angry too.

"Gotta have Katniss here to save you? Not that special are you?" He laughs maniacally.

" _What_?" Katniss spins around to face him. "What did you just say?"

"You can't fight his battles for him, Katniss," he says with a smile. "He's got to be a big boy and fight his own."

Katniss can feel Peeta's tense body directly behind her and can hear him panting. She extends her arms out protectively when Peeta tries to step around her but she stops him, yet again, as Gale continues his taunting.

"You're so weak Peeta, she tried to save your life in the first Games and cost you your leg." He laughs. "And _then_ you had to have a bunch of tributes die for you in the Quarter Quell. What are you good for anyway if she's always going to be there to save you?"

"What are you saying, Gale?" Snaps Katniss, folding her arms in front of her.

"I'm saying, what is he good for?" He folds his arms over his chest and looks down to her.

Despite the fact that she is both shorter and smaller than Peeta, and Peeta could pick her up and move her without issue, he remains behind her. "You keep talking like that, and I might just let him beat you black and blue."

"Let?" Gale says haughtily. "You have to let him."

"Gale," says Katniss, cracking her knuckles and taking deliberate steps towards him. "This man," she jabs a finger back to where Peeta is and discovers that he had followed closely behind her. "The _father_ of _my_ child, who saved me one night in the rain, when my family was starving. Long before we even met, he'd already started saving my life. That didn't change as the years went by. He's come to my defense. He protected your ungrateful behind at the whipping post, and he certainly had no reason to actually do that, other than I was already out there defending you. So don't you stand there all high and mighty and think that just because you're an active member of this rebellion, that he isn't capable of doing what he's always done. He's never failed at protecting me, Gale. I've failed him. I let us get separated in the Quarter Quell, and that will always be on me, but he's never failed me. Even now, this is all Snow, it's not Peeta. I _hate_ Snow for what he did, I know that my Peeta, the one I married, may never come back...but this one is here and he cares about our daughter and really that's the only thing that truly matters to me!"

"Katniss…" Peeta mumbles behind her. "It's not all your fault. I could have stopped them too, but I didn't. I could have just run from Brutus until I got back to you and then had you shoot him with an arrow, but he threatened you and I had to act, and it's because I did that...it's because of that decision that I wasn't able to make it to you before you blew out the arena. I remember you were screaming for me...but I didn't get there in time. I failed you too."

"Peeta…" Katniss makes a frightening realization. "You don't remember that I was in the cell adjacent to yours?" She turns to face him when she notices that his eyes have been glossed over. "Peeta?"

"It's happening, Katniss," he shuts his eyes and presses his hands to his temples. "You should get out of here. I don't want to hurt you."

"Peeta-" she starts again, but he shakes his head intently and she agrees without hesitation. "Okay. I'm going." She turns back around to face Gale and gestures to the door. "Out. We are leaving right now. And don't you dare, ever, let me find you in here again. Peeta is more than equipped to take you out, and if I'm not there next time to save _you_ , we might not have anything to argue about anyways." The door slides open and the two walk out just as they hear Peeta punch the wall. Katniss grabs his elbow and yanks him around to face her. "If he has an episode right now, because of anything you've just said, I will never forgive you for that."

"Katniss-" he starts but she silences him with a gesture.

Walking around him she goes back to the observation room and grabs her now crying baby from Haymitch. "She must be hungry." Haymitch nods and then agrees that is something he doesn't need to see and she should go to her room. She argues that it's natural, and he simply states how he has nothing wrong with breastfeeding, he just doesn't want to see hers. With a laugh she heads back to her room, now shared with Johanna.

"If she keeps me up tonight, there's going to be hell to pay," she opens her eyes and glares at Katniss.

"She's a baby...what exactly are you expecting?" Katniss shrugs before sitting on the bed.

"Well, not peace and quiet, _obviously_ ," pausing, she shoots Katniss a look of degradation. "No, actually I would _love_ some peace and quiet - but you and Peeta had to go on and have a baby. I've been getting no sleep the past week."

"Would you rather we moved?" Katniss asks slightly astonished.

"No," Johanna shakes her head and lays back, "I'd just like peace and quiet." After several minutes of silence, Johanna speaks to Katniss again. "How was Peeta? I know this can't be easy for you. I could hardly take all his screaming when we were in the Capitol...I can't even imagine what it must have been like for you at the time."

"He's alright," Katniss says with a shrug as she stands up and places the now sleeping infant into her bassinet.

"Gale sure likes to stir up trouble, doesn't he," Johanna says mockingly.

"Yeah."

"Are you okay, Katniss?" Johanna shifts onto her side and looks at Katniss as she pulls the covers back and slips into bed. "I know I surely wouldn't be if I were in your position. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. Especially to see Peeta that way." She pauses but Katniss doesn't speak. "I completely understand if you don't want to talk about it, but...if you do, you can always talk to me."

"Thanks Johanna." Katniss smiles at her as Johanna leans forward and turns the light out. "Goodnight Johanna."

"Goodnight Katniss."

Johanna and Katniss are woken up multiple times by Lily as she cries and cries. Johanna resulted to sleeping underneath her pillow, just so she could try to block out the sound, but time after time Katniss woke up, cared for her baby, and went back to sleep. One time, however, she woke after hearing Lily cry and then it being very quickly stifled, she sat straight up in the bed and could see the silhouette of someone currently holding her child.

Reaching to the side of her bed she picks up the lamp and whispers, "Put my baby down and no one gets hurt!" The figure startles and then turns. "Peeta?" She asks in shock. "How did you get out here? Who let you out? What's going on? Am I dreaming?" She starts to look around the room to try and ascertain what was going on. "Um...you're actually here, real or not real?"

"Real," he says smiling over at her as he rocks back and forth with the baby.

"Not afraid you're going to kill me anymore?" She asks, sounding just a bit more serious than she had intended.

He shakes his head and then faces the other way again. "I'm sick of the nightmares, Katniss. I can't shake them, and they won't go away, I haven't been able to think of anything else...until you brought Lily in earlier. Lily changed everything. She's calming. She helps me. So I'm going to help you." He stands and holds his daughter close. "I'll sleep over in that chair, and I'll take care of her tonight, so you can get some sleep."

"Peeta-"

"I'm alright, Katniss," he nods. "Go back to sleep."

Tired as she is, she has no trouble falling back asleep at all. It was a relief to have Peeta there and she did indeed get more sleep. Upon waking, however, she found an arm draped over her center and a warm breath on her neck. Initially worried it was Gale she jerked away, but as she did the figure beside her opened his eyes, apologetically. "Peeta?"

"I'm sorry, Katniss," he pulls back. "It got cold and I just…"

"No," she shakes her head. "It's fine. And I'm still here, alive. It's completely fine." She lays back down on her side and just as Peeta is ready to get up and walk away she catches his hand. "Stay with me?" He gives her hand a gentle squeeze, crawls back into the bed beside her and she pulls his arm back over her the way it was before, except this time she grabs ahold of his hands and pulls them up to her chest.

"Always," he whispers in her ear. "That's the first time I've slept, without having a nightmare. I can't sleep alone anymore, Katniss. I just can't do it. The dreams are too real, I can't do it anymore."

"Okay," she pulls him closer still. "Anything. Anything you need."

"You," he breathes. "I just need you." After a pause he adds rapidly, "And Lily. I need her too."

There's a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Katniss calls out.

"Gale. Katniss, can we talk?" He pauses when she doesn't answer. "It's urgent. Peeta got out of the hospital and no one can seem to find him anywhere...we just thought you should know since-" he doesn't finish because Peeta is opening the door. "You're here? How are you here? How did you get out? Is Katniss okay?" Gale tries to look around Peeta as the baby cries and Katniss goes to pick her up. Katniss walks around to Peeta who places one of his arms around her. "You're still alive?"

"I'm done with the hospital, Gale. Those days are over."

"Until the doctors say that," Gale tries to grab his arm but Peeta pulls it back. "Peeta! Be reasonable, at the very least. You could be a danger to them both, and you don't want that, do you?"

"Gale," interjects Katniss. "He slept here last night just fine. Now if you wouldn't mind," she gently moves Peeta behind her with her hip, "I'm going to try and get at least another hour of sleep." She closes the door, not waiting for a response. Once the door is shut she turns to Peeta. "You get some sleep, I'll stay up with her."

"Sit on the bed at least?" He asks and she doesn't have the heart to tell him no. Peeta crawls under the covers and Katniss walks over to the other side and pulls them down and crawls under as well. As soon as she's situated herself and the baby, Peeta moves closer to her and rests his head on her lap. "Thank you."

She uses a free hand to stroke his hair, "you're welcome."

With a smile Peeta closes his eyes and falls asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for sticking it out with me on this one so far. You're amazing and your reviews always make me smile. Thank you for the follows and the favorites as well! You keep me writing and I am eternally grateful to you for that. Much love until next chapter...**

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"Mockingjay - Katniss, is it possible for you to go anywhere without your infant?" Coin asks narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms. "What we're doing here is actually important and I would like your undivided attention at this time."

"I'd be distracted without her," states Katniss. "So she's staying."

"No," Coin says shaking her head. "You will take her somewhere else and come back here immediately."

"If you're so sure Peeta won't hurt her," snaps Gale. "Just bring her to Peeta to watch. That way we all get what we want." She pauses and narrows her eyes at him, weighing the options set before her, but slowly she begins to nod and turns to leave the room. "Hurry back, Katniss." Gale's final words before the door shuts behind her.

"They just don't understand, Lily," she sighs and bounces the infant gently as she walks. "They don't see how terrified I am to leave you anywhere I can't see you, or with anyone I can't trust, they just don't understand how good you are...and how desperately I need that goodness right now. We don't really know much about what happened to your father, and as much as I'd like to believe he's back to normal...I know he's not." Lily fusses and Katniss shifts her upward so that her head is leaning against her shoulder.

"He's not back to normal. As much as I would love to deny that fact…" she shrugs as she turns down a terminal. "Even the last couple of nights. I'm afraid something is going to happen and he's going to snap...try to kill me again. Oh sweetheart, I don't want to believe that, but in light of things it seems impossible for him to not be so wholly affected. Try as I might to ignore it...I can't." Katniss stops talking as she walks past several standing officials of District 13. She nods politely and passes by them. When she finally makes it to the hospital wing - where Peeta is still technically living - she sees Prim. "Prim!"

"Katniss?" Her sister says sounding surprised. "What are you doing here? Why is Lily here?"

"They don't want her in the meeting," she says and Prim nods in understanding. "So I figured she could spend some time with Peeta, and you, maybe just keep an eye on her...and him. I want so much for everything to be alright…"

"But you don't want to get your hopes up?"

"No," she shakes her head profusely, "I don't."

"I'm on a break," admits her sister. "I can take her to Peeta. I'll even spend the rest of my break there."

"Thanks Prim," she gently hands the infant over to her aunt. "Do not let her out of your sight."

"I won't, I promise."

"Thank you," Katniss inhales sharply and then hastily leaves the room. Making her way back to the conference room turns out to be harder than she had anticipated. The farther the distance became between her and Lily - and Peeta for that matter - the higher her anxiety grew. The fear of one or both of them being taken away from her became so strong that she found herself collapsing against a wall, not until she sees a pair of feet near her own does she come to some sort of awareness. She looks up slowly.

"You okay, Katniss?" Asks Johanna Mason in concern. "You're very pale."

"It's all my fault," she squeaks out.

"What?" Johanna wonders, squatting down in front of Katniss. "What is going on?"

"They didn't want Lily in the meeting," Katniss begins to hyperventilate. "So I had Prim bring her to Peeta...but I don't know if-"

Johanna reaches out a cautious hand and places it on Katniss' knee. "You want me to go over and keep an eye on both of them? I don't mind. Just make sure if anything of vital importance happens in that meeting, that you tell me, okay?" Katniss nods and with a quick pat to her knee, Johanna jumps to her feet and heads back the way Katniss came. "I won't let anything happen to that little girl. That's a promise."

Apprehensively Katniss gets to her feet and continues walking to the conference room. Knowing that what Johanna said was true. If there was one person Katniss never wanted to cross - ever - it would be her. The girl who played herself off as a weakling in her Games and then came out the victor...no, there were certain people Katniss would much rather be allied with were it ever to come to something like that. If Johanna said she won't let anything happen, then she won't let anything happen. With a newfound strength Katniss picks up her pace and makes it back to the room.

"Thank you, Mockingjay," says Coin, motioning to Katniss to take a seat between Gale and Finnick. "Now that we're all here, I'd like to thank you all for your help with the propo's. They have been a huge success around Panem and have won over numerous districts. However, we still seem to be having issues with District 2. The Peacekeepers are stationed there and are in an impenetrable fortress that we can not figure a way into it yet that would not result in a great loss of life."

"Tough nut to crack?" Katniss says jokingly but Boggs nods.

"Perfect, we'll call it the Nut."

"Oh," Katniss mutters, barely audible. Finnick hears her and smiles. She certainly didn't think that her saying anything would have any real merit. So far most of her opinions and ideas had been shot down. Why take advice or counsel from the girl who lost so much, who had so much taken from her, who had every reason to not want to help. Oh, no, that would be useless, no one wanted to hear her anyways. She was convinced even Gale would brush her off. A sentiment that rubbed her the wrong way to begin with.

As hunting partners, there was no one better, no one more capable...but he was different somehow and Katniss couldn't place what it was that changed him, and she was beginning to doubt if the Gale she met in the woods four years ago, would ever return to the one sitting beside her. He was so callous, what had happened that caused him to have more hatred for the Games than Peeta, than even she did. Gale never witnessed first hand - like she did - what it was like in an arena, never felt that need for self preservation being separated from you, when the only thing you want is someone else to survive...because you can't imagine what a life without that other person would be like, or even how hard it would be with them being so self-sacrificing and ready to die to defend you, to make sure you live a long life - a long life without that person. A long life absolutely alone.

"Katniss?" Coin's voice brings her back to her senses.

"Sorry," she apologizes. "What did you say?"

"I said, we'd like to send you to District 2," she's nodding, agreeing with herself. "We think that you could be very useful in that capacity. We need to do whatever we can to get them fully on our side. You are a beacon of hope and we want you to utilize that influence to get them to join us, with the hopes that your mere presence will cause the change that we so desperately need. People are looking to you, and we need to take full advantage of that." Her mouth begins to curve into a smile, but not a normal smile; halfway between a grimace and a grin.

"Why?" She responds with her first thought before clearing her head and trying that again. "Sorry. I understand why you would want that, but what makes you think that me going there will do anything, why is that going to help? Why would that help?"

"Katniss you have a great deal more influence than you yet realize," Coin says, sounding more irritated with Katniss by the moment. "We really need your participation on this one. It would mean a lot to all of us. To Panem. We may be able to encourage more loyalist to come out of the shadows in District 2 with your help." She pauses and when Katniss doesn't seem to get it she continues, "we really need your cooperation on this Katniss. I could just send you to District 2 without asking, but I'm here, asking you to please help us."

Katniss mulls it over for a moment. "I'll go. But I have some conditions."

"Citizens do not make demands," Coin says confidently, shaking her head.

"Why should I do all of this without getting something in return?" Katniss mumbles. "I am doing all of this for you, for the rebellion, for Panem. If you want this to succeed, I have some conditions."

"This rebellion is not contingent on your cooperation, Mockingjay."

"No," says Katniss shaking her head. "But you do need me." No one disagrees with her so she continues. "I have four conditions. I want to see District 12 for myself, I have to know what the Capitol did to it." Gale starts to object but Katniss waves him off. "I want to hunt. And I could use Gale's help. He's always been good at that. Peeta and the other victors here will be pardoned for anything they said against the Capitol."

"No."

"It's not their fault you left us all in the arena. And they shouldn't be held accountable for anything they might have been forced to say." She stops at this, not sure if she should say the final one or not, especially since she's actually thought about this before.

"What is the final one?" Says Plutarch, amused.

"I kill Snow."

There is such an intense silence in the room that you could hear a pin drop. The silence is only broken by Finnick bursting into laughter. The rest of the group remains silent and unchanged. Finnick spins to face Katniss and speaks, "I'm all for that." Haymitch begins to shake his head. "I fully support that request." The group stays silent even still. No one else speaks for several minutes. When Finnick has had enough of the silence he states resolutely, "There. She's made her demands and nobody died."

"I want you to announce this in front of all of District 13," Katniss continues, looking directly at Coin. "I want assurances that you are going to keep your word. Not that I think you would intentionally break it, but I want everyone to know." There was no truth in that statement, because she didn't trust Coin to keep her word. However, a united front was important, there was far too much at risk."

"Very well," says Coin, finally speaking. "We'll make the announcement this afternoon. But in return you are going to go to District 2 like we've said. Your demands is your agreement, and the announcement your contract. Is that understood?"

"Yes," Katniss nods in assent.

The rest of the meeting goes by quickly, only at the end does Coin announce that Katniss will be visiting District 12 today, because it seems to be clear and safe. She remarks how the Mockingjay is too valuable that they wouldn't be able to let her go if it wasn't going to be safe. They've given her the option to take Peeta, she agrees against the wishes of both Finnick and Haymitch as they are not quite comfortable with Peeta's recovery, not wanting to trigger him into a relapse. Katniss, however, believes that he is well enough, so in a matter of an hour they're waiting at the hovercraft.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Katniss," Gale says cautiously, when she glares at him he throws his hands up in front of him in defense. "I'm not saying this to make you angry. I just have a bad feeling about this whole thing. I don't think you can handle seeing 12. I don't think he can handle it. It's worse than you can imagine Katniss, and I just don't think it's a good idea."

"I hate to say this," interjects Haymitch. "But I agree with string boy."

"String boy?" Gale looks at him offended.

"You're so stringy," Haymitch guffaws.

Gale doesn't say anything but walks straight up into the hovercraft. Haymitch turns and winks at Katniss before following. As Katniss starts to walk up she notices that Peeta isn't following her, stopping she turns to face him, his face white as a sheet. She reaches out a cautious hand and pulls him forward. There's some resistance but he manages to make it into the hovercraft, sit down, and buckle in. He lets go of Katniss hand almost instantly to wring his hands together repeatedly. Katniss is so distracted by this that Haymitch nearly yells to get her attention.

"What?" She hisses at him.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," he's glancing around her at Peeta as he speaks. "You don't know what it's going to be like down there, or what it's going to be like for him down there. I just don't think it's a good idea."

"Whose side are you on exactly?" She says through tightly gritted teeth.

"I'm not on any side, Katniss," he says defensively. "I'm just telling you to be cautious. Don't expect too much out of him. We still don't know what he's capable of. No offense Peeta," he leans around and looks at him pensively, "I'm just concerned."

"It's okay," mutters Peeta. "I'm sure I would be too. Had my head not been messed with."

"Well that's not your fault, Peeta," Haymitch says apologetically.

Peeta shrugs, "Maybe not, but everything I've done since then has been. You always have a choice. I keep making bad ones it seems. I can't control my actions, it's like I'm sleepwalking sometimes. I don't know how else to explain it, sometimes I'm aware of what I'm doing and sometimes I'm not." He looks around at the group before resting his gaze on Katniss, "Lily helps, but there are still urges to kill you. They're so intense sometimes it's suffocating."

"It's okay, Peeta," posits Katniss.

"Somewhere inside," he shakes his head harshly, "I know it's not." He leans back in the chair and begins to repeatedly hit the back of his head against the chair. "I know it's not okay. I appreciate the optimism Katniss, but I know it's not okay."

Katniss looks on as he continues to try to hang on to reality, her heart breaking over and over again with every hit of his head to the chair. Helpless, that's how she was feeling. Completely and utterly helpless. Here he was slipping and she couldn't do anything to help, anything to keep him attached to reality, sure he'd been okay the last few days, but she had to admit...he wasn't okay. He was right, it's not. But her pessimism was so intense lately that she was struggling to breathe herself.

Mesmerized Katniss continued to watch Peeta the whole way to District 12. Haymitch and Gale both spoke with her at different times, but she wouldn't be able to remember anything they said because she was so preoccupied with Peeta's mental state. It takes several calling of her name from Haymitch for her to understand that they were finally here and they needed to get off the hovercraft. Katniss nods slowly and gets to her feet. Peeta hesitantly follow after her and Gale follows closely behind them. Haymitch doesn't move, however.

"Aren't you coming with us?" Katniss asks, spinning to face him.

"No," he vehemently shakes his head back and forth. "I've seen something like it before. I certainly don't need to see it again." Katniss steps forward to ask him but he brushes her away. "Better get out there before I change my mind and force you all to go back to District 13." They nod. Peeta and Gale step out of the Hovercraft but Haymitch catches Katniss wrist. "I'm going to advise you again, to be cautious. I know Peeta seems to be doing alright, but we don't know what might set him off, if anything. We made a deal to protect him, remember?" She nods in assent and he continues. "Right now, I'm asking you to apply that to yourself. Be careful."

"Okay…" she is upset by the intensity at which he spoke. "I'll be careful."

"If anything feels wrong, or off, come right back. You understand me?"

"Yes," she ascerts. His gaze becomes even more ardent. "I understand. If something seems off we'll come right back, I promise." He looks hesitant. "Haymitch. If you're this concerned, why aren't you coming with us?"

"Because if something is wrong," Haymitch grumbles. "I don't want to be forced to do anything to Peeta. If he needs to be knocked unconscious, Gale's the perfect person to do that. He's completely apathetic to the boy. You're in good hands. Mine would hesitate and you need someone that won't."

"How do you know he wouldn't just shoot him?" Katniss folds her arms over her chest in protest.

"I guess I don't," he chuckles. "So you might want to make that aware."

"He shoots Peeta, I shoot him?"

"Sounds good to me," Haymitch's smile widens. "Now get going."

"Okay," she says disembarking from the hovercraft. The sight of the Victors Villiage completely intact throws her for a loop. "Uh," she searches all of the houses for damage and instead finds none. "Nothing was hit here." Gale shakes his head and Katniss steps through the gate. "I wonder why they left our home alone. I'd have thought they would take that out. Show us something specific."

"Maybe," Peeta says slowly stepping beside her. "To show us that we're responsible for this being all that's left." Gale nods and Peeta continues. "You blowing out the arena really messed things up Katniss." The harshness at which he speaks the words throw Katniss for a loop. This is the first time in the past two weeks that he's said anything remotely abrasive.

"That's a bit harsh, Peeta," Gale stares at him in disbelief.

"Am I wrong?" He snaps, taking several steps in the direction of town.

"Don't you want to look at the house?" She points in the direction of their long since abandoned home.

"Not really," he shrugs. "It's just a painful reminder."

"About what?" Katniss looks at him in alarm.

"Whatever life we used to have," he quickens his pace and Katniss and Gale have to jog to catch up to him. The walk to town has never felt longer or harder, in their entire lives. Everywhere they looked they could see burnt skeletons. So many people had died as a result of her shooting the arrow into the force field. So many people…

Tears begin to form in Katniss eyes as they pass where the mayor's home had once been situated, now it was just a pile of ash. Madge. Her only real friend besides Gale for the past several years. She hadn't made it to District 13...probably never even made it out of her house. The decimation of the town was making Katniss nauseous. The farther they walked into the town the more unsettled she became.

Peeta's anger at what they were seeing continued to rise, but it wasn't until his eyes rested on where the bakery had once stood that his back when straight and rigid. "My family didn't make it." His hands ball into fists. "My family burnt down with the rest of the town. My father, who only ever treated me with compassion, and genuinely cared what happened to you, still held a candle to your mother. My horrible mother who had more faith in you winning the Games than me, and was disappointed when I did, who thought I should have died. That you should have just let me die. My idiot older brothers, who only cared for me when they wanted food, or when they needed someone to push around. For all their faults, they were still my family, and they're still all dead."

Slowly, he turns to face Katniss and Gale, who had stopped several feet behind him when his body began to tense up. "This is all your fault!" He spits fiercely at her. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't taken out those berries! I'd be dead, my family wouldn't care, you and your mother and sister would be taken care of for life, and I would be dead!" The intensity placed on the word "dead" was so forceful that it nearly knocked the wind right out of Katniss. "It's all your fault!" He screams and charges in her direction, thrusting her to the ground, knocking her unconscious. Gale leaps forward and punches him so hard that he collapses to the ground beside her.

"Really?!" He shouts to the unconscious Peeta laying at his feet. "And she chose you?" He taps a button in his ear and speaks directly to Haymitch. "Good idea telling her to be cautious."

"He freaked out?" Haymitch asks with a sigh.

"Charged at her and knocked her to the ground," he says matter-of-factly.

"Need help getting them back?"

"Yeah, wanna bring the hovercraft 'round by the bakery?"

"Yeah, we'll be there momentarily," Haymitch disconnects.

"Why couldn't you have just eaten those damn berries?" Gale kicks Peeta's foot. Within a couple of minutes the hovercraft comes to rest beside Gale on the ground and the unconscious Mellark's. "She really has too much faith in him. You should have seen him Haymitch, he just freaked out."

"If your whole family - however horrible - had all been burnt to a crisp, because your wife, and the mother of your child, went against your government, made them look weak, and caused mass genocide to you District; resulting in thousands of death...you're really telling me that wouldn't make you at least a little bit angry with her?" Haymitch's words hold truth, so Gale does not object.

"But he attacked her Haymitch," Gale mumbles.

"At least he waited until she wasn't pregnant anymore," Haymitch says hoisting Peeta over his shoulder and walking him up the ramp to the hovercraft. "He would have done so much more damage under those circumstances, and if he caused her to lose the baby...well, we're all glad that didn't happen, aren't we?"

"I suppose," Gale says under his breath.

"Yes," says Haymitch as he rolls his eyes, "The answer to that question is yes."

Gale picks Katniss up gingerly and walks into the hovercraft. He rests her carefully in the seat beside him. Haymitch sets Peeta in another seating area entirely and makes sure that he is fastened into his chair and cannot get out without extreme force and power of will.

"She trusts in him so blindly," Gale utters finally, after the hovercraft has been in motion for nearly an hour. "She believes so unswervingly in his goodness, in the goodness he used to have, but he's changed and she just refuses to see that. She's always believing that he's in there somewhere, but Haymitch, what if he's not? What if he's just hopelessly lost forever. Is she going to hold a candle to him forever?"

"Gale," Haymitch says with a laugh. "You watched their Games as much as I did. She had his baby. You really think that she would give up on him so utterly and completely, so resolutely that she wouldn't believe in his goodness anymore? He's always been the better of them, the one who would sacrifice a beating for her, who cared for her when no one else would." Haymitch leans forward in his seat and points at Katniss. "The emotions scare her to death, so much so that I'm sure the words have never left her mouth, but she loves that boy. There's an all consuming love there. One that time, famine, Snow, and hell itself cannot completely destroy." Haymitch rests his head back against the chair once again. "She won't say it, Gale. But that doesn't mean the love isn't there. Emotions aren't her thing, they're not my thing, the caring for anyone besides her family always scared her." He laughs heartily, "but that's the thing. Peeta is her family now. They have a daughter. She can love him now, but just because she feels comfortable with the emotions, doesn't mean she's comfortable with the words."

"But why does she love him?" Gale leans forward to stare at the restrained Peeta.  
"What is it about him, that I can't compete with? Why did she fall in love with him? She never even spoke to him before their Games."

"Sometimes," says Haymitch, smiling ear to ear. "Sometimes it's not in the loud open spoken moments that we fall in love. Sometimes it's in the little things. The little moments. The knowledge that if you were dying of starvation, they would extend what little they could to give you some food. I didn't pay attention to anyone until they came along Gale, and I still hate people as a whole, and on principle. But there was one thing that came through, as soon as the Quell was announced…never have I seen two individuals more worried about the other than I saw with them. And let's be honest Gale," Haymitch shakes his head in agitation. "You watched the Quell. You saw what I saw. You saw that kiss. You saw that goodbye. You can pretend all you want that she doesn't love him, if it makes you feel better - if it helps you sleep at night - but morning will come, the sun will rise, and she'll love Peeta just as much waking up as she did going to bed."

"It's not fair," Gale grumbles. "I've spent the last several years hunting with her, spending all this one on one time with her. Why couldn't it be me?"

"Because it never was," Haymitch speaks with so much finality that Gale doesn't reply. What would he say anyways?

When they make it back to 13, Peeta is rushed away just as Katniss is waking up. "Wait! Where are you taking him?"

"Away for right now sweetheart," Haymitch explains. "We're taking him away."


	16. Chapter 16

**_After all too long...the long awaited sixteenth chapter... (I hit a rut, thanks for sticking with me.) This chapter is for you, special shout out to Bonnie, Irene, Whitney, and Fran, you're tremendous friends and always welcome critics._**

 ** _A very very special thank you to tumblr user peetastay for sending me the message that got to me write this chapter...albeit much slower than I intended it to. I can't thank you enough._**

* * *

 _Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

 _A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

 _Lay down your head, and close your eyes_

 _And when they open, the sun will rise_

 _Here's it's safe, here it's warm_

 _Here the daisies guard, you from every harm_

 _Here your dreams are sweet, and tomorrow brings them true_

 _Here is the place, where I love you_

Katniss sings, rocking her infant to sleep. Her regrets from the trip to District 12 are so intense that she was finding it hard to breathe, more often than not. It's not that she thought Peeta was back to his usual self, she knew he wasn't, but she didn't think that he was still so very volatile. That fact alone had knocked all the wind out of her lungs. It was her fault, she had no one else to blame. Of course she could blame someone _not_ responsible, but the guilt was all consuming and there was nothing she could say to anyone, and nothing anyone could say to her, that would make that guilt go away or ease the ache in her heart. Peeta had an episode and no one else was responsible for the consequences.

 _Deep in the meadow_

 _Hidden far away_

 _A cloak of leaves_

 _A moonbeam ray_

 _Forget your woes_

 _And let your troubles lay_

 _And when again it's morning_

 _They'll wash away_

Silent tears began to fall from her eyes as her baby sleepily opened her eyes. The blonde hair of her father, impossible to imagine away, the gray eyes of her mother, impossible to not see. Though she knew it wasn't even possible, she felt a sense of judgment from her daughter, perhaps that was all purely because of how completely inadequate she felt, but she wouldn't be surprised if her baby was upset with her as well. Peeta had been refused access to her for the time being and was not taking it very well. His anger at Katniss was astronomical. Katniss couldn't blame him, she had essentially taken away his rights, taken away his one thing that really started to help him heal. He was angry and she agreed he should be, because she would be if the situations had been reversed.

 _Here it's safe_

 _Here it's warm_

 _Here the daisies guard_

 _You from every harm_

 _And here your dreams are sweet_

 _And tomorrow brings them true_

 _Here is the place where I love you_

Lily closed her eyes again and leaned her head against her mother's chest. Katniss couldn't help being struck by the new baby smell that so frequently accompanied her daughter. Katniss never thought that anything besides the meadow - smell wise - would ever have this same debilitating and completely relaxing smell about it. She could sit here forever with her daughter in her arms, but that was unrealistic, there was a war going on and whether she liked it or not she was the symbol. Whether she liked it or not, she had a role to play, even if that role wasn't chosen by her..it had certainly been chosen _for_ her. It all goes back to Rue, to the first Hunger Games, to the song she was now singing to Lily. Her first act of rebellion. Refusing to be a part of their game. Refusing to succumb to the heartless and careless letting go of allies. She had reminded Katniss so much of Prim that she naturally strove to protect her, and she had failed, and now here she stood with someone in her arms who she was more responsible for than herself. Lily was what was important now. Lily was her number one priority. Everyone and everything else simply came after that.

 _Here is the place where I love you_

As the last of the lyrics left Katniss' lips she slowly rose from the rocking chair and placed her daughter into the crib. It would be difficult, she was sure, but she had to get some sleep. Needed a breather, needed rest, especially because she was still so worn out from the trip to District 12. So many gone, so many dead, so many her fault. The guilt of the last several months lain heavily on her heart, and at the thought her time in the Capitol came roaring back to her and she could hear Peeta's screams, his torture. Whether she had liked it or not, and she surely hadn't, she had heard every bit of it, and nothing regarding that was of comfort to her. There's nothing like hearing the person you love, who you've yolked your life to together for as long as you might live - and in this time, who really knew how long that would be - scream in protest about memories, about pieces of himself. Snow had taken the very essence of what and who Peeta was.

Who Peeta was at his core, was someone who cared, even when caring wasn't the most logical or sensible thing to do. If you meant anything to Peeta, you knew it, no false pretenses. He was only ever honest, caring, and good. No one could really think poorly of Peeta. Katniss was sure that, though he disliked him, there was little fault Gale could have found with Peeta, because though he was mostly jealous of him, Peeta had always put her first.

Just as she starts to feel sorry for herself again, Johanna enters the room, immediately glaring at Katniss. Katniss affronted by Johanna's hostility, wiggles uncomfortably. She'd thought they had come to a point where they were - well somewhat - friends. Staring at her Katniss stood from the chair and carefully laid Lily back in her crib. Johanna's face doesn't soften in the slightest. Katniss nods out of the room and Johanna angrily follows her to the hall, Katniss grabbing the monitor on her way.

"What. The. _Hell._ Were you thinking Katniss?" Johanna screams the second the door shuts behind her. "Taking Peeta to District 12...what exactly did you think was going to happen? That he was so miraculously recovered that the mere sight of his home would snap everything right back into place? That he would suddenly remember everything? JUST because you took him home?"

Katniss stares at her, mute with shock.

"You weren't thinking." Johanna folded her arms across her chest and begins pacing. "That - I can't even begin to describe just how stupid that was. Something you - of _all_ people - should have known. I just can't believe how irresponsible that was. What the fuck, Katniss? In what context was that going to be a good idea?" At this question she stops directly in front of Katniss, so close their noses were almost touching.

"Of course it was stupid!" Katniss bursts into tears and then quickly recovers. "I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what I thought it would accomplish." She sighs heavily and whimpers before continuing, "I just want Peeta back. _My_ Peeta. The one that protected me in the arena." She straightens up, pulls back from Johanna, and leaning against the wall slides down to the floor. "I don't know what I was thinking. I can't justify any of my actions."

"No. You can't."

The two women sit in silence for several minutes, neither looking at each other, and both angry at Katniss. Johanna was sick of hiding her anger with Katniss. Yes, she pitied her and felt bad for her, but she couldn't reconcile her detest with Katniss for subjecting Peeta to what happened in District 12. How she thought it wouldn't end up that way, she had no idea. It had been a stupid move on the part of Katniss, and Johanna wanted to make sure that she knew that.

"Katniss," comes the sing-song voice of Finnick as he slumps down the wall beside her. "We all know what you did was reckless, and ill-conceived, but you thought you might be able to help him...even though it had horrendous results, you did try to help him." He glances around her to Johanna, "and you need to lay off her a bit."

"Why Finnick?" snaps Johanna. "You weren't in the Capitol with us, you don't know what happened there, what we had to listen to, the things that we saw. You can certainly feel for us, but you don't know what it was like."

Finnick shakes his head and continues in a scolding voice, "However honorable the intentions you think you're acting on," he pauses, "making her feel worse than she already does, isn't going to help anyone at all." Johanna leans her head back against the wall. "There's only a handful of us left Johanna. Victors. No one knows what _we've_ been through. We can't go and turn on each other now. We need each other, and we're going to keep needing each other for the rest of our lives, _because no one else understands what we've been through_." He twists around so he can see them both. "We are all in this together. We have to stick together. This war that we're fighting, ladies, shouldn't be fought with us alone."

"Finnick-" Johanna tries to speak but he waves her off.

"Johanna." She stops talking and hmph's. "We all care about Peeta. None of us like seeing him like this. It's not easy for any of us, _especially_ us, but Katniss is his wife...the mother of his child, she holds the monopoly for pain in this situation. She's at fault here for what happened, but we didn't go, we didn't see his break down ... that's a whole other kind of guilt that we can't understand. We might try, but we'll never understand it, and really there's no reason to try."

"Finnick," Katniss says placing a hand gently over his, "I appreciate everything you're saying...but Johanna is right, this is all my fault. I have no one else to blame."

"I'm not denying your fault in it, Katniss," he nods. "We both - we all - knew it was risky and a bit reckless, but ultimately it was _your_ choice...but on the other hand, did Peeta object? Was he concerned that things might go the other way? Did he think he was recovered enough too? I have to think that if he really thought it would go so horribly that he would have told you no right away. But did he?" Katniss shakes her head. "Did Gale object?" She nods guiltily. "We all objected, but we did nothing to stop it. We're all at fault here, to some extent."

"Well, we all know why you ignored Gale's caution," snaps Johanna. "He hasn't exactly been the embodiment of what a friend is lately. His jealousy of Peeta is stifling. God, and his self-righteousness makes him unbearable. I don't know how you've put up with him all these years, he really is terrible."

Finnick looks at her questioningly. "What was the point of that tirade?"

"Just that I get it. Gale's a dope."

"Unnecessary," replies Finnick, "but okay."

"Well, what did he say when you told him you were going to marry Peeta?" Johanna twists around to face Katniss. "I imagine that he was pretty solidly against it. Ya know, thinking he owned you because you'd been friends for a few years. Thinking that what happened with Peeta in that arena didn't change the dynamic of your friendship forever. That he never really had a shot with you, even before Peeta. That he still doesn't have one now."

"It hasn't been easy, that's for sure." Katniss fiddles with the monitor in her hand and listens to the sound of her sleeping baby. "Things were always good with us...until the arena. Until Peeta. Until I _chose_ Peeta. It's not like I was ever in love with Gale, he was there, we'd been friends for years...being with Gale would have been easy. But-"

"That's not what you wanted," interrupts Johanna. "I mean I can't fault you. Bread boy sure is more appealing. Muscular. Those blue eyes…"

"Is this helping anyone?" drawls Finnick. Shaking his head he makes eye contact with Katniss. "Listen, we all know it was reckless, and we all know that even though we objected, none of us actually stopped you. You can't blame yourself forever, Katniss. I mean I'm not condoning it, but I'm not going to crucify you for it either. We all make mistakes, and sure, poor Peeta has suffered more for your mistakes than anyone else, but it all goes back to the fact that that boy would follow you into a fire, if he meant he wouldn't have to lose you."

"And now he hates me again…"

"Not the point I was going to make...but okay."

"'You _are_ going back in, that is unavoidable, but I'll be damned if you go in there without me.'"

"What?" wonders Johanna. Raising an eyebrow at Katniss. "Back in where?"

"The arena." She inhales and exhales sharply. "Peeta told me that once. He wouldn't let me go in without him, and look at what that did to him. He's been hijacked, I sleep alone, my daughter is kept away from her father. All of this is a mess. Nothing I can do will make any difference. We're far past messed up. Peeta...my Peeta...is gone."

"Katniss," says Finnick slowly, "that was Peeta's choice. He didn't have to volunteer, but he did."

"I think they rigged the Reaping…"

"What makes you say that?" Johanna ponders while crossing her arms. "What do you think they rigged it? Why would they do that?"

"We were the problem, Jo." Katniss shrugs. "We both lived through the first arena because we wouldn't kill each other. We shouldn't have both made it through there, and we wouldn't have made it out if it weren't for Seneca Crane. He got sentimental and we lived. Snow hated us, me especially, because I went against everything in the Games. I allied with Rue, tried to protect her - failed - but tried nonetheless, and then I put flowers around her, to shame them. We're still people, and I wanted to remind them of that fact. And then I wouldn't kill Peeta. It was just the two of us left, and I wouldn't do it. In that respect, I think I did care for him, a great deal more than I fully understood at the time." She gestures around her, "I mean look at this. I'm eighteen. I am married. I have a daughter. I'm this accursed symbol of the rebellion. Everyone is looking to me to lead them, and I'd rather crawl into the past, into my nursery, with Peeta at my side. But that won't ever happen, we're forever changed because of what's happened in our lives. Peeta and I might not even make it out of this war, and then what do we have for our daughter? The Games will never exist again, I won't allow it. I'm not going to give Snow any monopoly over my daughter's future."

"That's a pretty bold statement, Catnip."

Katniss, startled by his voice, jerks her head up. "Gale."

"Peeta's asking for Lily."

She shudders. "Do you think he's up to it? Do you think he'll hurt her?"

"He never did before…" Gale mumbles.

"But do you think he will now?" she wraps her arms more securely around her center.

"Katniss," he shakes his head, "I think if anyone is safe from his anger, it's Lily."

"Why?"

"Because she's the only thing left in his world," he sighs, "that is completely his."

"What _exactly_ do you mean by 'completely his'?" she snaps at him.

"Did he ever question how you felt about me?" There's an air of cockiness in his response.

Katniss, taken aback by the question hesitates before answering, "Well I suppose so, yes." She shrugs. "But I thought we'd gotten past that. I thought he understood that...that it was always him, from the beginning." A look of hurt registers on Gale's face. "Doesn't he know that?" Her eyes pleading. "I thought he knew that…" her shoulders slump and she crumbles against the wall. "He used to know that."

"Well now he doesn't," came Gale's loutish response.

"You know what-" Just as Katniss is about to berate Gale, Lily began crying from inside the room. "Save by the baby." She stands, glaring at him. "Of course she can see him, but I want to hand her to him."

"I don't think that's a good idea…" cautions Gale, reproachfully.

"Gale."

"Katniss."

The two stare at each other until Katniss remembers her screaming baby and spins, darting into the room, Johanna follows.

"Hey brainless," Johanna says remorseful. "Sorry about-" she gestures out the door. "I just-"

"It's okay," Katniss smiles faintly at her as she picks up Lily. "You just said what I was too afraid to say, even though you're right."

"It's not like I want to be right-" Katniss raises her eyebrow, "Well, it's not like I wanted to be right about, this...thing in particular. You guys were _the_ couple. Everyone hated you. You got lucky. Except it wasn't luck. It was sheer stupidity and defiance, and yet you didn't get penalized for it."

"Really?" chastises Katniss, rocking Lily back and forth until she settles. "The whole Quarter Quell thing isn't my fault? Because everyone knows it is. Through no one else's fault. I challenged them and they had to retaliate...we didn't have to, but I went against them, and they were compelled to launch a counterattack on my rebellious ways."

Gale knocks on the door, "want to take her to see Peeta now?"

Katniss nods, "Sure." Pulling the door open she walks out past Gale and Finnick. "Let's do this." Katniss makes a beeline for the hospital and Gale, Finnick, and Johanna, follow closely behind her. Finnick anxious to see how Peeta was doing, and to keep an eye on Katniss. Johanna, to keep an eye on Katniss and Lily. Gale, because even though he knew things were changing for him and Katniss, he still felt compelled to follow, not out of concern - though there was some of that there - but because his jealousy was unrelenting. Even with all the time that had passed, and everything they'd been through, he knew his jealousy was irrelevant, but that didn't stop it.

Reaching the Hospital and the door to Peeta's room, Haymitch steps in front of Katniss. "I know what you're thinking Katniss, and you can't do that. It's not a good idea."

"Haymitch," Katniss snarls at him. "Move."

"I'll go in with her-" Gale starts.

"You cause more problems when you go in there!" Haymitch bellows. "He's already angry and suspicious of you. Why on earth would I send you in there? Or let you in there, for that matter?" His eyes narrow. "Why should I?"

"Protection."

Haymitch guffaws. "I don't approve, but I am curious as to how angry Peeta is going to get at you _always_ being around Katniss and his baby. He doesn't like you, he tolerates you, but he doesn't like you. And you always being around his _only_ remaining family doesn't help any either."

"I don't really care, Haymitch," Gale says shoving the cackling man to the side. Stepping forward Gale shoves the door open. Peeta immediately looks up and his eyes narrow and his face hardens.

"What do you want?" Peeta snaps.

"I come baring gifts," Gale steps aside as Katniss walks in carrying a sleeping Lily.

Peeta perks up and sits anxiously on the edge of the bed. "I can hold her?"

"Of course you can," mutters Katniss as her voice cracks.

"But I think you can understand our caution," Gale turns around and extends his arms to Katniss. "I'll take her to him."

"What?" Katniss and Peeta holler together.

"I'll take her to him," Gale reiterates.

"No," the parents agree resolutely.

"Katniss," says Peeta evenly. "I won't hurt you."

"I know," she mutters. Stepping around Gale she walks straight to Peeta and gently puts the sleeping infant into his arms. Backing up she notices the way that he looks at her and she is overcome with emotions. "I'm sorry Peeta!" She bellows. "Taking you to District 12 was irresponsible and I shouldn't have done it. You're back in here because of a stupid judgment call that I shouldn't have made. I guess I just wanted you to be better so bad that I didn't think the potential consequences through very well."

"Katniss…" Peeta utters softly. "I know you aren't trying to kill me...and if memory serves...I didn't object." He sighs as he looks down at his daughter then back at Katniss. "We made this. She's all ours and no one can take her away from us. We're victors...we've killed people. They wouldn't dare." Gale scoffs. Katniss and Peeta both turn to look at him. "What exactly is your problem, Hawthorne?" Katniss folds her arms over her chest and stares at him along with Peeta. "Jealous much?"

Gale glares back at him, "of course not."

"You're lying," eggs Peeta.

"What gives you the right to say anything? You just attacked her, very recently!"

"And thank you - all -" he glares at the glass that he knows is one way, "for chiding her so much about this. I forgot that we're all human and we all make mistakes. I didn't realize that we would be chastised for every little thing we do wrong."

"You could have killed her!" shouts Gale.

Lily stirs and Peeta _shh_ 's her back to sleep. "Gale."

"Peeta."

The two boys full of testosterone and aggression are glaring at each other with such intensity that Katniss is so caught off guard when Peeta offers her a spot next to him on the bed. "I don't want to provoke anything, Peeta. I think maybe I should just stay over here."

"Do you honestly think I would do anything with her in my arms?" he nods down at Lily.

"Well, no," Katniss laments. "No, I don't think you would."

"So please," he pleads, "sit down."

"Katniss…" Gale objects.

The door opens and in waltzes Finnick. Tapping Gale on the shoulder and winking. "Tag. You're out, I'm in."

"What?" Gale spins and glares at him. "Says who?"

" _Says me_ ," Haymitch's voice comes from a speaker.

Gale huffs and begrudgingly leaves the room, but not before shooting an angry glance at each person, and a rueful sneer at the baby in Peeta's arms. Muttering vehemently under his breath as the door shuts behind him, " _He's living my life. This is supposed to be my life. He loses his mind and she still loves him._ " Clenching his fists he turns the corner to the observation room and runs right into Haymitch.

"Gale," says Haymitch moaned. "Sooner or later you're going to need to accept this as a fact, and I'm hanging on the sooner rather than the later. We need her in this war, we need her to be every bit of the Mockingjay as they want her to be or she's expendable. Why get upset with her now, if her discontent results in her death. I get that you don't like Peeta, I do. I see how it makes you upset, but come on man, you've known how she's really felt about him since you saw them in that first arena. Sure you hunted together, but your lives were never in danger, and sure you relied on each other to get food, but they relied on each other to _live_. Did you even know you loved her before Peeta was a contender? Or did Peeta being a contender make you love her?"

"What kind of a question is that?" spews Gale.

"One with merit." The two stand silently unwavering in their resolve to stare one another down.

" _Who_ exactly do you think you are Haymitch?"

"I'm their mentor. Outside of the arena, it is my goal to protect them," he gestures around them. "Inside the arena," he points at the door Gale has just come from, "is to make sure that nothing happens to then _there_ so that they make it back _here_. Understand what I'm saying?" He shifts his position. "Don't knock what's working for them because it's not working for you."

"Haymitch-"

"No, Gale. No."

"Fine! But if anything happens to her, on your head be it."

Haymitch chuckles, "It's always been on my head, and I think they've done alright. Hijacking and teenage pregnancy aside. They've experienced enough, been through enough, lost enough, that they're relatively experts on the subject." Haymitch spins Gale around and gives him a rough shove. "Now go, before I show you why I'm a Victor too." Gale stalks from the room.

"Harsh," comments Johanna stepping up beside Haymitch. "I fucking love it."


End file.
